CeCe asks: You are at a stop sign. Do you go right, or left?
I go STRAIGHT UP.
pugnacioun asks: MJ, I have two questions today: First, and shortest, how do you prefer people who follow your blog but do not personally know you address you? MJ, Maureen, Ms. Johnson, Queen of Sparkles? Second, and more verbose, there is a boy in my German class. I am quite enamored with him - however, I have no experience in the ways of love. I think there is potential here, but I have no idea how to tap into it. Can you help me?
1. I answer to anything. But I DO like the idea of having a title.
2. Of course I can help you. I have experience both in LOVE and in GERMAN CLASS. German, of course, is the language of love, and love born in a German class (or “jugendliche Liebe gebürtiger Germanclass”) is among the most precious forms.
I first learned this from many hundreds of hours of staring at my German textbooks, which were created by some complete maniacs in the 1970s and never updated, which largely featured depressive people weeping and playing guitars in their rooms, waiting by telephones in lederhosen for calls that never came, and going to discos where they would be forsaken (“verlassen”) by everyone they met.
This went against everything I understood about the Germans. Granted, I had learned everything I knew about the Germans from this video*:
Which doesn’t involve any weeping or being forsaken at all! Then I realized that this video was about Mozart, who was Austrian. The Austrians, from what I can tell, eat delicious pastries and write sonatas all day long. But they don’t teach Austrian class, now do they? No, we were stuck with Hans and Gisela, who just cried and strummed and wandered the streets in suicidal loops all day, occasionally stopping to buy some veal cutlets or play football. But they always did it totally alone (“ganz allein”).
Oh sure, every once in a while they would manage to ensnare someone equally miserable, and they would go out to the local café for a sausage (“Wurst”) and the soup of the day (“Tagessuppe”), but they would immediately start discussing the fact that there is no point to anything and drive each other to despair (“zur Verzweiflung treiben”). Which led directly back to more lederhosen-wearing, phone-call-waiting, guitar-playing, and weeping. “Was wird aus mir?” (“What will become of me?”) they would often cry. “Es ist immer so!” (“It’s always this way!”)
That being said, pugnacioun, I would Facebook friend him and take it from there!
Mush asks: My question is probably one you get all the time, but during your time playing Amy Gardner on West Wing, who was your favourite cast member? What? You're NOT Mary-Louise Parker? Well can she play you in the movie of your life maybe? I think she may be your long lost twin.
I used to get Selma Blair a lot. Now I’m getting Mary-Louise Parker. I always aspired to look like this, so I’m clearly way off base. Perhaps we can take a vote, just to get this issue settled once and for all. Mary-Louise Parker, Selma Blair, or [fill in other person here]?
JEM asks: are you ever planning on writing any sequels?
I already have. Scarlett Fever, the sequel to Suite Scarlett, is already done. And then, there will be a sequel to THAT, which I have JUST STARTED. As for my other books . . . *looks from side to side mysteriously* I cannot confirm or deny anything AT THIS TIME.
Karen asks: If you had to design the covers of your own books, what would they look like?
Like they had been created by focus groups of small children on painkillers. That’s if I made the cover at all. I have long been advocating covering my books in brown paper bag material with just the name of the book stamped on the front, and three crayons attached that you could use to draw your own and then eat when you were finished.
Gabby asks: Have you ever used your Poetic License to make up a word, besides beda?
Yes. I say “whycome” a lot. As in “Whycome have I no bananas?” My ultimate dream is to have my own point-counterpoint television show called “Whycome?/Whycome Not?”
Chris asks: Are you working on a new book? Please explain.
Yes, I am working on Scarlett 3 and one other book, but MOSTLY Scarlett 3. The reason for this is because Scarlett 3 comes after Scarlett 2, which is now complete.
Lindsay asks: MY question is, now that you're already trapezing, what (if anything) are you going to do for us if Scarlett becomes a bestseller?
I’ll take suggestions on this one, and if Scarlett DOES become a bestseller, then I will complete ONE of them.
Teyrn asks: Maureen, will you ever learn?!
