It has always been my dream to give a present to EVERYONE who reads this blog (or Twitter, or my mind). So I went to my publisher to see what I could do. Now, normally, I am not permitted in the building because of a minor misunderstanding we simply refer to as the "big fire incident," but I managed to get in through the fire escape (which they had foolishly left open and functional, perhaps in the light of the "big fire incident") and I said, "Hey, guys, some people are running short of cash this season. Can't we do something to help out? Why don't we give everyone a free book? That would promote Cheer. Free book, I say! Free book!"
Everyone in the men's room was in total agreement. So was security!
I went to The Man with my idea, and The Man liked what he heard.
After I signed a little agreement to never sneak on to the premises again, they set to work on a program to give EVERYONE a FREE COPY OF SUITE SCARLETT!
It begins today. It begins NOW. This holiday season, I am pleased to present COMPLETELY FREE COPIES OF SUITE SCARLETT to YOU!
SOME QUESTIONS ANSWERED
What's the catch?
There is no catch. You just get the electronic book for free. Happy Holidays! Wait, what?
You get the book for free. Right now. It's yours. Take it. *gives*
How?
You click here, which takes you to the bulletin page of my site. Once there, you will see all kinds of buttons with little pictures. Hit the picture of the device you want to read it on, and BAM, book.
Is it the whole book or some weird short version?
It's the whole book AND a bit of the SEQUEL. It's, like, MORE than the book.
What devices can I choose from?
You can get versions of the book for iPhone, Kindle, Barnes and Noble Nook, or just an online copy you can read on any computer. (Note: Kindle downloads begin at 12 midnight Pacific time, so just over an hour from the time of this posting. DON'T hit preorder. It may take a few hours for the BN and Amazon systems to catch up, but they should be up and running by tomorrow morning. If it's telling you to buy it right now, wait a few hours.)
How many copies can I have? Like, if wanted to send my friends this link can THEY also have copies?
They're electronic so there are an ENDLESS NUMBER OF COPIES. ANYONE can have a copy. It's available from now until January 15th.
Some of my friends are kind of slow on the uptake. Can I tell them I BOUGHT THEM THE BOOK FOR THE HOLIDAYS and give them the link?
If you are so inclined. I want to give this book to a lot of people! How can I do this?
You can SHARE the love by hitting the SHARE button and posting the box to your Facebook profile so that everyone can have some FREE BOOK. Or you can just pass the link via Twitter or ANY OTHER FORM OF COMMUNICATION YOU USE. In fact, I would love it if you did so. The more, truly, the merrier.
So you can write a short blog today because you are giving out a whole BOOK?
When I wrote about the LONDON GATHERING yesterday, I said that my next blog would be an advice blog. But I didn’t know that when I woke up this morning, the advance uncorrected proofs of Scarlett Fever would be READY TO GO. It was a huge shock.
I have them here.
Scarlett Fever, as you may or may not know, is the sequel to Suite Scarlett. These Scarlett Fevers could not be ANY HOTTER OFF THE PRESSES. No one has these. Reviewers don’t have them. MY AGENT doesn’t even have hers yet. And I just finished going over the corrections and page proofs YESTERDAY.
I am offering COPY #1. A hot ticket indeed!
And what do you have to do to SCORE THIS AMAZING PRIZE?
Well, I am going to have a little contest. I need you to make some GUESSES about what happens in this book and e-mail them to me.
“What do you mean?” you may be asking, because you are always asking clever questions.
I mean, take what you know about Suite Scarlett, and TAKE A FEW STABS AT WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN NEXT. I will choose the MOST AWESOME GUESS.
Unlikely things may happen.
“Wait,” you are probably saying, because you are also very good at choosing moment when I should pause and clarify. “Define awesome. Do you mean crazy? Do you mean accurate? EXPLAIN YOURSELF.”
I mean awesome. Awesome may mean that you guess correctly. Awesome may also mean that you’ve just cooked up the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. Awesome may mean that you’ve written a scene you think should be in the book, and that scene turns out to be awesome. Or maybe, you will DRAW what happens. Or make a video. I do not know what YOU will do because YOU are full of wonders. All I can say is, you must make some kind of guess, and do it in whatever format you want, and make sure I get it by THURSDAY (the 11th) at 8PM, NYC time.
That's:
1AM in the UK 5PM in California and PARTS WEST 6PM in Denver, where my agent is 7PM in MIDDLE US 8PM in New York City, where I AM
I will then REVIEW the submissions and give the book to one of you.
How will I choose?
Copies of the book are currently rare, but I will give away some more as the summer goes on. But only one copy can be copy #1. Just imagine that. The very first one.
People will covet what you have.
“One more question,” you say, because you are nothing if not thorough. “Do I have to have read Suite Scarlett to enter?”
Well, technically no. But the book will mean more if you have, because it’s a sequel. And your guesses will probably make more sense, because you’ll know who the characters are. If you haven’t read it, you can do so NOW.
Why not read the book now?
The next blog, I promise, will be AN ADVICE BLOG. Now, GET TO IT!
GOOD MORNING! It is time to give out some prizes from last night.
First, for a random question in the comments:
Lily asks: Hey Maureen, I have a question for you… If you had a choice between blogging everyday for the next ten years (including your birthday, Christmas, talk-like-a-pirate-day and times of all other celebratory events) OR blogging about twice a month from a platform SUSPENDED 100 FEET IN THE AIR… which would you choose?? Loves xxxxx
Lily, I think I will find out that answer in a few weeks when I am on a platform hundreds of feet in the air trapezing myself to death.
Second, for a surprise! There were many, and I loved them all. FOR INSTANCE, there is now a BEDA BUDDIES Youtube channel. There was this video, and this one, and this poem. There were photos and letters and stories, and I loved THEM ALL. It took me ALL MORNING to go through them and APPRECIATE them.
However, I think I was MOST surprised by this. Neil has created something truly special here.
(In case you are wondering, he is referencing this video I made with Libba Bray. Also, I think Neil may be very, very tired, and this exhaustion has brought out his GENIUS.)
Third, the review. Thank you to EVERYONE who posted one! I had to pick randomly. Lauren, who posted one in Amazon, came out the winner!
So Lily, Neil, and Lauren . . . please e-mail me all RELEVANT INFORMATION so that I can send you your books!
I want to thank everyone who joined BEDA, or read, or left comments . . . basically, everyone reading this now. Because there is no way I would have made it through without you.
Also, for those of you who have written in and seem sad that my BEDA is over . . . DON'T WORRY. My blog is NOT OVER. This was just something to KICK START a whole new era of LOTS Of blogging and the new Ning. And I am RIGHT NOW working on something new for the SUMMER.* So I'm still here, things are still rolling, and YOU should keep blogging and buddying. This was only the start!
For EXAMPLE. Kasey is looking to start a group blog with people, with each person taking one day of the week. WHY NOT JOIN?
Do YOU have other BEDA-related projects you are starting with other people? Let me know!
So, I'm just going to take a day or two off IS ALL. I have to go do some Scarlett-related things, as today is her OFFICIAL paperback release. Since it is also Buy Indy Day (in support of independent bookstores), perhaps you would consider getting a copy at YOUR LOCAL STORE? Perhaps? It is up to you.
So, for the last day of BEDA, I thought I would do something I did on Christmas Eve. Namely, I blogged for MANY HOURS, answering questions and giving things away on a rolling basis. I’m doing this today from noon to six.
So this blog will change ALL DAY LONG. Keep checking back to find answers to questions and maybe catch a SPONTANEOUS Scarlett giveaway!
This morning, I went down my street to buy something and I noticed that the house next to my apartment building, smack in the middle of the street . . . was gone. GONE. I was out yesterday, and they TOOK IT AWAY. Which means that we must start the day on this musical note, with Madness, one of the all-time most awesome bands, singing about their house in the middle of the street:
I look forward to your QUESTIONS. See you SOON.
QUESTION #1
Kali asks: When are you going to TRAPEZE SCHOOL? And can we come with you? I think we should have a small gathering in which we go together. Moral support and the likes.
