LET ME ENABLE YOU

Several of you have written in to tell me you HAVE YOUR SCARLETTS! Please tell me how it goes for you. I am writing the second one NOW (well, now I am writing this blog, but when I am done, that it what I will be doing). It’s good to know what you think! Do you have questions? Comments? I NEED TO KNOW! I am very servicey like that. You can also chat about it on the excellent forum set up and run by the members of Scarlett's Eleven.

Some others of you have written in to say that your local store didn’t have it yet, and in some cases MILDLY INSULTED YOU for asking for it so soon! They may be waiting for a shipment, or the box may be in the back of the store, unopened. But should they sass you, put on your most charming smile and say, “I can assure you, good shopkeep, that the book is indeed released. The author herself told me so.”

Because I totally did.

So, I’m back from both Italy and the UK now . . . but things are still crazy around here. I leave tomorrow for THE WEDDING OF DAPHNE UNFEASIBLE, of which I am a part. Daphne, in her agenty wisdom, has asked me to creep down the aisle behind her in the guise of a “maid,” and even give a speech.

But! I have something very important I need to talk to you about today. I need to talk about YOUR FRIENDS.

When I was a high school-sized mj, the most commonly heard phrase around Chez Johnson was, “MAUREEN! GET OFF THE PHONE!” It echoed off every surface. It came out of the heating vents. The towels whispered it. The cat could say it in sign language.



Everyone wanted to know what I was doing on the phone.

I was ALWAYS on the phone. I spent enough time on it to last me ten lifetimes. Perhaps many of you are the same? Perhaps you hear the same cry from your parents/other authority figure/cat? (Feel free to substitute being online for being on the phone. I didn’t quite have that opportunity. If I had, it would have been apocalyptic.)

Yes?

Let me tell you A WONDERFUL SECRET OF GROWING UP in the hopes that I can enable your behavior and provide you justification for your actions!

Those friends I spent ALL THAT TIME ON THE PHONE WITH? Almost every single one of them turned out to be totally and completely awesome. I swell with pride when I think of the things my friends do every day. One example: Betty Vox, the person who ran the prom with me down a Philadelphia street in heels? Betty now runs the department that monitors and tries to prevent domestic violence for an entire state. Betty prevents people from being abused, even murdered. The same Betty who ran down the stairwell with me because I accidentally let fly a VERY NAUGHTY WORD in front of a nun—that’s the same Betty who’s thrown herself wholeheartedly into every case, and has even thrown herself into harm’s way. Betty has stared down killers.

Proud? Oh yes. I’m ridiculously proud of Betty. I’ve known Betty since I was eight years old, so I shudder to think of how much time we clocked on the phone. Years of my life. And you know what? Some of that stuff we talked about then is stuff we are doing now. Betty talked a lot about her views on social justice and violence. We talked a lot about how our school viewed the subject of contraception, or how we should view ourselves as sexual beings. We tore that subject up. We talked about our views of relationships various people were in--some of them very unhealthy. All that info started the ball rolling.

Want another example? Look at me and Daphne. One minute, we’re two idiots bumbling around college together. Then we’re two idiots bumbling around London together, living on cereal and breaking into our own apartment through the window above the trash cans because we can’t figure out how to open the seven locks on the door. Then we’re . . . AGENT AND AUTHOR! And then bride and maid! YEARS of hairbrained planning and wasted time and idle chatter . . .now bloomed into a joyous professional relationship.

And that’s just two of my friends. When I look around at them all, I just can’t believe how excellent they are.

IF IT WORKED FOR ME, IT CAN WORK FOR YOU!

Yes! Your friends! The ones who are always late for algebra, lost your lipstick, are always fighting with their brother/sister/boyfriend . . . but you love them anyway and have to talk to them sixteen hours a day or you’ll DIE? Those are the ones I mean. The ones you can’t live without. The ones you know in your heart are special. Those long phone conversations/chats/cat texting . . . that could all be the foundation for something bigger and more amazing than you currently imagine.