It seems doubtful. Joe Friedl asks: Maureen Johnson, how do I get Maureen Johnson to like me?
Just by BEING YOU. Also, buying my book, giving me shiny objects, and killing off all my other friends so I am left with you as the only option . . . all viable tactics.
Allison Taylor asks: Is Zac Effron still eating hamsters (about to go see 17 again)?
I’ve seen no evidence to the contrary. I think we’re going to have to assume that Zac is out there, stuffing as many hamsters into his mouth as possible. I think this is particularly true as he transitions into more mature roles and slips out of his High School Musical comfort zone. The pressure will probably drive him to dark places, places where hamsters get eaten in the dark of night, leaving empty wheels and unoccupied piles of shredded paper.
I’ll tell you who DOESN’T eat hamsters, though . . . Rob Pattinson. Not many people know this, but Rob dedicates much of his spare time to saving wayward hamsters and rehabilitating them in a clinic HE FUNDS WITH HIS OWN MONEY. He wasn’t even going to take the Twilight job because he thought it would take too much time away from his hamsters (which he refers to as his “brothers and sisters of the tiny wheel”). It took a lot of convincing to get him to do the movie, and even then, it was only so he could open up more homes for wayward hamsters. I’m not saying Zac is bad and Rob is good—I just want to talk about this, because it bothers me that not enough people know this is going on.
You’re wondering where I heard this. Well, I can tell you that I have befriended the awesome Isabelle Adams, author of Eternally Yours: The Unauthorized Biography of Robert Pattinson. I’m not saying she TOLD me this. Maybe it’s just something I inferred from our conversation. You get what I’m saying?
Because Isabelle and I are good friends, she’s offered a signed copy or two of her book to be given out on this blog. And I’m going to give one out today (again, both on Blogspot and on the Ning) to a random commenter who leaves a question. I have never given out someone else’s book on my blog before, so you know this is special. I can tell you it is one exciting read, and offers MANY PAGES of color pictures of Rob’s hair! Quick! Get your questions in NOW!!!! Get your Rob Pattison fans over here because this is a ONE TIME OFFER!
* I used to be able to this entire rap in German along with the song, but have lost the ability. It seems like something I should work on.
I've just returned from Texas, literally. Thank you to all who expressed concern about my pretzel poisoning. I seem to have come out of it okay. I slept off the unpleasant aftertaste, had many wonderful encounters with librarians and other authors, ate a lot of delicious nachos, and got home in one piece!
Now . . . it' time for ASK MJ!
DEPARTMENT OF NO
anonymous said... Would you ever try sky-diving? What do you think about that?
Hold on. I have my list of “Things I Won’t Do” right here. Let me have a look . . .
#14 Jam hand into beehive. #15 Check out the source of "that weird noise" if accidentally stuck in horror movie. #16 Ask Naomi Campbell if I can borrow her phone.
Ah. Here it is. Number seventeen. Skydive.
Listen, I don't want to offend anyone here . . . but I have to wonder about anyone who tosses him or herself out of a doorway at 20,000 feet. I mean, you do see the flaw in that logic, right? Have you asked yourself, "What would Darwin do?"
It took us hundreds of years to solve the problem of flight. Flight is awesome! We have snacks and movies and everything! The only trick is STAYING ON THE PLANE. That's it! We didn't go to all the trouble of defying physics just so people could throw themselves out the door.
Some people will undoubtedly say, "But the adrenaline rush!" That adrenaline rush is there to KEEP us from killing ourselves. The adrenaline helps you run from the fire or the polar bear or the shark on a Segway or whatever is after you. I personally don't need this kind of buzz. I get enough excitement. I have JK busting into my house every other day.
anonymous said... Hey, my question is: Are you actually gonna answer ALL of these questions above?
Um . . .
DEPARTMENT OF ABBA
anonymous said... What would you say is your favorite ABBA song, at this moment at least? Cause I can never decide which one I like the best, and since you are an expert on all things ABBA I was hoping you might help me decide.