The current plan is that I will be going around the time of BEA (Book Expo America), which is a massive publishing event here in New York. This is because my agent wants to watch. But because I'm not TOTALLY stupid, I have enlisted someone who is POSSIBLY AS SCARED AS I AM to come with me. Yes, I will be taking Twilight Boy Kaleb Nation up to the platform with me. As the scheduling firms up and things are put into place, I will update on this. TRUST ME. I will be talking about it ALL THE TIME. I don't actually know if people can go. It's a private school. I'll talk to them. But WHO WOULD COME TO THAT???
QUESTION #2
Hilary asks: As a fellow catholic school girl and someone from the Philly suburbs, how do you give a class presentation WITHOUT FREAKING OUT?!
The important thing to remember about class presentations is that pretty much no one in the entire class cares what you are saying. Everyone is: a). freaking out for the presentation THEY are about to give, b). recovering from giving a presentation, or c). sleeping with their eyes open.
The only exceptions to this rule are:
YOUR FRIENDS: Who are watching to make sure you survive THE GRADE OBSESSED: Who think everything is a competition THE PERKY PEOPLE WHO PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING: Who are far too awake THE PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T FINISHED PREPARING: Who are watching you for hints THE EVIL: Who like to mess with people at the front of the class YOUR TEACHER
Looking at that list, I realize that in fact MANY people are watching, all with different motives. I offer three suggestions:
1. Go early 2. Make it short 3. Show a video/give out candy whenever possible
That's just the survival plan. If you are asking how to give a presentation with STYLE, that is a different matter! Is that what you are asking?
QUESTION #3
TiffanySchmidt asks: My 6th graders requested ABBA for writing music. They call it: "the musical form of caffeine" Wonder where they got that? ;)
Some days I truly feel like my work is done.
QUESTION #4
Death Pixie asks: As an author, how do you react to criticism especially when the critic is another author??
It's actually pretty rare (in my experience) that another author offers criticism.* Not to your face, anyway. Unless they are writing a formal review with a byline, just slamming your book randomly is pretty bad form. At least, in my world. People may be saying ALL KINDS of things about your book in private that you will never know. And it's really much better that way.
But reviews, in general? Honestly, it's best not to give them much time. People have opinions about everything. Reviews are just some specific people writing down some specific opinions. Reviewers themselves vary wildly as well. You don’t need to take a test or anything to be a reviewer. Depending on where you are reviewing, it might not be that hard at all to get the job. I was hired as a reviewer in grad school. They gave me $50 and a book and I used it as a chance to show off and take out my frustrations, which is pretty common. Some reviewers are excellent. Some reviewers are really bad. Some reviewers are great, but just aren't right for your book. Some reviewers praise your book unfairly, or dismiss it because they are having a bad day. Good reviewers write poor reviews sometimes, and really awful reviewers occasionally hit the nail on the head.
No matter what, it’s a lot of noise. You can’t listen to what everyone thinks. You just can’t. You’ll go insane. It won’t help you. (I discussed this once here.) You have to learn who to listen to, and how to trust yourself and your own voice.
Think about it: what if you asked a hundred people to give opinions on what you are wearing today. A hundred totally random, opinionated people who like to tell other people what they think. You’d get a hundred or so different reports. Some people would be nice. Some people would just be mean because that’s how they get their fun. Some people would try to “help” you by suggesting things that THEY would wear, things that you don’t like and don’t have and wouldn’t suit you anyway. What would you do with all of that information? You’d go and hide under your bed. Because that much random input is meaningless. You couldn’t put on an outfit that would please them ALL. It’s UNPOSSIBLE!
It’s useless when too many people are talking.
Which doesn’t mean to say that you (and by you, I mean me) ignore what everyone says about your book. It means that you just have to be very selective in what moves you, and you have to have confidence in what you are doing, and learn to find useful pieces of information in all of the things being thrown at you.
That being said . . . if you like Suite Scarlett, why not take the time right now to leave a nice review here or here? "But why?" you ask. "You just said it was TOO MUCH!"
For the author, it is. But for people looking for things to read, your positive recommendation is VERY VALUABLE! I am ENORMOUSLY grateful when people leave nice reviews. And if you didn't like the book, well, you can say that too. But you can also just go HERE instead!
I'm in the mood to give out a book soon. Very soon. I should propose a challenge of some sort to win it . . .
*thinks*
OKAY . . . FIRST prize giveaway of the day! FIRST one! It's a SIGNED SCARLETT to a random commenter. I'll choose at 4:30 (that's one hour and 15 minutes from NOW). So ASK MORE QUESTIONS!
I'll make the next challenge into an actual challenge. But for now, it's time to just give away a Scarlett to celebrate.
QUESTION #5
brnh asks: Any suggestions for making OUR last post of BEDA special? I've reached a blogging lull and could use the help...
Here are just a FEW things you can do:
1. Go and read some BEDA blogs at random. Write a FULL RESPONSE to someone you don't know. 2. Write a letter to me or a review of Suite Scarlett. I WILL READ IT IF YOU SEND ME THE LINK VIA E-MAIL. 3. Make up a recipe. Test it out. It does not have to be GOOD. 4. Write some FAN FICTION. 5. Write an open letter to something of yours that doesn't work right. Tell it off.
QUESTION #6
Tobias asks: Should I grow a beard?
This is really up to you, Tobias. I have to admit that I am not personally a fan of beards. Oh sure, sometimes I see one that looks right. But in general, I admire clean-shavenness. I think it makes you guys seem very, very clever, the way you debeard yourselves! I like a nice CHIN. I can't help it. It is just the way I am. My personal preferences come through.
Why not ask yourself this question: WHAT WOULD JOHN BARROWMAN DO?
[NEWSBREAK! It looks like someone read what I wrote above and left a new nice review of Scarlett on Amazon! I LOVE YOU! In fact, if you leave a nice review of Scarlett on Amazon or BN, I will MARRY YOU. That's right. MARRY YOU. Think of the joy we will experience together!]
Okay . . .
QUESTION #7
rubber ducky asks: The guy I have a crush on forgot my name today. I am trying to be optimistic and saying it's because he only knows my nickname. Am I delusional?
This is the BEST POSSIBLE NEWS! You see, when you REALLY LIKE someone, you sometimes lose control of some of the finer functions of your mind. Which is why conversations like this happen. Say you're working at, oh, I don't know . . . Starbucks. And the person who you like comes in for a coffee.
PERSON WHO IS LIKED: Hi. YOU: *blank stare* PWIL: Um . . . YOU: (overly loud) Oh HI! HI!!!!!!!!!!! PWIL: Can I have a grande latte? YOU: What? PWIL: Can I have a grande latte? YOU: What? PWIL: Can I have a . . . YOU: OH MY GOD! I thought you said GRANDMA! *burst of inappropriate laughter* Yeah. I thought you said . . . um, what? Hi, by the way! PWIL: Hi. Can I have a grande latte? YOU: That . . . is my favorite drink. PWIL: Oh really? YOU: Yes. PWIL: Can I have one? YOU: What? PWIL: A grande latte. YOU: Oh, right! *more laughter* Sure. SURE! Let me just. *random hitting of keys, accidentally charge $49.99* Oh, um . . . forget that! It's on me! What's your nam . . . oh, I know your name. I mean, I don't, like whisper it to myself at night before I go to sleep or anything! PWIL: *just kind of looks at you* YOU: *panic* PWIL: *just kind of looks at you* YOU: Any . . . pastry? PWIL: I'm good. YOU: YEAH you are! PWIL: *just stares at you* YOU: So . . . PWIL: Can I have my coffee? YOU: What?
So, not worry, Rubber Ducky! I have no doubt that the person in question was actually singing this to himself in his head:
[NEWSFLASH! The first WINNER of TODAY is Mrs.JasperHale08. Send an ADDRESS! Another book will be given away SHORTLY! But I think I will make it MORE CHALLENGING. Ideas?]
[SONG BREAK]
I think we need some more Madness, don't you? Here's another one of their MOST AWESOME SONGS. I dedicate it to YOU.
QUESTION #8
Laura asks: I am in a Creative Writing class full of people who are clearly better than me. It is embarrassing to read my stuff out loud. And too late to drop the class. Although the class is in many ways fun I leave it feeling like a untalented person. What should I do?
First of all, one of the things about loosey-goosey classes like creative writing is that you honestly CAN'T FAIL. Well, you can, but you kind of have to make an effort to do so. For example . . . setting fire to the building. That might do it. But even then, some teachers will be into that.
