about bulletins books Maureen Johnson dot com blog f.a.q. contact community
suite scarlett
girl at sea
13 little blue envelopes
the bermudez triangle
the key to the golden firebird
vacations from hell
let it snow

Monday, April 27, 2009


CeCe asks: You are at a stop sign. Do you go right, or left?


pugnacioun asks: MJ, I have two questions today: First, and shortest, how do you prefer people who follow your blog but do not personally know you address you? MJ, Maureen, Ms. Johnson, Queen of Sparkles? Second, and more verbose, there is a boy in my German class. I am quite enamored with him - however, I have no experience in the ways of love. I think there is potential here, but I have no idea how to tap into it. Can you help me?

1. I answer to anything. But I DO like the idea of having a title.

2. Of course I can help you. I have experience both in LOVE and in GERMAN CLASS. German, of course, is the language of love, and love born in a German class (or “jugendliche Liebe gebürtiger Germanclass”) is among the most precious forms.

I first learned this from many hundreds of hours of staring at my German textbooks, which were created by some complete maniacs in the 1970s and never updated, which largely featured depressive people weeping and playing guitars in their rooms, waiting by telephones in lederhosen for calls that never came, and going to discos where they would be forsaken (“verlassen”) by everyone they met.

This went against everything I understood about the Germans. Granted, I had learned everything I knew about the Germans from this video*:

Which doesn’t involve any weeping or being forsaken at all! Then I realized that this video was about Mozart, who was Austrian. The Austrians, from what I can tell, eat delicious pastries and write sonatas all day long. But they don’t teach Austrian class, now do they? No, we were stuck with Hans and Gisela, who just cried and strummed and wandered the streets in suicidal loops all day, occasionally stopping to buy some veal cutlets or play football. But they always did it totally alone (“ganz allein”).

Oh sure, every once in a while they would manage to ensnare someone equally miserable, and they would go out to the local café for a sausage (“Wurst”) and the soup of the day (“Tagessuppe”), but they would immediately start discussing the fact that there is no point to anything and drive each other to despair (“zur Verzweiflung treiben”). Which led directly back to more lederhosen-wearing, phone-call-waiting, guitar-playing, and weeping. “Was wird aus mir?” (“What will become of me?”) they would often cry. “Es ist immer so!” (“It’s always this way!”)

That being said, pugnacioun, I would Facebook friend him and take it from there!

Mush asks: My question is probably one you get all the time, but during your time playing Amy Gardner on West Wing, who was your favourite cast member? What? You're NOT Mary-Louise Parker? Well can she play you in the movie of your life maybe? I think she may be your long lost twin.

I used to get Selma Blair a lot. Now I’m getting Mary-Louise Parker. I always aspired to look like this, so I’m clearly way off base. Perhaps we can take a vote, just to get this issue settled once and for all. Mary-Louise Parker, Selma Blair, or [fill in other person here]?

JEM asks: are you ever planning on writing any sequels?

I already have. Scarlett Fever, the sequel to Suite Scarlett, is already done. And then, there will be a sequel to THAT, which I have JUST STARTED. As for my other books . . . *looks from side to side mysteriously* I cannot confirm or deny anything AT THIS TIME.

Karen asks: If you had to design the covers of your own books, what would they look like?

Like they had been created by focus groups of small children on painkillers. That’s if I made the cover at all. I have long been advocating covering my books in brown paper bag material with just the name of the book stamped on the front, and three crayons attached that you could use to draw your own and then eat when you were finished.

Gabby asks: Have you ever used your Poetic License to make up a word, besides beda?

Yes. I say “whycome” a lot. As in “Whycome have I no bananas?” My ultimate dream is to have my own point-counterpoint television show called “Whycome?/Whycome Not?”

Chris asks: Are you working on a new book? Please explain.

Yes, I am working on Scarlett 3 and one other book, but MOSTLY Scarlett 3. The reason for this is because Scarlett 3 comes after Scarlett 2, which is now complete.

Lindsay asks: MY question is, now that you're already trapezing, what (if anything) are you going to do for us if Scarlett becomes a bestseller?

I’ll take suggestions on this one, and if Scarlett DOES become a bestseller, then I will complete ONE of them.

Teyrn asks: Maureen, will you ever learn?!

It seems doubtful.

Joe Friedl asks: Maureen Johnson, how do I get Maureen Johnson to like me?

Just by BEING YOU. Also, buying my book, giving me shiny objects, and killing off all my other friends so I am left with you as the only option . . . all viable tactics.

Allison Taylor asks: Is Zac Effron still eating hamsters (about to go see 17 again)?

I’ve seen no evidence to the contrary. I think we’re going to have to assume that Zac is out there, stuffing as many hamsters into his mouth as possible. I think this is particularly true as he transitions into more mature roles and slips out of his High School Musical comfort zone. The pressure will probably drive him to dark places, places where hamsters get eaten in the dark of night, leaving empty wheels and unoccupied piles of shredded paper.