This question reminded me to check on my Abba museum countdown meter. Only 412 days to go until the BEST MUSEUM IN THE WORLD opens. I almost fainted when I read about the opening week activities. Just look at this!
Friday June 5, 2009 International ABBA Tribute Band Day. ABBA tribute bands from all over the world perform.
Saturday June 6, 2009 Sweden’s National Day – ABBA Style.
Sunday June 7, 2009 ABBA-rocks! Closing party with the next generation ABBA. Fireworks extravaganza.
OH. MY. GOD. An “Abba style” Sweden Day? An Abba party with fireworks? A whole day of Abba tribute bands? Who lives in Stockholm? Who wants to go with me?
What was the question again? I’m so woozy.
aella siofra said... Do you think Abba actually chose their own outfits? or were they merely the victims of a horrible conspiracy?
I don't understand this question. You seem to imply that there is something wrong with their outfits. All of the Abba outfits were carefully designed, and many will be at the museum!
Am I missing something? Is there a problem here?
ally said... Why do I always do well on Pre-AP American History test where the multiple choice always have ABBA in them?
ABBA always helps in times of crisis. And DID YOU KNOW that Frieda (the dark haired one) is a princess? Her full name and title is Her Serene Highness Princess Anni-Frid Reuss, Countess of Plauen.
DEPARTMENT OF FOOD
danica/diamond d said... Would you ever write a book based on the movie Footloose? Are you looking forward to the remake (with Zac Efron)?
Famous hamster-eater Zac Efron is going to star in a remake of Footloose? Why didn’t anyone tell me? What is THAT craft services table going to be like?
The Footloose Burger
crypt said... I have a question: What should I have for lunch? I don't have any bread, I do have burgers and fishfingers, but my grill doesn't work. I also have chocolate spread, mustard and eggs
Your choices seem limited to the last three items. I strongly support both the chocolate spread and mustard, but cannot get behind the eggs. I don’t like eggs. I wish I did, really . . . but I’ve never been able to eat them. Even the smell makes me hopelessly ill. Which is why I’m really wondering what joker added “I like eggs” to the list of my book titles on Wikipedia.
About your lunch . . . while I am perfectly content to eat mustard or chocolate spread right out of the jar, most people are not. And I’d offer you some of these cool chocolate cowboys that some Texas librarians gave me . . . but I got hungry when I got home and smashed them with a bowl and ate their heads.
ohholyhorcrux said... What are your feelings on hummus?
Basically, hummus is to me what hamsters are to Zac.
DEPARTMENT OF READING MATERIALS
itokro said... Is Suite Scarlett only out in America? A while ago I tried to find your books in Britain - I visited every bookstore in Cambridge before being told they'd have to order them specially and get them shipped over from the US. And yet yesterday, in Guildford, I saw a copy of 13 Little Blue Envelopes just sitting on the shelf in the bookshop. Does this mean you are published here after all? Or is it just the magical effects of proximity to the London office?
Welcome to the bane of my existence, itokro. Aside from The Bermudez Triangle (of which I think 4 copies were printed), I have no books out in the UK. From what I’ve been told, the UK hates YA and has denied admission to many of us!
So I have NO EXPLAINATION for why there was a 13 Little Blue Envelopes on a shelf in Guildford . . . except that maybe someone in Guildford figured out that I am in Guildford ALL THE TIME, ordered an American copy, and put it there. Guildford is, after all, the location of the “London” office. Maybe Oscar did it. Or JK. Did you see any food wrappers around it?
Until the books are released there, I guess I have to offer my special Reading Service, where I come to your house and read your mj book of choice to you.
Do you require MJ Reader Services?
Caillie said... i loved SUITE SCARLETT! remember me + Spencer= long lasting marrage only to be ended by one of the weasley twins, lol.
Spencer has been getting an awful lot of attention, even in these early days. I predict that he will be giving Keith Dobson a serious run for his money. But I can't let you marry him if you're just going to leave him. He'll get all depressed and he won't work anymore. Don't break my characters, bro.
hannah said... This is a very general question, but I was wondering who writes the blurbs for books?