And this feeling of "everyone is better than me" is something a lot of people experience when it comes to their writing. It sometimes has nothing to do with reality, and everything to do with your own fear. NO, REALLY. I have heard amazing, famous writers cry out, "I suck. I can't write. I should just KILL MYSELF."
So don't give up on the class. Push through. If necessary, make the pushing through THE ENTIRE POINT!
[NEWSFLASH]
Okay, I REALLY HAVE TO PUT ON PANTS SOON. I know, I know. It goes against everything I stand for, but I am going out to one of those places where pants are required. Or skirts. I will probably wear a skirt. Or a TOGA.
Actually, if you are stalking me (and HELLO if you are! I hope you liked those things I left in the trash for you!) . . . I am going to this tonight. It's a benefit for 826NYC, which is an awesome writing program.
I think what I will DO is leave a SERIES OF CHALLENGES on this blog shortly. Then, when I return later tonight, I will look at the results and answer a few more questions.
Also, to those of you who wrote to say you will miss my daily posts . . . THANK YOU! And also, I am cooking up something NEW and potentially MORE STUPID.
QUESTION #9
JD asks: Maureen, what do you do to spice up a desperately boring blog?
Why not throw in a few threats? It worked for the Zodiac Killer. I mean, what was the Zodiac Killer if not just a really determined blogger in the days before blogging?** He also used KOOKY SYMBOLS, and then went out and killed lots of people . . .
*thinks this over*
OR.
Or, you could give stuff away! Like this!
All right . . . I have to go out for a few hours, but when I come back, I will conclude this post! I leave THREE CHALLENGES and chances for you to WIN!
1. Challenge one: Best question. Leave it in the comments. This is pretty much like normal, I know. But today is the last day of BEDA, and I MUST GIVE OUT SOME PRIZES to YOU!
2. SURPRISE ME. You have about six hours. I have many ways of being reached, and many little TENDRILS of myself to surprise. Do something on Twitter, or on this blog, or the Ning, or some other site. I don't want to give you any suggestions, because that would not SURPRISE me. But you have been CHALLENGED.
3. I will give an additional SPECIAL PRIZE to someone who has read Scarlett and leaves a review on the places I've linked to above. It will be a SPECIAL prize.
All right! See you around midnight OR SO! I am off to RAISE MONEY FOR WRITING PROGRAMS!
* I am assuming you mean flat-out negative remarks here. If someone I respect gives me comments I can use, then I'm very happy. ** I guess the answer is: He was a crazy, crazy, crazy serial killer.
Margaret asks: you said the other night that you would show us the Scarlett playlist. Can you please do that?
So I was on Twitter the other night, and I mentioned that I was listening to Grace Kelly by Mika, and that it was one of the big songs off my Suite Scarlett playlist. I wasn’t entirely sure if anyone CARED what I was listening to when I wrote the book, but the responses I got back indicated that people cared VERY MUCH. Which surprised me.
I’m actually pretty persnickety about my music-listening-while-writing habits. I put together playlists of songs, and I will only play those songs while I’m working. I pay a lot of attention to music when it’s playing. So I need to listen to something about 50 times in a row so that it’s just THERE. It just becomes the background.
And I don’t really know why I pick the songs I do. Only a few follow the themes of the book. They just ARE the right songs. It’s not that these are my favorite songs of all time—I like them. Some of them I love. They’re just the songs that were right. For me, anyway. I’m not suggesting you should listen to them or even pay the slightest bit of attention to this list. I answer only because I was asked.
There are actually three different Scarlett playlists alone—one for each major draft (probably about 60 songs in all). I’ve taken just a few of them, the ones I really remember and associate with writing the book.
Something 4 the Weekend by Super Furry Animals
This is the biggest and most important song, as far as Scarlett is concerned, though I have no idea WHY. I can only tell you that I was sitting at my desk on a cold winter’s morning, trying to figure out what I was going to write my next book about.
Anyway, this song came cycling through on my iTunes—and it just happened that at that moment, I thought of Suite Scarlett. Pretty much the whole thing. And for some reason, this song helped me think of it. I kept it on for hours and hours as I wrote the sketch of the story, and whenever I’m stuck and want to get back to the basics, I play it. It takes me right back to that initial moment. According to the play count, though, this is the #1 most played song on my computer.
Grace Kelly by Mika
I saw Mika on Late Night with Jules Holland, a few weeks or months before his album came out. He played this song, and I went insane for it and started pointing wildly at the television. I needed this song at once.
People I love or hate Mika, which is fair. I love him. And this song, for me, embodies the spirit of the book. If you hate Mika, IGNORE THIS.
I don’t understand this video, but I still want to BE IN IT.
April Fools by Rufus Wainwright
I worship at the altar of Rufus Wainwright, and this song is one of my favorites of his. This is the song I would play whenever I thought about how the Martins all got along (this one, and one called “Little Sister”). But this one was really the big one for me. I will never, ever get bored of the way Rufus and Martha (Rufus’s sister, also a musician) sing together on this song. It reminds me of Scarlett and Spencer.
This video is awesome. In case you don’t quite know what he’s talking about . . . Rufus is a big opera fan, and many of the leading ladies of opera meet terrible, terrible ends. This is Rufus spending a day with some of these characters and basically trying to keep them from biting it. (Martha is the one in the kimono.)
Nobody Cares by The 88
At some point while I was writing, I got a copy of Over and Over by The 88 and I remember playing it over and over for days on end while I was writing. It felt exactly right. The lyric is fairly relevant to Scarlett, I think. It’s basically about how no one actually cares what your problems are.
This video is okay. I think the lead singer should shave off his beard.
Only a Show and As Long As There is You and Me, by I Monster
These were very important songs, but I have little to say about them except that I like them a lot. iTunes has taken them off the U.S. store so booooo.
Pretty much the entire album of “Mobilize” by Grant Lee Philips
Okay, before you even say it . . . no. I didn’t know that Grant Lee Philips was “the troubadour” on the Gilmore Girls. I never watched the show. I was actually just a Grant Lee Philips fan. I was telling someone of my love for his album “Mobilize,” and she said, “Oh, the guy from the Gilmore Girls?” And I said, “No, the musician.” And she said, “Oh, the guy from the Gilmore Girls?” And I said, “No . . .”
And this went on for about six hours (five minutes) until we realized that this was ONE IN THE SAME PERSON. I felt mildly betrayed by this. I’m not 100% sure why. Maybe I just felt like a musician I love shouldn’t be SNEAKING AROUND the background of a television show, LURKING under streetlights, playing SMALL SNIPPETS of songs I adore. You have to admit that is a little coy and messed up.
Musicians should not be permitted to hide in plain sight in this fashion. This is not the witness protection program.* What’s next? Is David Bowie concealing himself on the set of Lost? Is Ben Folds cleverly camouflaging himself as a doorman on Gossip Girl?
Louis Quatorze by Bow Wow Wow
This song is hilariously filthy. It's about a 14 year old girl who is clearly "dating" a boy who is older. (How much older is unclear, but it seems like he is A LOT older, and he calls himself Louis Quatorze, which is also really weird and fabulous, because who sneaks around dating 14 year-olds while pretending to be a long dead French king? It is simply PERVERSE.) And believe it or not, between this and an exhibition of Velazquez paintings in London, I came up with the basics of Scarlett and Eric’s relationship.
Thanks to the movie Marie Antoinette, the awesomeness of Bow Wow Wow (and Annabella Lwin in particular) has been introduced to a new audience. The band was basically a big setup by Malcolm McLaren (who ran the Sex Pistols) to promote Vivienne Westwood’s fashions. Which is a weird way for a band to start, and by rights they shouldn’t be as good as they are, but Vivienne and Malcom had a way with these kinds of things.
And Velazquez? See, Velazquez was the painter of the Spanish court, and one of his jobs was to paint the princess Margaret Theresa, who was betrothed when she was very small to her uncle, Leopold I, the Holy Roman Emperor. He had to paint the princess every year or so to show her uncle/future husband how his wife was turning out.** The resulting series of paintings are remarkable both for their execution and their historical relevance. What’s truly amazing is that this incredibly creepy-sounding couple turned out to be very happy together—had a long and happy marriage.