I’ll tell you who DOESN’T eat hamsters, though . . . Rob Pattinson. Not many people know this, but Rob dedicates much of his spare time to saving wayward hamsters and rehabilitating them in a clinic HE FUNDS WITH HIS OWN MONEY. He wasn’t even going to take the Twilight job because he thought it would take too much time away from his hamsters (which he refers to as his “brothers and sisters of the tiny wheel”). It took a lot of convincing to get him to do the movie, and even then, it was only so he could open up more homes for wayward hamsters. I’m not saying Zac is bad and Rob is good—I just want to talk about this, because it bothers me that not enough people know this is going on.

You’re wondering where I heard this. Well, I can tell you that I have befriended the awesome Isabelle Adams, author of Eternally Yours: The Unauthorized Biography of Robert Pattinson. I’m not saying she TOLD me this. Maybe it’s just something I inferred from our conversation. You get what I’m saying?

Because Isabelle and I are good friends, she’s offered a signed copy or two of her book to be given out on this blog. And I’m going to give one out today (again, both on Blogspot and on the Ning) to a random commenter who leaves a question. I have never given out someone else’s book on my blog before, so you know this is special. I can tell you it is one exciting read, and offers MANY PAGES of color pictures of Rob’s hair! Quick! Get your questions in NOW!!!! Get your Rob Pattison fans over here because this is a ONE TIME OFFER!

* I used to be able to this entire rap in German along with the song, but have lost the ability. It seems like something I should work on.

Labels: , , , ,


Anonymous bluebonnet21 said...

Maureen/MJ/Ms. Johnson/Queen of Sparkles,
As soon as I finish my finals I am going to have a massively amazing day of reading the archives of this blog and making my roommates think I am crazy because I cannot quit laughing. It shall be splendid. Until then, I guess I can just live with the hope of winning many colored pictures of Robert Pattinson's hair.

7:27 AM  
Blogger shecaptain said...

If you were going to write someone's biography, whom would you chose?

7:34 AM  
Anonymous bluebonnet21 said...

Okay so I left a comment, but I forgot to leave a question... which means I failed. So here is a question- Did you end up going to Los Angeles to work, and are there crazy stories from that trip?

7:40 AM  
Anonymous Dani said...

I have thought for the longest time that you resembled Kim Rhodes. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0722476/

My question for Ask MJ is what would you suggest I do for a summer job? I need one very badly.

7:50 AM  
Blogger Christopher said...

Why do the people on book covers always stare at me? (Although some of your books have headless people on them, I still think they stare at me. Actually, your books have not yet arrive, but they will stare at me when they do. I assume.)

7:52 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

I don't have a comment. Just a video that I think you kind of really need to see, like right now:


7:53 AM  
Blogger riane said...

Kartik or Edward?

7:59 AM  
Anonymous AJ said...

If you were to write a book about a zombie apocalypse scenario, would the main character be:
A) A military guy?
B) A flying nun?
C) The saddest zombie?
D) A totally normal person?
E) Other?

8:06 AM  
Blogger K. said...

I've always thought you and Anna Nalick are practically twins.

Question: Is Facebook friending those kinda-sorta aquaintance type people an abuse of the system? (It seems like a weird way to say, "Hi, I think we're friends and/or I think I *like* you!")

8:09 AM  
Blogger Sarah said...

You should definitely learn now to rap in German and then perform it for us via youtube. I don't think my life will truly be complete until this happens.

Besides that, my other life goal is now working at a rehab clinic for hamsters. I imagine I will have to be fighting off people at the job interview though, because who would not want that job???

8:19 AM  
Blogger delightfully mediocre said...

Mother's Day in the US is coming up in just two weeks. Unfortunately, I'm a poor recent college grad, and I don't think my mom is interested in a Mother's Day present of library science knowledge. What should I do?

My German textbook was from the mid 80s, and every provided conversation about musik auf Deutsch somehow involved Falco.

8:23 AM  
Blogger Miss Hannah said...

How is Alan Rickman holding up these days?

Also, I must say I see a bit more Parker than Vigoda in your features, which doesn't mean you aren't still quite handsome.

9:10 AM  
Blogger christina said...

another little-known issue concerning hamsters is the horrid and bloody feud between the Syrian and Roborovski breeds. it is an awfully tragic battle that has raged for centuries between the two breeds, each one claiming to be the favorite of their humanoid masters and all-seeing food bringers.

so, my question to you: do you play favorites with different kinds of hamsters? and how do you suppose we could end this terrible fight?

9:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Queen of Sparkles,

After sitting at my computer all day pretending to work, my wrists ache, my shoulders are sore and my eyes are dry and achy.