Blurbs are usually quotes from other authors, but they can be from anyone, really. (Usually someone famous.) Like if Her Serene Highness Princess Anni-Frid Reuss, Countess of Plauen wanted to give me a quote . . . let's stop. I can't even think about that.
MJ my friend is currently extrimly mad @ u because 1 shes is not scarletts 11 2 you didn't answer her "very nice" email so @ school we call you The-auther-that-cannot-be-named and its slightly annoying (sorry shaylaluna if ur reading this) so I suggest u answer that I wasn't allowed to enter thanks to moi mother but I am begging you to sell the free alan rickman shirts also my friend and i are aginst borders because for my b day when you first said it was out(Im using small words cause I have issues spelling)she went to get it and they didn't have please repliy to this :^) karozoluvzu
I am always sorry to hear that I have failed one of you in some way, and I am certainly sorry to hear that I am “the author that cannot be named.” I’m like . . . Voldemort? Really? Let me see what I can do to address the problems.
First, sorry about your friend and Scarlett’s Eleven. This is the problem with running any kind of a contest. I knew it was going to be hard to pick eleven people. And I do my best to answer my e-mail . . . but things sometimes get a little out of control in MJ land. But I read every single one. Every. Single. One.
As for Borders not having the books out on the shelf when you went to get one, I am sorry about that, though I have no control over Borders. Borders is generally very nice when it comes to my books, and I like them a lot. I’ve heard from a few Borders people that they have opened the boxes and that Suite Scarlett is now out on the tables and shelves. So if you go back, it should be there!
I hope that you will now say my name again. I’m all stressed out now.
DEPARTMENT OF CONTESTS
Scholastic has told me that the INCREDIBLY AWESOME CONTEST that I’ve been telling you about for a while is scheduled to kick off on May 1st. I can confirm that the prize includes both NEW YORK CITY and ME. (You don’t get to keep either one . . . just to be clear.)
In the meantime . . . I have STUFF TO GIVE OUT! Starting NOW! In each of the next posts, I’ll be passing out some copies of Suite Scarlett and some awesome, limited edition, super-special SUITE SCARLETT SLEEP MASKS.
Today I am giving out one signed book and ten sleep masks.
TO WIN A SIGNED COPY OF THE BOOK: Leave a comment letting me know you don’t have a copy yet and you’d like one. I’ll draw a winner at random.
TO WIN A SLEEP MASK: Have you read Suite Scarlett? What did you think? Would you share your thoughts with everyone who hasn’t read the book yet? (Without dropping any spoilers, please. Spoilers will get deleted.) The first ten people to leave their mini-reviews in the comments win! (I realize that this means you have to have READ the book. Don’t worry . . . this is the only time that will be a factor!)
I have enjoyed starting off every post recently with giving away a Scarlett. Today is no exception!
When I last wrote a few days ago, I set a challenge to see if we could do something about the very poor state of the Amazon YA discussion board. At that time, it had eight sorry little discussions, floundering around and going nowhere. Now it has 34! And they’re great! This is what I mean about YA readers . . . you guys know your stuff!
The winner when the clock went off was:
What YA book are you reading right now/have you most recently read and loved?--Christmas gift cards need spending!
This was started by Jocelyn. So, Jocelyn . . . please send me your address, and the third copy of Scarlett will go out the door!
As my final act of 2007 . . . and my way of ringing in 2008 . . . I am giving away my final (as far as I know—unless I am sent some more, but I don’t think I will be) ARC of Suite Scarlett.
Here is the contest. Finish this sentence. “MJ should send me Suite Scarlett because . . .”
Answer it in whatever form you want. Answer it in the comments. Answer it on your own blog. Answer it in a video. Answer it in a piece of fan fiction. Answer it in an e-mail to me. You just need to get the answer to me somehow. If you answer it quietly, to yourself, I will never know. Any form of answer that I can access counts. You just need to tell me about it so I know to look.
If you were left out of the Amazon Challenge . . . mention this! It will give you BONUS POINTS!