So what do these two things have to do with the story? Well, I knew that Scarlett’s relationship with Eric was always going to be awkward, that people would have issues with it. And I wanted part of the difficultly to be related to an age difference, enough that Scarlett could always feel that Eric was able to do things that she couldn’t, that there was always a little tension because of it.
I didn’t want it to go from being awkward to being ILLEGAL, though, because that’s a different book. So when the book started, he was 20. Then I knocked him down to 19, then to 18. In the end, I figured that it was sort of enough that he was going off to acting school while Scarlett was still at home, still in high school. That is truly hard enough to deal with.
Nothing, Chorus Line, Original Broadway Cast Album
I reference A Chorus Line in the book. A Chorus Line is a musical written in 1975, though “written” in this case is a slightly loose term. The musical came out of a series of taped conversations with a group of dancers in 1974.*** Their stories were taken fairly directly and molded into the story, which revolves around an audition for a chorus line. So all the characters are based on real performers and the things they have gone through.
This song was always one of my favorites. Moralis tells the story of failing her acting class at the High School for Performing Arts (in the book, Spencer is a graduate of this school). She can’t embrace what she feels are “bullshit” exercises in which she has to feel like a table and an ice cream cone. The teacher allows her to be mocked and tells her that perhaps she isn’t fit to be an actress. I met only one or two teachers in theater school who were like this, but I remember that this song meant a lot to be during a particularly rough period.
Tiger and Dancing Queen by Abba
You knew Abba would be on there. You know you did.
And because I was also asked to publish them as an iMix, I will do so LATER THIS EVENING or EARLY TOMORROW. It will be LONGER than this list.
And, of course, I have two books to give out to RANDOM COMMENTERS! They are:
From Blogspot: Lindsay (aka Daisy Buzzblebee) From the Ning: Kendyl
E-mail me your addresses and SIGNED COPIES are on their way!
I’ll be giving out some more copies LATER IN THE WEEK! See you tomorrow with MANY MORE ANSWERS TO THINGS!
* Or, if it is, then the witness protection is not very good. ** Things were complicated before the internet was around. *** Mrs. Amberson claims to have been one of them, and that her contribution was cut out of the story in one of the last versions of the script.
This is not today's REAL BEDA post. This is a BONUS post.
I'm about to board a plane to leave Las Vegas, but before I leave the city of sin, I make a bet with YOU, dear readers.
A few days ago, I made a stupid pledge to go to the New York Trapeze School if the Suite Scarlett paperback made the New York Times Bestseller list.
Well! The book is now OUT. It arrived a few days early. And since I am in a SPORTING MOOD, I issue a challenge. (Borrowed from my friend Kaleb Nation.) If Suite Scarlett breaks the top 1000 on Amazon today, I accept the trapeze penalty.
This is a ONE DAY BONUS ROUND, purely in honor of the early release and my new VEGAS ways!
What makes it even MORE sporting is that I will be on an airplane for the rest of the day and WON'T KNOW what the outcome is until I land, but I am COUNTING ON YOU not to let me down. I am BANKING on the fact that I am not going to trapeze school.
So, please, whatever you do . . . buy something else. Surely you need another Paper Towns, or Kaleb's book, or Robin Wasserman's Skinned, or How to Be Bad, or How to Ditch Your Fairy, or one of Cassie Clare's books . . . or one of MANY OTHER FINE BOOKS.
Come on, people! SHOW ME YOUR SLACK! Don't spend any money!
It's a bet.
Ill be back later with the final chapter of THE TIGER DIARIES, and the OUTCOME of this challenge!
Occasionally, I am asked to stand in front of groups of people and say something marginally coherent about why I do what I do. This is pleasant, flattering, and annoying all at the same time, because frankly, I am really best while sitting at my desk, thinking my little thoughts. And even then, it really depends on how you define “best.”
I recently had to do this for Suite Scarlett. “Why did you write it?” people asked me. I gave my usual thousand-yard stare for a moment and had my usual thought that every other author I know is PREPARED when this question comes. They say something really pithy and connected, something that makes your brain quiver excitedly. And everyone is looking at me thinking I’m going to say something that produces a similar result.
The truth is, I usually cruise along on what I smilingly call FINELY HONED INSTINCT. Which is fine when I am at my desk, and less fine when I am in front of a group of people who have Expectations and want me to do something aside from twist my hair around my finger and hum quietly under my breath. People want answers! Talking points to take away! Well formed nuggets of information! They want to know what it’s ABOUT!
See, the problem is, Suite Scarlett came out of a list of stuff.
One day, I just sat down and starting writing a list of things . . . things that influenced me when I was a kid or a teenager. Things I admired. Things I aspired to. The things I would want to see in one story. There were at least a dozen things on the list. And out of that, about four hours later, came (almost fully formed) the spine of all three Scarlett books. “Like Athena from the forehead of Zeus,” I would say later. Not to anyone in particular. Just quietly, to myself.
So I find when I try to explain where it all came from, I have to pick the list apart and tell the stories one by one. And instead of delicious information nuggets, I offer up a kind of information smoothie, but not even in a cup . . . just sort of loose. And no one wants a pocket full of smoothie.
The good thing about Blogging Every Day in April, however, is that I have LOADS of time to list these items one by one! And so, today, I will begin with this one . . .
What’s that, you ask? Only the credit sequence to 80s television phenomenon Fame—based on the movie musical of the same name, about life at the High School for Performing Arts in New York City, which is where I wanted to be. THIS is what I expected from high school. WHAT A SURPRISE I GOT! Sure, I really should have known. I went to school inside of a convent in Philadelphia, not to the School for Performing Arts in New York. Even if I HAD lived in New York, I’m pretty sure I couldn’t have gotten in, as I had no . . . you know . . . skills. Not the skills they would have wanted. “Dance!” they would have said. I am not convinced they would have been impressed with the result.
Everything was against me, really.
I guess what’s even stranger is that I didn’t necessarily want to perform. Well, perhaps a bit. I mostly wanted to write. I wanted to write, and maybe, on occasion, do some performing thing. I had no idea what job that was, but it sounded pretty awesome and unlikely. I WANTED that dancing and singing in the hallway dream. I wanted to be there, wherever there was. I wanted to start paying in sweat. I wasn’t one of those people who was going to let a lack of talent stop me from doing something I want to do. Fortunately, the theater is filled with kindred souls who feel the same exact way.
I started performing in college, and from there, working on new plays. When I graduated, I became the literary manager of a Philadelphia theater company. I was thrown in headfirst, profoundly unqualified. I had absolutely no idea how to do my job, so I most just winged things for a year and took a lot of notes. Which, as it turns out, isn’t a half-bad way to learn how something is done. The thing you learn isn’t necessarily the thing you are SUPPOSED to be learning or doing, mind you . . . but that is the way these things often work. You learn what you can, where you are.
At the end of it all, I found myself accepted to theater school as a dramaturgy student. FAME! It had come to me finally! Dancing in the hallways! Paying in sweat! Sure, I was more on the pencilheaded geek side of things, dramaturgy being perhaps the most thankless career in the known artistic universe. But still! I was there!
On the first day, I walked into rehearsal. I was going to see a venerated, major European director at work, directing Brecht’s Caucasian Chalk Circle. I had the play in my hand—a huge printed out version in a binder for notetaking. I had about sixty colored pencils to mark up the script with all of his brilliant utterances. Thirty actors were gathered in front of him, waiting for his first instruction.
He stood up, looked at all the actors and said, “Take off your pants.”
And they did. They all took off their pants. They kept them off all day. I saw Brecht performed totally pantless.
I’m not sure if he ever explained why he wanted their pants off. No one even asked him. I’m not sure it matters.
Sure, it was kind of an abuse of power and completely unnecessary . . . but in that moment . . . I realized that this was really it. It wasn’t Debbie Allen in the corner with her magical dance stick, not where I was going, anyway. But it was a world in which everyone was willing to take orders like “take off your pants” and think absolutely nothing of it. Everyone was on the same page . . . and there was no such thing as too weird. All the pants were off.
I was home.
For the next few years, I learned that there was nothing too cheap, too weird, or too insane to pass as a show. I have seen productions of Shakespeare performed in rooms that only fit five chairs so that everyone else had to stand outside on the sidewalk and peer in a window. I have seen sets comprised of nothing but small amounts of fruit. I have put out three entirely separate live, actual fires during shows. I once literally tackled an actor who ran away right before curtain and hauled her back to perform.