Is this swine flu?

9:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to call you:

because it reminds me so much of you AND your books! although I have no idea whatsoever of HOW it reminds me of you....
But still, you are one of my greatest inspirations!!!


10:11 AM  
Blogger Nicholas said...

The German part made my day :)

Sadly, we do sit around all day long wearing Lederhosen and strumming guitars... sounds like a lot of fun though ;)

Viele liebe Grüße aus Deutschland, wo es auch Leute gibt, die sich wünschen in einem Hotel zu wohnen.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Kelsey said...

What color do you paint your finger/toe nails while in the bathtub?

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Alice91 said...

How do you deal with hate mail?

12:38 PM  
Blogger Mush said...

I feel like such a doofus. How could I have missed the Abe Vigoda resemblence. Now that I see him, I don't think anyone else could ever play you in a movie and/or tv series.

1:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't remember how long ago it was when you, and a few other YA authors had a contest about inserting zombie lore into classical novels. Well, I was casually browsing Amazon for a new read, when BEHOLD! I found "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance--Now with UltraViolet Zombie Mayhem!" I kid you now! Follow this link to zombie heaven! http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/ref=pd_nr_b_4?ie=UTF8&s=books

4:12 PM  
Blogger david elzey said...

for some reason the following beastie boys lyric is running through my head"

I got a girl in the Castle and one in the pagoda
You know I got rhymes like Abe Vigoda
thank you for that. now, i recently made a bet with a twelve year old that zac efron would NEVER win an academy award for his ACTING in his lifetime. the amount of the bet is not sizable, but i am wondering if it was a mistake to make this bet. your opinion?

4:23 PM  
Blogger Miss May said...

Maureen, if you could make everyone in the world dress up as something for a day, what would it be?


4:27 PM  
Anonymous Ivan said...

I must say, that the masterwork Al-Kitaab fii Ta'allum al-'Arabiyya seems to be this generation's equivalent of your German textbook. We are introduced to Egyptian-American Maha, who is "truly lonely" (فعلا وحيدة) and "has no friends" (ليس لي أصدقاء). She also has a cousin in Cairo whose father forbade him from majoring it literature because "it has no future" (ليس لها مستقبل). Also it teaches one how to say "overcrowding" and "humidity" and "specialist" before teaching one how to say "bad" or "food" or many far more useful things. (http://www.kabobfest.com/2008/12/drama-of-maha-and-khaled-in-al-kitaab.html)

I really do feel this motif of oddly angsty foreign-language textbooks needs to be explored further.

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is the meaning of life Maureen? Is it ABBA? It might be ABBA.

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Christie Skipper said...

Did I win? How bout now? Now did I win?

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Nora said...

When I am in high school German in the late 90s, we watched videos that came along with our book series. It was a love triangle between Tomas, Claudia, und Andrea. Tomas loved Claudia, Andrea loved Tomas, and Claudia loved Andrea's skeezy uncle who rode a motorcycle. I think his name was Rolf. Our book constantly referenced the band the Scorpions.
Are you going to the disco?
Yes I hear they often play the Scorpions.
Oh, the Scorpions sind sehr toll!
I even remember reading a short biography of the Scorpions in the book. Did the Scorpions pay for this product placement so that they could further promote Rock You Like a Hurricane?

6:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How can I get people to pay me to travel? Assuming I don't have any marketable talents. I mean, I have LOTS of talents, but none "marketable."


7:14 PM  
Anonymous ScottGladstone said...

Due to a rather unfortunate and embarrassing event when I was ridiculed for my choice of library book by my teacher, I spent ten years hating books. Now I am out of that funk and ready to read again what books from the past ten years do I really have to read?

7:53 PM  
Blogger Catherine said...

Wouldn't german class in german be deustcheklasse? no germanclass? I think your German skills are fading. Although I was impressed with your German vocab. Here's a question what is your favorite German word? I'm tied between umgebung (surroundings) and tafelapen (board eraser).

8:09 PM  
Blogger Christina Hicks said...

Yesterday I went to look at a small house (actually the realtor's call it a 'doll's house' it's so tiny) and they said no pets. But I had to ask if I could have a hamster, because this is my dream. He wasn't sure, but this might be a dealbreaker on an otherwise lovely place right behind my library(aka place of employment). What should I do if they say no? I already have his name picked out!

8:11 PM  
Blogger Mimi Meila said...

I woyld enjoy a book, I don't care what book, any book is fine :)

9:08 PM  
Blogger pinktooth2 said...

will you ever write a sequel to the key to the golden firebird(which is my fav)?!?!

9:27 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

My question: Have you seen this video?
Electronik Supersonik!!

(Okay. Australian moonlighting as pretend Molvanian, as Molvania does not exist, but totally should because, come on. . .check out the dude's hair.)