Because judging this by myself will kill me, I am going to call a PANEL OF EXPERTS to assist me. They may include . . . . Oscar Gingersnort, my friend J.K. Rowling, Free Monkey, and Several Famous Authors. Know that I WANT to send books to everyone. I WANT to do that. I just have the one left, though, so I am forced to choose. I have tried to mix it up between asking questions, posing challenges, and picking names at random.
Know that I WANT to send books to everyone. I WANT to do that. I just have the one left, though, so I am forced to choose. Know that I look forward to having the real copies of the book to give out, because there will be lots of those!
The deadline for this is Monday, January 6th, 2008, at noon. One week from now!
Today is technically the last day of ASK MJ. But you know . . . ASK MJ will never really be over. I just won’t be answering in every single post. But if you ask me something that I simply must address, I will immediately do so!
I got great questions this time . . . great because they were all about FEAR and DANGER. Two of my favorite topics!
jellybean said... Emergency cheer question! Let's say that a few weeks ago you took a short weekend vacation to the seaside. You were frolicking in the ocean, like a FOOL, when a rogue wave smashed you to the sand, held you under, and gave you a lump the size of a baseball on your hip. You have hidden said lump with only moderate success over the holidays. Now New Year's Eve is coming up, and you are sick of wearing baggy dresses. So you are going to wear an awesome dress that totally shows the still-huge lump. Question: what is your awesome cover story for this lame, lame injury?
Jellybean, have I taught you NOTHING? If I get across one point and no other, I hope it is this one: THE SEA IS OUT TO GET US ALL. I blog about it. I wrote a book about it. And yet, despite my best efforts, many of you still frolic in the gently lapping Waves of Death.
But okay. So you went swimming and were hit by a (*shudder*) rogue wave. Lesson learned . . . HOPEFULLY. You need a cover story. I have one.
That lump is where you keep your hamster. It is a hamster holster. You keep your hamster on your hip because you know Zac Efron breaks into houses and eats unattended hamsters sometimes, and you know that he will know that a lot of people are out tonight and there will be hamsters aplenty to feast on. You are no fool.
anonymous said... Is your New Years going to be as equally festive and cheery as your christmas? I was wanting to warn you that there is a very large possibility that JK will break into your house at exactly midnight and wishing you a frightening new year of jam thievery and "dancing queen"/jelly fish nightmares. I'm not psychic, she just seems like the kind of person to do that. Be afraid...be very afraid.
I needed this image in my head about as much as Zac needs another hamster in his mouth.
bissfullydazed said... You know what? Zac Efron has no business eating hamsters. I almost wish someone would eat HIM, thereby ending High School Musical's plot to collaborate with Wal-Mart and Starbuck's to take over the world. I have two questions. 1. WHEN is Girl at Sea coming out in paperback? and 2. Is there ANY way we can come up with a an incredibly complicated hairbrained scheme in which I stow away with you in the plane on your trip to England? PLEASE?! I HAVE to go!
I agree with you about Zac and the hamster eating. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that he should be eaten himself, though.
As for the other questions . . . I think Girl At Sea comes out in paperback in May. I’m not 100% sure of this, but I think so. It will probably be right around the release of Suite Scarlett. As for number two . . . I am sure we can work something out. I will need protection, after all. J.K. has been leaving little hints at my door that she knows when I am flying to England. Can you fit in a bag? Can you be ready in a week? Are you willing to fight J.K. Rowling?
If you answered yes to those three questions, we should talk.
shausto-la said... aww no i cant post on amazon. *headdesk* but i do have a question. Why in the world is Mario so darn funny looking?? I mean, really. with that funky red cap and blue overalls and HUMUNGO white gloves that he so stole from Mickey Mouse...its actually pretty freaky..
I had absolutely no idea what the answer to this was. But you are lucky, Shausto-la. First, I have video game expert Oscar Gingersnort here (but he is busy making fun of me at the moment). I *also* have Famous Mario Expert Charlieissocoollike.