I spent days, hours, weeks sitting on theater floors watching actors do things. All kinds of things. One thing that never seemed to stop was the comedy and biomechanical work. Once the actors started learning those walking into the walls tricks, or the fake punches, or the fake falling down stairs . . . well, they always needed an audience for that, and that audience was me.
“Watch,” they would say. “Watch. I’m going to walk into this . . .”
Boof. Into the wall.
“How was that?”
“Fine,” I’d say.
“Wait, I’ll do it again.”
Twenty times later . . .
And so, those of you familiar with the book might see the beginnings of Spencer and Scarlett. Spencer, the actor from the High School for Performing Arts, skilled at walking into walls. Scarlett, the constant observer, the non-performer, writing down her insane little plans.
Mostly, though, I wrote Suite Scarlett to become incredibly famous and powerful . . . so they I too could walk into a room, have the full attention of a large group of people (or a group of people blogging every day in April), and say, “Take off your pants.”
So, here we are on the first day of Blog Every Day April! I am very excited by the number of people who are participating . . . so many people who are signing on to write (or film) something EVERY SINGLE DAY this month. For example! My friends Charlieissocool, Alex “Nerimon” Day, and John Green! And many of you I’ve just met! (I am keeping a LONG LIST. It even has a Twitter at @BEDA09!)
Because it’s so new, I’m also going to remind everyone that this blog will be published here AND at the new maureenjohnson.ning.com, where you can hang out with other people, and write your own blogs, and chat.
From me . . . what you’re going to get is more or less of a blow-by-blow account of how I spend an entire month. Let’s start NOW.
So yesterday, I was filming a video for the release of the Suite Scarlett paperback. The filming, I was told, was going to be in the Algonquin Hotel, because it is a famous, classic New York hotel, and one of the scenes from the book takes place there. Yes! The Algonquin, home of the famous Round Table—the center of New York literary life in the 1930s! So classy! And we’d been booked into a room simply referred to as “the library” on the second floor, right across from the Helen Hayes Room. More classy!
I was expecting to find one person wandering around up there with a single video camera. What I got was an entire crew of people, and lights, and those umbrella things that photographers use, and those reflective things, and two cameras, and headsets, and someone walking the hallway to make sure the filming could continue without disruption.
I was put in a chair. There was already a table of makeup ready for me—a roll of brushes as long as my arm. After that, I was miked up and put in a chair, and things were placed around me, and lights and sound were checked.
When I was said and done, the first thing I realized was that the entire setup looked amazingly like the set of Monsterpiece Theater.
Me.
Alistair Cookie, Monsterpiece Theater
“This is like Monsterpiece Theater,” I said. But everyone else was too busy taping things to me to pay any attention to this. I had a LOT of stuff taped to me. I felt like a refrigerator.
So we filmed a bunch of stuff. Me talking about the book. Me saying hi to people shopping for books. Me reading. It was a lot of me doing stuff. And between takes (there was even one of those clapper things), the makeup woman would come over and polish me. I just sat very still throughout the whole thing.
I was reminded, sitting there, of the many, many articles I’ve read where actors talk about what it’s like to be on a set—the many hours they spend sitting in a makeup chair so that they can step in front of a camera and do something for two minutes. Then they have to get touched up and stuck back in their trailers.
But this was just me, talking about stuff. But you see what I mean, hopefully. I RELATED to the pain of movie stars. Later on, when we had to do some other shots, I was wandering around with my microphone strapped to me and a pack on my back and two people with cameras. And I had all of this MAKEUP on. I could see people looking at me and wondering who I could possibly be.
“This must be what WEATHERPEOPLE feel like,” I thought to myself.
Anyway, one of the questions I had to answer—several times, on several takes—was if I knew I was always going to be a writer, even when I was Scarlett’s age (15). I didn’t have anything ready to say, so I just started talking. On each successive take, I would a). try to remember what I’d just said, b). try to make it slightly more coherent.
The answer is . . . yes. Yes I did. I’ve been writing forever, largely because I was always a bit of an Indoor Child. You know what I mean. Likes indoor recess. Takes books to the playground and sits on the monkeybars with them. Bleeds easily.
I was also an only child. Only children are forced to come up with ways of entertaining themselves. I thought back on some of the games I invented to entertain myself as a tiny mj. Here are just a few:
LOBSTER POOL
This is where you jump into a pool and swim out to the middle, then imagine that a truck of lobsters as been pulled up to the swallow end and . . . inexplicably . . . been offloaded. The pool is now full of lobsters on one end. Your job: get out of the pool as quickly as you can by feverishly paddling to the ladder. (I don’t really know how fast lobsters can move. In my imagination, it was REALLY FAST.)
Can also be played with crabs.
GROCERY STORE WARS
You and your friends have been kidnapped by a madman who forces you to live in a grocery store. Every once in a while, he comes down and chases you through the aisles. As you shop, figure out how you can defend yourself and build shelters out of the things you see.
You can try this in other stores, but I always found grocery stores work best. Other stores often have things that are actually useful in these situations. (See Dawn of the Dead—the zombie movie in which survivors live in a mall—for examples of this.) It’s much more challenging to figure out how to defend yourself with things like muffins, cream cheese, and plastic wrap.
Don’t ask yourself why anyone would kidnap children and make them live in a grocery store, as this will ruin the flow of the game. COUNT CRAZY AUNT’S CHANGE
My Aunt Clara was out of her mind in many ways and disliked most living things except her very greasy and violent cockatoo (named “Too-Too”) that would occasionally escape from its cage and terrorize me. She had owned many of these horrible birds, and often told me a dramatic story about the one who died right before I was born. “I let him out, just one day,” she said. “Just one day . . . and first he flew into the curtains and got all confused, and he then flew right into the kitchen cabinets, over and over again, until he slid down and fell into the sink.” Even as a child, I realized the bird had committed suicide, but I never said this. Living with my aunt couldn’t have been fun. Her goal in life was to hold a koala. She failed, largely because she never went anywhere. So she just collected small stuffed koalas and pictures of koalas and smoked and made jello and hated people.
Her birds were unlike my grandmother’s many parakeets, who were pleasant and chirpy, probably because my grandmother was a much more pleasant person. (Thought she did go through a strange period in which every bird she bought only had one foot. It wasn’t intentional. She’d get them home and they’d just start hopping strangely . . . and sure enough, one foot. Don’t buy your parakeets at Sears, that’s all I can say.)
Anyway, my Aunt Clara distrusted doctors and banks. So she refused to ever get medical exams, and she kept all of her money in old peanut butter jars in her closet. “So I can watch it grow,” she would say to me. She did like me, however. She liked kids, because “you can trust ‘em.” When she babysat me, she would often have me count her change while she listened to talk radio. I even kept records of my change counting on this pad of paper she kept on her kitchen table. For some reason, I thought this was fun. When I would go to other relative’s houses and I got bored, I would ask to count their change too. I would report this back to my aunt, who nodded sagely and said, “That’s my girl.”
I have no idea what this means.
These are just some of the stories I COULD have told in the video, but decided not to. They are, however, the kinds of stories you can look forward to hearing more of this month, as I become increasingly desperate to figure out what to blog about EVERY SINGLE DAY.
And anyway, if had been smart, I would have just recreated THIS video.
Right before I left New York, I noticed that the annual “street fair of death” had come to my neighborhood again, with it its questionable, rickety rides designed to thin out the population, one carnival ticket at a time.
Oh, they don’t CALL it the “street fair of death,” because they don’t care about the truth. They call it a fun fair. That’s exactly what they called that festival of bad ideas I went to in the Midwest, where the biggest attraction was a crane manned by two fourteen year old guys—the one that had a cardboard sign that said, “crane rides $5” and when you gave them the $5 they would hoist you up and swing you.
And people thought I was crazy for refusing to do it.
But any of you who have read this blog for longer than a minute know that I have a healthy appreciation of fear. I am good with fear, in the same way that some people are good with wine.
But all of that is hastily put aside for Roller Derby.