So when your parents say, “Are you EVER going to get off the phone/get offline? Don’t you know you are wasting your life?” You can say, “Au contraire, revered parental figure. I am building a FOUNDATION for a lifetime relationship. For I may now be in high school, but will not be forever. Someday, we will look back on this moment, and we will see in it the start of something great. We will laugh. This moment, now . . . this seemingly irrelevant conversation about [INSERT TOPIC HERE] that we have been having for twenty hours . . . this is where we start our empire.”

And by this point, your parental figure will be backing toward the door, stunned by your cool and weirdly stilted response. Just keep making more crap up that sounds like that, and I promise . . . problem solved!



Blind them with your STRANGE RHETORIC

You think you need more ammo? I hear you, and I provide. I have another friend to tell you about . . .

One of my friends, Peggy Banaszek, is running for State Representative* in Pennsylvania from District 182. That’s Center City, Philadelphia.

I’ve known Peggy since the age of fourteen. Peggy was that person in high school who was always smiling—not because she was crazy, but because she actually liked pretty much everyone she met, and thought school was fun. Some of you would say that is the technical definition of crazy, but I assure you, Peggy is all about the sanity.

Peggy was the loose model for Nina Bermudez in The Bermudez Triangle—the tireless and even-tempered president of the student counsel who attended specialized programs in student government, plowed through every class, and skipped sleep to help her friends. In real life, Peggy was a mathematics major at Mount Holyoke who cheerfully worked THREE jobs to pay her way through school. For Peggy, a glass of wine and a DVD box set of The West Wing is a big night out, and budget reports are enjoyable bedtime reading. Seriously. Peggy does this and she SMILES. She LIKES it. It is in her nature. I have known her for many, many years, and she has always been this way.

We are also still making fun of her for that one time she turned to us in social studies sophomore year and said, “Where are you guys thinking about getting your first suits from?” I’m serious. She really did that. And she will never live it down.

And really, there is just no one more competent. Peggy has been working very fancy jobs since the moment she graduated. I mean, she can count to like a billion, balance a budget while standing on one foot, and is compulsively honest.

It boggles my mind to think of it, because I feel like we’re all trained to believe that all politicians are rotten and barely human and the whole process is a fiasco wrapped inside of a sham. For the first time, I feel like I can really say, No! No, it’s not! I seriously know this candidate! I can provide pictures of us doing hilarious and strange dances at the prom. I know her record is clean because I am in the record! I know it back and front!

In fact, I am a staff member on her campaign! Have been for months! Oh, you may think that I spent all my time coveting Vespas, dancing to Abba, and making jello molds in the shape of Ana Metronic’s head . . . and you'd be mostly right . . . but I also do things like edit campaign letters.

In order to become state rep, Peggy has to first win the Democratic primary on Tuesday, April 22nd. Normally, no one pays any attention to primaries, but this one will be HUGE. This is the big one in Pennsylvania in which Obama and Hillary are squaring off. So we are hoping for a MONSTER TURNOUT!

So that day, I will be on patrol on the streets of Philadelphia with TEAM PEGGY, getting out the vote! If you want to meet me and hang out, feel free to do so! I will stick a VOTE PEGGY button on you and we can sing some Abba songs and talk about Vespas. All are welcome!

A quick summation of today’s points:

1. Scarlett is fully at large! Your comments are needed and welcome! If I get enough of them, I will devote a whole post to answering them.

2. I (hopefully) have provided justification for the many, many hours you spend in electronic or telephonic communication with your friends.

3. VOTE PEGGY! Come on out on April 22nd!

Now I have to go and finish writing this speech for Daphne’s wedding on Saturday (which I will blog all about, of course). It’s going along really well so far. Daphne, if you are reading this, YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE NERVOUS!


ALSO: If any of you are TEXAN LIBRARIANS, I will be at TLA next week. You can see me SEVERAL TIMES on Wednesday, the 16th. See the bulletins page for the details!



* If you are a John Green fan, you will know that he also has a friend (Daniel Biss) who is running for state rep in Illinois. Which begs the question: do ALL YA writers have friends who are running for state rep?

No. I think it is just the two of us. But it does go to prove my point. Friends make good! They even end up running stuff! Well, hopefully.