It was Charlie who answered your question. He said:
1) Mario originally started in 8-Bit and its tricky to make detailed 8-Bit characters. To make sure that the Mario character was recognizable as a person in this very simple form of computer graphics, the people in the character design section of Nintendo obviously tried to emphasize all of his features too make sure that people could tell what he was. This meant Mario was blessed with a big mustache (to show he is male) and then big hands and big feet. Mario's limbs and facial hair have shrunk a bit from his move during his move from 8-Bit to Wii, but his limbs are still kinda large.
2) Mario is a plumber, and is apparently always caught on the job when he is asked to go rescue Princess Peach which is why he is always seen in his plumbing uniform. The gloves are obviously there to protect his hands from the junk people shove down their drains and the dungarees are there because they are just far more practical when doing work. Mario doesn't have time to tighten his belt, Mario has a job to do.
3) The reason that Mario's uniform is bright red and blue comes back to the whole 8-Bit simple graphics thing. If you can remember, Mario has a brother, Luigi. These two brothers do look and sound quite a lot alike so to be able to tell the two apart they had to don uniforms that were strikingly different to each other in terms of color. Also, there weren't really that many colors to pick from in those days so Mario got stuck with the basic ones, which always turn out to be really bright.
4) Mario also chose to dress in red and blue because the world he lives in is primarily green and brown and so he wants to stand out from the background so Princess peach will notice him. This also explains why Luigi hardly ever gets kissed like Mario does at the end of the games because Luigi just kinda blends into the background and peach doesn't really see him.
5) Mario looks kinda odd because he is Italian and as a general rule all Italians are required by law to look kinda funny.
cei cei said... lily i truly feel your pain. my Scarlett card is also taunting me, but she keeps changing what she says. her two fav. things are- 'HAHAHA, You cann't read me til the day AFTER your birthday! Just like Libba Brays The Sweet Far Thing (which came out 12/26)! HAHAHA' or 'Tho there is a small chance of you winning a copie of me early it will not happen, then in may I will be sold out!MAWWHAHAHA!' clearly Scarlett DOES NOT like her potential readers.*sniff sniff*
A lot of you also seem deeply freaked out by Scarlett. There are many reports of her staring at you, talking to you, and controlling you. Rest assured . . . it is only her picture that does this! The real Scarlett would do no such thing. The real Scarlett has enough to deal with . . . like insane hotel guests with dead ferrets, actors on unicycles, handsome boys who burst into flames, hotel rooms with criminal histories, rich boys with dinosaurs, younger sisters with too much power, and a family on the constant verge of disaster. She would tell you that the last thing she wants to do is freak you out. She herself is trying very hard to KEEP CALM.
Also, she won’t be sold out. There will be Scarletts for all. Big boxes of them. Don’t you fret!
2007 has been a big year. I wrote Suite Scarlett, Girl At Sea came out. There was the Bartlesville book banning (to be discussed in a later post soon). I met Free Monkey. In August, I took a train to Georgia with Scott Westerfeld, Justine Larbalestier, Holly and Theo Black, and Cassie Clare and wore a Wonder Woman costume.
There were darker moments too. I think you will all remember the reports in which I was spotted driving around with a baby on my lap. What made it worse, I guess, is that it wasn’t even my baby. Or my car. But at least I have a LICENSE.
Then there was my disastrous rap album, “Free Monkee Playa.” I thought I could rap. I really did. Everyone told me that I was great . . . so great that I should go somewhere else and share my rap with OTHER PEOPLE. Sorry for that.
What does 2008 have in store?
Oh, my friends . . . my dear, dear friends. More, and better. There will be work on Suite Scarlett 2 (already started, actually) and the revealing of the secret project I have been working on in the UK. Suite Scarlett will come out in May . . . and there will be celebrations and a truly awesome contest. Later in the year, Let It Snow will appear.
Plus, I have plans for this site and this blog. PLANS. Plans that involve you. Plans that at this point include more updates, new stuff to help you with book reports . . . and maybe getting an assistant to help me keep it all running. (Note to J.K.: do not even think about applying.)
So, until next time (which won’t be long from now), please get your entries in to get your Scarlett. And have a Happy New Year!