I was first introduced to the glories of the Roller Derby by my friend Winchester Grey, who runs the internet.* Winchester said he felt strongly that I would enjoy the derby. And he was right. Then we started bringing Scott and Justine, and they loved it. And recently, we started bringing Robin Wasserman, who also seemed to like it, but with the healthy Harvard skepticism for which she is justifiably famous.
Here’s how Roller Derby basically works . . .
There are all these SUPER COOL GIRLS (in this case, of the Gotham Girls Roller Derby, which is the New York league) with excellent names like Suzy Hotrod and Besonslay and Stevie Kicks and Surly Temple. Each team has one person going around the track called a Jammer. Her job is to whip around the track, scoring points. Meanwhile, basically EVERYONE ELSE ON THE OTHER TEAM is trying to STOP HER by BLOCKING HER through AWESOME FULL-BODY CONTACT. And, of course, they are doing this all on roller skates while going super-fast and wearing excellent outfits, and everyone in the stands is SCREAMING for MORE BLOOD.
Can you find one thing in that not to like? Even one?
So, Scott also blogged about how completely excellent Roller Derby is, and a Roller Derby princess named Em-Dash (she is also an editor—HOW EXCELLENT IS THAT?) wrote and said, “Would you like to come as our guest? And sit in VIP seats?”
To which we said, YES, PLEASE.
So we got to the Roller Derby and were pointed toward where we would be sitting, which was quite near the Bad Girl seats. (When they players are bad, they sit in these. They usually SKID up to the them on their KNEES and crash into the chairs for fun.)
We were just getting ourselves situated, Justine, Scott, Robin, and I, when someone came over to us and said, “Do you know what they call this section you are in? The CORNER OF DEATH. This is where a lot of the players lose control coming around the bend and CRASH INTO THE STANDS at about a hundred miles an hour.”
Robin and Justine looked a little wide-eyed at this, and Scott and I smiled and said, “Coooooooooool.”
For a while, Justine and Robin wanted to convince us that death by flying roller derby girl would be bad, but Scott and I just didn’t get it. I have always assumed that I will die in some absurd way, anyway, like that playwright who bought it when a low-flying eagle dropped a tortoise on his head.** Death by roller derby girl is several steps up from what I have been imagining for myself, so I am okay with it.
To give you some sense of how completely wonderful it was, here are some pictures Scott took:
Awesome
More awesome
Awesome cheerleaders
I see from the website that there are tryouts in December. Which brings me back to the point that I want to be a Gotham Girl very, very badly. However, when I said that thing about how I would not be afraid of being in the roller derby? I meant the other thing, the thing in which I am ACUTELY TERRIFIED of being in the roller derby. I hate injury and death, I really do. I would be very good with the making up of the name-wearing the uniform-skating in circles around the track thing . . . but the part where you get chased and slammed into walls and body-checked . . . that is where I might fail. The only thing I can think of that might work in my favor is that I have a POWERFUL WILL TO LIVE and I might be good at running (or skating) away from people who want to kill me.
I mean, this is what the crowd looks like. They make it clear what they want.
Rabid fans
Maybe I should keep with the writing instead. I have enough of it to do.
But! I promised today that I would be announcing the winners of the SUITE SCARLETT SWEEPSTAKES! I love the truth, so I will fulfill this promise.
Back at the start of the summer, I told you about a sweepstakes Scholastic was having for Suite Scarlett, in which the grand prize winner got a trip for two to New York City, a stay in a fancy hotel, and the somewhat dubious award of having BRUNCH WITH ME!
THE WINNERS!
The winner is . . .
Genevieve Huard of Washington! Congrautlations, Genevieve! I will see you soon!
The five first prize-winners are: Amber Gibson, Caroline Sydney, Sarah Silberman, Amanda Braun, and Kayla Layman. They will all receive signed copies of Suite Scarlett.
NEXT TIME . . . SEKRITS ABOUT ENGLAND REVEALED!
*Okay. Winchester works for Google, but this is kind of the same thing. He took me on a tour of Google one day and let me ride one of the Google scooters down the hall, which I liked a lot. Then we went down this really serious-looking hall with the fattest cables I have ever seen running all along the ceiling for miles and miles, and I said, “What is that?” And he said, “The Internet.” And I said, “oooOOOOooOOoooooOoooh.” Also, it was Winchester who faked me out on my birthday by telling me that I was going to a special “Google party” and instead took me to dinner with Scott and Justine. He, also, does not care about the truth.
** I think this was Aeschylus, but it might have been that guy who wrote Cats.***
*** Oh wait. He’s still alive.****
**** Anyway, my major point in even mentioning this is that there are always new things we can be worrying about, like birds with an artistic agenda. Also, this seems to speak to my theory that everyone should wear a helmet at all times.*****
In my last post, I asked you if you had any questions about books. Today, I have tried to answer just a few of the questions that came in. They were all excellent, but I ended up going on and on and on about a few. Feel free to chime in! Everyone can chat in the SALON!
QUESTIONS ABOUT VAMPIRES AND (TANGENTIALLY) ABOUT BREAKING DAWN
lightforms said... Why don't vampires go after people their own age?
I assume because “people their own age” are either extremely, extremely old or are, in a word, dead. Just to take Twilight as an example . . . Edward is what? 107 years old? Even eHarmony is not going to be able to help with that. Can you imagine his online profile?
Name: Edward Cullen
Age: 100+
Physical appearance: Rock solid body. (No, really. A rock solid body.) Also, kind of pale, sparkly. Basically, I am a diamond shaped like a guy.
Skills: Running, basic cooking, playing piano. Also, can throw a minivan half a block and hear you think.
First concert you ever went to: John Phillip Sousa plays “27 Great Military Marches.”
First album you ever bought when you were a kid: Home gramophones were not commonly in use at the time.
Likes: Overcast days, running through the woods at night eating elk.
Dislikes: Open wounds, large dogs.
Do you see what I mean? Even with his 29 dimensions of compatibility, Dr. Neil Clark Warren would have a hard time finding Edward a match. And if there are some single 100 year old women out there, they are probably not very good with the internet.
Even the littlest vampires are about 80, and it’s technically possible for them to find someone their own age . . . but then you’d have an 80 year-old going out with someone who looks and acts like someone about 20 and then you’d have . . .
Oh wait. You’d have Harold and Maude! And that would be AWESOME! Okay, I see your point. Maybe they should actually date people their own age, if they can. But if they’re over a hundred, anyone should be fair game.
a literate musician said... What do you think of Jacob imprinting on Nessie?
It certainly puts a new spin on cradle robbing.
hayley said... Dear Maureen: I just wanted to say that I am an avid reader of your blog; and, also, a vampire. I would like to know if I could come to your house one day and discuss obscure literary theories. I promise I won't eat you. Sincerely, Hayley
You cannot fool me, “Hayley.” I see right through you. I know exactly who you are. Free Alan Rickman now!
killersmile said... I hear that a lot of people didn't like the end of Breaking Dawn and so a lot of people returned it to their bookstores. I don't think that there is any area of this situation that doesn't suck. Readers get a bad (ish?) book, bookstores don't get any money, and Stephanie Meyer, who has put so much time and effort into this series, gets negative feedback. Do you think this hurts more or less than having a book banned? How do authors deal with negative feedback?
Having a book banned is always worse, because it is worse for everyone. All book-banners are fascist dweebs, without exception, and they are almost always non-readers. When they win, we all lose, because that means that we are now taking direction from certified idiots and have curbed the public discourse based on their incredibly limited understanding of anything.
Negative feedback is just one of those things you have to deal with. Just because the comments are negative doesn’t necessarily mean that they are wrong. But the psychic impact of reading all the negative comments to get to the nuggets of wisdom, if they are there, can be profound and leave you twitching in the corner. You deal with it by . . . um . . . just dealing with it. Or by twitching in the corner.
beauxdanseur282 said... Has the fan reaction to Breaking Dawn frightened you, as a YA author?
Let me answer your question by talking about something else entirely.
I was fascinated by the Breaking Dawn discussion because it brought so many people out to talk about books. There were two comments I saw over and over again really made me go a little insane. They aren’t really about Breaking Dawn; they’re much broader. I have responded to these below, because if I didn’t, I was going to lose my mind and end up eating my own tie on television like Georgian president Mikhail Saakashvili. (Oh, BBC News. Did you really say “chews over his next move.” Really?)