9:28 PM  
Anonymous Marlies said...

my question: Would you like to go to Disneyland with me?

9:38 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

I want to move to a big city like Chicago someday. Could you impart some of your big city knowledge to me?

9:42 PM  
Blogger Kristy Colley said...

I never win anything. Argh! I NEED to win pictures of other people's hair.
Otherwise I will have to keep entering the sweepstakes in the local paper. ::sob::

9:49 PM  
Blogger Kristy Colley said...

Sorry, I got so anxious I forgot to add my question:

Will you join Rob in this venture? And if so, will you write rude letters together to Zac?

9:49 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

Okay, here's my questions for next time you're doing ask MJ: If your life was a movie, who would play you? PS I love Scarlett 1 and can't wait for Scarlett 2!

9:49 PM  
Anonymous rah45 said...

Did you know that Corbin Blue owns a home for wayward ferrets? (kind of like the evil baby orphanage, but for ferrets and without time travel) It was this job that got Corbin his role in High School Musical, he is an undercover agent working to bring down the evil hampster eater that is Zac Effron.

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Bridget said...

I'm vaguely afraid of the angry bikers rocking out in the music video. But am seriously impressed by your previous ability to sing this entire song in German. This is clearly a skill that needs to be relearned.

11:21 PM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Maureen, I am seriously considering dedicating my life to the development of human-sized hamster toys. How should I go about this, and also, could you be my celebrity endorsement?

11:50 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

My question: What inspired you to learn the Hail Mary in German?

12:05 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Do you watch the tv show Dead Like Me? If not, I think you would LOVE IT!

12:48 AM  
Blogger Giulia said...

LOL. the book fair started at my skewl, and they're selling Rob's unathorized biography.
Even though i am still mad at them for taking jane austen for -gasp- stephenie meyer, i'm all right with having a signed copy.


1:05 AM  
Blogger Giulia said...

Oops! i forgot: QUESTION!!


how do you like your popcorn? (ex. white cheddar, caramel, extra buttery, etc.)

1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you were swallowed by a whale, how would you get out? Or would you?

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Illy Aden said...

How do you suggest I go about getting myself into NYU? And how should I finance my college education?

1:33 AM  
Blogger Theresa said...

Well, I'm German and I can assure you that I'm neither suicidal nor "ganz allein". My guitar playing skills are rather limited due to too short fingers and since I'm a vegetarian I never eat a "Wurst". But German is indeed the language of love and I would really enjoy listening to you rapping Falco style! :D

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Sarah B said...

I think that if Suite Scarlett becomes a bestseller, you should learn how to rap in german to the Mozart song and make a video of you raping in german to the Mozart song.

And also, i was wondering if you think you will ever write about spies. As in like, secret agents.

2:21 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Wow at the Mary Louise Parker question. I kept wondering where I'd seen her before and then I realised that she looks like you. I've been watching a lot of West Wing as of late.

4:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is RPATTZ so awesome?

6:08 AM  
Blogger angela said...

Millionar By: Die Prinzen.

I take German, best song ever. Rock Me Amadeus was good.

But nothing is nothing until you hear "ich war so geme millionar...."

The end to life as we know it.

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like your blog. Thank you. They are really great . Ermunterung ++ .
Some new style Puma Speed is in fashion this year.
chaussure puma is Puma shoes in french . Many Franzose like seach “chaussure sport” by the internet when they need buy the Puma Shoes Or nike max shoes. The information age is really convenient .

By the way ,the nike max ltd is really good NIKE air shoes ,don’t forget buy the puma mens shoes and nike air max ltd by the internet when you need them . Do you know Nike Air Shoes is a best Air Shoes . another kinds of Nike shoes is better . For example , Nike Air Rift is good and Cheap Nike Shoes .the nike shox shoes is fitting to running.

Spring is coming, Do you think this season is not for Ugg Boots? maybe yes .but this season is best time that can buy the cheap ugg boots. Many sellers are selling discounted. Do not miss . Please view my fc2 blog and hair straighteners blog.
.thank you .

I like orange converse shoes ,I like to buy the cheap converse shoes by the internet shop . the puma shoes and the adidas shoes (or addidas shoes) are more on internet shop .i can buy the cheap nike shoes and cheap puma shoes online. It’s really convenient.
Many persons more like Puma basket shoes than nike air rift shoes . the Puma Cat shoes is a kind of Cheap Puma Shoes .
If you want to buy the Cheap Nike Air shoes ,you can buy them online. They are same as the Nike Air shoes authorized shop. Very high-caliber Air shoes and puma cat shoes . the cheap puma shoes as same as other.

polo shirts

ralph lauren polo shirts
chaussure puma

chaussure sport

chaussures puma

puma CAT

ed hardy clothing

ed hardy clothes

ed hardy womens

ed hardy sunglasses

5:30 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home