First order of business: let’s give out a SUITE SCARLETT!
In case you are wondering how the winner was chosen, I wrote every name down and put them in a FESTIVE TIN. Then I had my mother, who is a registered nurse and therefore deeply impartial, reach her hand in and draw out a slip of paper. The entire event was witnessed by my lawyer, C. Catso Fangola, who proclaimed it fair and legally sound.
And the winner was . . .
flinn said... You know, I think a copy of the book would instill just the right amount of Christmas Cheer in me.
Flinn! It’s CHEER time! Please send me your address posthaste!
Okay. There are two copies left now. Today’s opportunity to win contains a CHALLENGE!
This is Amazon’s Young Adult Lit forum. It has 8 discussions, and is kind of making me sad. Here’s a great place people could be talking about YA, and seasoned YA readers like you could be giving recommendations! Instead, it’s a weak little thread or two. The only conversation that’s really booming over there is the “IS PHILIP PULLMAN TRYING TO KILL GOD???” one, and frankly, it’s making me tired. So very tired, friends.
So, here’s the plot . . .
Start a discussion on this forum about YA books. If you want it to be about one of mine, that’s great! If you want to talk about what Keith wears under his kilt in 13 Little Blue Envelopes, or how Clio deals with the jellyfish in Girl At Sea, or Jane’s problem with red foods in Devilish, or if you would like to live in a New York hotel like Scarlett . . . do so! I’d love it!
BUT . . . I’m not saying TALK ABOUT ME FOR DAYS ON END! I’m saying . . . talk YA! Talk about great books! Talk about censorship and your thoughts on removing books from school libraries!
The winner of this contest will be the person who can start and continue the most active conversation by noon, New Year’s Eve! (Suite Scarlett also has her own little sad forum, in which one kind person tried to start a conversation. I will also count conversations here.)
Let me answer any anticipated questions about this.
Q: What do you mean by “most active”? A: Literally, the one with the most posts. But that doesn’t mean you should post a topic and then answer yourself 134 times, because Amazon will get mad and maybe even erase the thread. You CAN, however, come back and moderate, answering things that people have written. It is YOUR discussion! Keep your discussion lively! Poke it with a stick!
Q: So, if I talk on someone else’s discussion, won’t I improve their chances of winning? A: Yes, you will. But that might mean they’ll come over and talk on YOURS. And the important thing is . . . you are expressing your views! The YA community is strong, like bull! Talk amongst yourselves! Share your knowledge and views!
Q: Hey, wait. Isn’t it true that you can only post on an Amazon discussion if you or someone who uses your family computer has purchased items from Amazon? A: Um . . . yes. This is the only drawback of this plan, and one I thought long and hard about. I decided to go ahead with it because . . . A.) I think that forum really does need a swift kick. B.) a lot of people have purchased things from Amazon, so lots of people will be able to do this. C.) I have a special plan to help make things right for anyone who is excluded. I am having another contest on New Year’s Eve, and anyone who was left out will get special treatment!
Q: Will you participate in the discussion? A: If I have something to say, then YES! I will check on them regularly to see what, if anything, is going on! Because . . . maybe nothing will happen!
Q: How will you know which discussions have anything to do with this contest? A: I’m counting any that start from this point. There are only eight so far on YA, and one on Suite Scarlett. So it should be pretty easy to see who’s who!
Now, since it is still ASK MJ TWO MONTHS AND A FEW DAYS, let’s get to the questions . . . .
jez said... I've got a plan for you. Okay, buy JK some snacks, say they're for Christmas. Hide them somewhere far away from your house and send her on a Nerdfightery scavenger hunt. Draw it out with as many clues as you can and you won't see her for awhile!
I haven’t seen her since the night of the jam jar. It makes me nervous. And you know what . . . I think it’s more than just the snacks themselves. I think she likes MY snacks in particular. She seems to derive real pleasure from jumping out and scaring me, and then raiding the cabinet. I’m going back to England in a little over a week to go back to work on the Secret Project, and I’m a little nervous about that too . . . since she always seems to know when I fly.