ANNOYING POINT ONE: Fiction doesn’t have to make sense! It’s okay for the rules to change at any time. Fiction is just a bunch of made up stuff! Fantasy, especially, can do anything, at any time . . . because it’s really WEIRD fiction!
Yes, fiction is “made up stuff,” but in order for a story to function, it has to follow its own rules. If it doesn’t, it is BROKEN. All meaning and significance goes out the window. Fiction is not just a grab bag of random paragraphs, unconnected ideas, and cracked trains of thought. Saying that fantasy IN PARTICULAR has no rules . . . oooh. You just made a lot of fantasy writers reach for their phasers, light sabers, and sonic screwdrivers.
Fantasy is a creative way of re-examining the world we know, giving us a new angle on familiar concepts. The stories resonate because, at heart, they are talking about things we know and understand. Stories can be strange—very strange indeed. They can diverge from whatever you think of as reality in a million different ways. A good fantasy strikes at a universal truth. To dismiss a story because of its fantastical nature is AN EPIC FAIL.
Fantasy writers (at least the good ones) break their own backs building the worlds of their stories, weighing the impact of their choices, showing the cause and effect of the new conditions they have established.
Just taking one of a bazillion examples of fantastic fantasticals: “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka is about a man who wakes up one morning and finds that he has turned into a giant insect. Bam. From the first sentence, weird things are going on. But the story doesn’t just fly off in a dozen different directions, breaking its own logic. It consistently follows that reality, and in doing so, tells one of the most moving stories about the human condition that has ever been put to paper. It’s not just random crap about some DUDE who gets BUGGY. He doesn't just stop being buggy for no reason. There's a POINT, and it gets made in a way that is, of course, impossible in life. This is the beauty of fantasy . . . showing us the real and possible through the unlikely or impossible.
ANNOYING POINT TWO: It’s just fiction! It doesn’t mean anything! If you want meaning, read non-fiction!
It’s hard to even know where to begin with this. I had to ice my head.
Look, not every book has to wield the Big Red Hammer of Significance, bringing it down on your head over and over again . . . but stories do carry messages. Maybe the message isn’t very deep. Maybe you don’t like the message. Maybe the author didn’t even mean for the message to be there. But stories show us a slice of experience—no matter how major, minor, wrongheaded, fabulous, profound, or inane. I think people who make statements like the one above are grossly underestimating the value and impact of fiction, especially on themselves.
I think most people know this, and we all figured it out in a different way. I learned it from watching Fat Albert when I was four years old.
My dad and Bill Cosby grew up in the same area of Philadelphia around the same time, and Fat Albert is based on real people Bill Cosby knew. My dad told me this, so I watched Fat Albert appreciatively. At the start of every episode, Bill Cosby explained that while stories would be fun, they might also have a meaning, something we could glean from them. This pretty much blew my four year-old mind. That and the fact that he was throwing signs and things to Fat Albert and Fat Albert was throwing them back.
That a cartoon could actually reflect real people and real situations . . . tiny mj was staggered. Then I was trundled off to Sunday School, where I learned that Jesus taught people through parables . . . stories! Fictions! Bill Cosby AND Jesus were both using stories?
That’s how I got the point. What about you?
I’m not suggesting you should analyze every story until your brain splits apart into tiny pieces . . . but just to dismiss any significance because something is fiction is deeply foolish. Stories are one of the most powerful and ancient rhetorical tools out there. Entire civilizations fall, and their stories remain. On the surface, some of these stories are cracked-out crazy . . . stories of gods and monsters and magical whatsits of all stripes. But these stories explained the entire world, and were often carried along, changed, retold . . . so that some of those ancient cracked-out stories affect the way we see things NOW.
So maybe that cheesy romance book you’re reading isn’t a civilization builder—it still may say something about the perceptions of romance and love, of desire, of our society’s current view of relationships. Or maybe it’s all about shoes. (Which could mean it’s about consumerism and our value system.)
There’s a million ways to nerd out on this. I just get freaked out when people are so quick to dismiss fiction as a force, especially coming from people who seem to be passionately moved by a work of fiction.
I’m much calmer now.
QUESTIONS ABOUT BOOKS BY PEOPLE I KNOW, ALSO PEOPLE I DO NOT KNOW
nicole s. said... have you read How to Ditch Your Fairy, did you like it, and should I read it when it's released?
YES. I read How to Ditch Your Fairy by Justine Larbalestier when it was just a little Word document, just making its way into the world. You should read it because it is EXCELLENT. No, really. It is AWESOME. And if you are disappointed in any way (you won’t be), come to my house and I will make you a taco.
betty said... I just want to know what you think of "Paper Towns".
I think Paper Towns is awesome, and not just because I like John Green. It’s hard answering these questions because it sounds like I just like my friends’ books, but the thing is that I DO like my friends’ books.
summer said... I has book question! In The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, where does the Time Traveler go to the bathroom?
I have always wondered this exact point about the TARDIS. Also, I didn’t realize until recently just how snide the Daleks are. For trashcans with plungers sticking out of them, they certainly are full of beans. I was particularly fond of this argument they get into with the Cybermen. I think I have a DALEK CRUSH!
Does this answer your question?
intheclouds23 said... Do you think that Clary and Jace are really related?
You are talking about the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare, which I adore. But you are asking the wrong question. The more important question is: HOW CAN WE GET MORE SIMON IN THERE? Why doesn’t she call it THE SIMON STORIES? This is what I want to know! And she KNOWS it, too!
But as for your question . . . I can’t actually talk about this because I have spoken to Cassie about these books at length (in my attempts to get more Simon in there) and she’s told me everything. My lips are sealed.
renee said... Do you think Neil Gaiman is real? Do you think that you are real?
I am pretty sure I am a figment of Neil Gaiman’s imagination. QUESTIONS ABOUT AWESOME
at said... I was listening to "Honey Honey" while reading this blog post. Why hasn't there been an ABBA-inspired novel in which the main characters wear awesome fur coats in the snow and are practically perfect?
THIS IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION! Books about completely perfect people are almost by definition boring and dumb, but this would be the exception. And they should also fight crime! And maybe have a spaceship! And a talking shark!
Oh wait. I’m channeling 70s cartoons again. Why were so many of them about pop bands who fought crime? Like Josie and the Pussycats and Jabberjaw.
I don’t care. IT’S STILL AWESOME.
suvi said... Today was the first lesson of the compulsory music course in upper secondary school. You know what we did? WE SANG AND LISTENED TO AND LEARNED ABOUT AND WROTE ABOUT ABBA! All lesson was about Abba, and a little bit about the musicals Benny and Björn have done after Abba. We sang Money Money Money, and Mamma Mia, and SOS, and the teacher really tried to make sure that we know everything about them. Now I know that Finnish education is the best in the world. Everyone HAS to take that music course. They won't graduate without it. And what is so very important that everyone has to know about it? Abba, of course!
I can’t hear you over the sound of me PACKING MY BAGS AND MOVING TO FINLAND.
QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BOOKS
reese said... Did you ever consider writing a book about Aliens that suck out people's brains while at the Olympics?
Have you not read Suite Scarlett?
libraryhermit said... What's your next book going to be about?
Thank you for asking! The next one to come out is Scarlett Fever, the sequel to Suite Scarlett, and the one after that will be the sequel to Scarlett Fever! So it’s pretty Scarlettastic for the immediate future. Then I’ll do something else.
chelsea said... I just noticed that on the cover of The Bermudez Triangle, the 'M' in 'Bermudez' and the 'A' in 'Triangle' are both a little out of line. Does that have anything to do with Mel and Avery, or is it just a coincidence?
WOW. That is some observational skill. I have no idea.
victoria said... But is this choice of a random commenter to win a copy of Suite Scarlett really random? Or do you just choose you're favorite comment and say its random? Will it help my chances by saying that I nearly died laughing while reading Suite Scarlett, and that Spencer is now one of my favorite literary figures of all time?
What if I told you that you happened to be today’s random winner? Because you are. But it’s not because you were nice—I SWEAR.
In case you are thinking that I will be giving out Scarletts to random commenters forever . . . I won’t be! It ends this month!
But since it’s still on now, leave a comment and let me know what YOU are thinking about!