In any case, Jez, I’ll try it . . . but when JK has it out for you, like she seems to have it out for me . . . there isn’t a lot you can do about it.
bria said... how do you get rid of JK? One word Afghanistan. I think you know what i mean
I don’t think this would even do it. You don’t understand . . . this is a woman who chases Alan Rickman in a small plane and lurks on the grounds of his house with infrared specs.
kayli said... So today my brother and I were discussing ridiculous rich people, and I said, "You know, J.K. Rowling owns a dolphin." And then I couldn't remember if that was true or if it was something from your conversations with J.K. (not to imply that those are in any way anything other than the truest truth.)
I did say that. She told me about her dolphin, Fatso, when she snuck up on me on my flight back to New York a few weeks ago. He lives in a tank on her roof. Naturally, I am telling this truth about this. I am always truthy.
lily said... Hi Maureen! Merry day after Christmas! I received my Scarlett card in the mail yesterday. It is awesome. It is sitting on my dresser where it will not be damaged. Scarlett taunts me now though. She says, 'You won't get to read me until May. That's more than 5 months from now. You should try to win a advanced copy from Maureen. Then I will stop talking. NA NA NA NA NA!' Does she always do this?
Um . . . yes. And it is slightly worse when her head is much bigger than yours, as I tried to demonstrate in my video from the other week. I am a little afraid of my huge Scarlett poster. Sometimes . . . at night . . . I think she moves. I am kind of afraid that I will wake up and find her right next to my sleeping face, her eyes level with mine, peeking over the pillow. And then I will turn around and find JK standing on the other side of the bed, holding a jellyfish in a jar and singing “Dancing Queen.”
You are not paranoid if they are really after you, you know.
katie h. said... I forgot to tell you, just for future references, I am a different Katie from the one posting above me whose asking about raising 7 thousand dollars. (Poor you. You could use some cheer!) I am the Katie who told you about all of the fantabulous books I get to buy today. I put an H after my name so I won't seem like a wacko who posts three times in a row.
Katie Holmes! Is that you? How did you get internet access??? Is this your way of asking us for help out of the compound, because I will put together a crack team within the hour!
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS DIRECTLY, Katie! Send us a sign through one of those creepy interviews you do, where you robotically talk about your constant state of joy and how Suri can communicate with dolphins and how Tom bought you your own mountain. Slip in the phrase, “Zac Efron ate my hamster,” and we will know you have received this communication. We will come in the night, when no one is watching. Have Suri ready and in silent mode.
We run the risk, of course, that Zac Efron has actually eaten your hamster and you might bring up this fact in an interview . . . I would if it happened to me . . . and you don’t even know about our offer. Although, I think it is a pretty safe bet that he hasn’t. I mean, why would he? Craft services on “High School Musical 3: The Great Space Coaster” can’t be that bad. Those movies look pretty cheap, but they have to feed the talent, right? Zac can’t be so hungry that he’s busting into seriously guarded houses to eat other people’s hamsters . . .
But, then again, celebrities are not like us. Since they can get everything they want, Zac may do it just for the thrill, like JK does when she breaks into my house and tries to take my jam. I can almost see him now, his little elfin face shining in the moonlight, as he shimmies up the side of your house, breaks through the window of the Rodent Room, grabs the closest hamster he can find and shoves it in his well-formed mouth . . . the tail slipping through that tiny gap in his perfect teeth.
So, we should have a second code that means, “Zac Efron actually did eat my hamster, but I still need rescuing.” If this is the case, please say, “Posh Spice ate my hamster.” Then we will know you are lying. Posh Spice doesn’t eat ANYTHING! If we hear this, we will come and get you AND will we have a new hamster waiting.
If Zac Efron has eaten your hamster, but you do NOT want to be rescued, please say, “Posh Spice ate my hamster, but promptly coughed it back up into a napkin and it is fine.”
Zac Efron: making due with pistachio ice cream until Ben and Jerry’s starts making Chunky Hamster Mash.
I hope to see you on the YA forum. But, as always, you are welcome here! And you still have a few days to get questions in!