EXTRA! POLITICAL STYLE NOTE! Did anyone see the Obama/McCain live forum tonight? One thing is clear . . . TIES ARE OUT! WHAT WILL THEY EAT WHEN THEY GET NERVOUS?
Has it really been twelve days since I posted? Because it feels like ten minutes. That is because I have been working on Suite Scarlett 2, and when you are on deadline, time gets all funny. Weekday, weekend, day, night . . . it all gets blurry.
Have you noticed something on many YA authorblogs recently? Many of us are on deadline. That is because it is book planting season! We are hard at work on the YA farm, making the books. Summer is for planting. Fall is for harvesting! That means fall is for FINAL DRAFTS, which are infinitely worse than first drafts.
To give you some idea of what it’s been like, here is a sample exchange between me and my beloved agent, Daphne Unfeasible. Note how things progress as we approach the deadline.
May, 2008
ME Things are going really well with the book. I really have a grip on this one.
DAPHNE I am glad to hear it. I assume you will be having your normal meltdown in a few weeks, though, when you get closer to the deadline.
ME I’m not that predictable, you know.
DAPHNE Yes you are. You always have it under control, and you always have the meltdown anyway. I look forward to your meltdown. It’s like the first snowfall of the season.
ME I can’t believe you are saying this! I am not going to have a meltdown!
Late June, 2008
DAPHNE How is the book coming, beloved client?
ME Go away.
DAPHNE What’s wrong?
ME Everything. Nothing. Stop pressuring me.
DAPHNE You were happy a few weeks ago. You said it was all under control, and I said you would have your normal meltdown.
ME This is not a meltdown. Do I sound unreasonable? Do I sound crazy?
DAPHNE No, but you sound a bit grouchy. This is how the meltdown always starts.
ME Stop talking about this “meltdown”! Maybe that happened, like, once, with the first book.
DAPHNE Would you like me to send some e-mails from the past? The 13 Little Blue Envelopes ones are among my favorites. But those 3AM phone calls from Devilish were also good.
ME I don’t remember any of that. This book is different.
DAPHNE I’m only telling you this so when the panic DOES hit, you’ll remember that you have done this before, and you always make it.
ME As a JOKE. My blog readers are so much smarter than that! They know that’s not true!
July 2nd
DAPHNE How is the writing going today?
ME Great! I went to the zoo!
DAPHNE What? Why? Your book has nothing to do with the zoo.
ME It’s all part of the process!
DAPHNE I feel like you are stalling. The book is due in two weeks, you know.
ME You understand NOTHING about writing. Writing is a super-magical process that only writers understand and no one else does and mine involves going to the zoo and seeing ALL THE MONKEYS. It’s where I meet my muse.
DAPHNE I thought you were staunchly anti-muse. I thought you believed that writing is a craft that you learn through practice and devotion and it’s counterproductive and actually insulting to suggest that imaginary creatures have anything to do with it.
ME Fine. I just need the monkeys.
DAPHNE You’re sure you’re not just procrastinating because it’s getting hard?
ME Leave me alone! You are destroying the aura I’ve created! YOU ARE MAKING THE MONKEYS ANGRY!
July 7th
ME As my legal representative in all things literary on earth, I command you to come to my house and kill me with a brick.
DAPHNE You know I love to oblige your every whim, but I fear I cannot help you. Looking forward to reading the book!
ME YOU NEVER HELP ME WHEN I NEED YOU.
DAPHNE There, there. Why don’t you Swifter around your desk for a little while? That usually relaxes you.
ME I feel better. The book is not so bad.
July 9th
ME I AM GOING TO GO INTO OUTER SPACE AND NEVER COME BACK.
DAPHNE I’m not worried. You would never go into space. You won’t even wade into four feet of ocean. Finish your book.
ME Untrue! Untrue! I once jumped off a boat and swam to an island! I am a very good swimmer!
DAPHNE This is not a discussion about your swimming ability. It’s a discussion about your cowardice. You jumped off that boat because the man running it pulled out a net and said it was for catching jellyfish and that he already had a bunch of them in a bucket, and then he opened that bucket to show you, and you jumped off and swam to shore . . . which, if I remember correctly, you said was about thirty feet away.
Actually, this is a discussion about your writing. Finish your book.
ME I really don’t think the distance from the shore makes any difference.
DAPHNE You’re right. It doesn’t. Finish your book.
July 11th
ME I am baking you a cake! It’s in the oven RIGHT NOW!
DAPHNE Thank you for the cake. You are a very good baker, and I certainly appreciate it. But perhaps this week I can just go and buy myself a cake, and you and I can eat it when you FINISH YOUR BOOK.
ME It’s not the same if it comes from a store. My cake is made with love.
DAPHNE I know you love me. As you should. But if you really wanted to show it, you would give me a book.
ME I don’t think you are showing me proper respect. I am an AUTHOR. I am THE TALENT. Why aren’t you GROVELING MORE? Maybe I will throw a huge tantrum and never show you my book! DO NOT MAKE THE TALENT GO ALL DIVA ON YOU!
DAPHNE Yes, yes, little pineapple. Grovel, grovel.
ME That was totally sarcastic and not at all groveling! You have it so easy! I could be throwing cell phones at staff members in airports and wandering around the streets in a drug-induced haze, you know. I could shave off all my hair in public and make videos where I talk to baby mice. I could make you bail me out of jail at four in the morning. You could have it a lot worse! You should count your lucky stars that I am so EASY TO DEAL WITH!
DAPHNE I count them every day.
July 15th
ME lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
DAPHNE What are you laughing at?
ME A juicebox!
July 17th
ME Here you go. Scarlett Fever.
DAPHNE How are you?
ME Fine. Why?
Yes! The first draft of the book is in! And did you see that? I just slipped the title in there. The second Scarlett book is called Scarlett Fever!
SCARLETT FEVER! There’s even a version of the cover all ready to go! (Sekrit. Cannot show you yet.) There’s still loads of work to do yet. This was just a first draft. But the book is coming your way soon, and it’s bigger and more insane than the first. Spencer, in particular, goes through the wringer in this one. I wish I could tell you all about it, but I cannot give spoilers. But there are BIG THINGS AFOOT!
Okay, one spoiler. There’s a dance number. And amazingly, many of you have been suggesting things about Spencer that you were probably joking about but actually happen! Think FOOD.
Now, MANY of you have been asking—not reasonably—if I am excited for the Mamma Mia movie.
Am I excited about the Mamma Mia movie. . . .
In my mind, it is NO CONICIDENCE that Mamma Mia is coming out JUST AS THE BOOK IS DUE. And I don’t want to be all “I told you so,” but I have been expounding the virtues of Abba forever, and now everyone is all Abba, Abba, Abba. I do not resent this. I am glad that everyone is catching on!
IN FACT . . . when I was at the Gay Pride Parade here in NYC a few weeks ago (when I was in the parade, riding at the top of the Google double-decker bus), the very first person I ran into walked up to me reached into a bag and said, “Would you like a Mamma Mia, Gimme Gimme Gimme A Man After Midnight fan to beat the heat?”
And I said, “Marry me.”
He said, “Alas, I cannot. I am gay. But I will do a dance with you.”
And we did a dance.
My Mamma Mia fan.
In fact, I am so excited to see Mamma Mia that I invite ALL OF YOU to come! I am going tomorrow night. Now, I know a lot of you are not in New York. That is upsetting. The quickest way to fix this is by hitting the banner just to the right and entering the Suite Scarlett Sweepstakes! Win that trip to NYC and we will meet and do ABBA DANCES together!
To get us all ready, here is the trailer!
Even better . . . here is Abba performing the title song! Notice the filming techniques taken right from fellow Swede Ingmar Bergman! Notice the dancing that even I can do!
You know what I am thinking, actually? I am thinking I should write to the people who run the Abba Museum or Her Serene Highness Princess Anni-Frid Reuss, Countess of Plauen to ask if I could be made the official Abba YA ambassador for the United States. (Which is something I just made up but think I would be very good at. If I did so, would you support me? What do you guys think?)
Okay, book time. The winner of today’s book is Chelsea! Also, the winner of the contest for guessing the title of the new book was cweed105. So both of you . . . drop me a line for your PRIZES!
I will be blogging MUCH MORE this week, so get those comments in, because I am still giving away books!
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