ASK MJ: IDIOTS IN LOVE

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? This is the 29th day of BEDA. Twenty-nine days of straight blogging. There was a time that I thought this would kill me. And yet, here I am. I spoke at a library conference today, along with John Green and E. Lockhart, so I’m just getting this in under the wire, but I MADE IT!

Let’s get right to your questions.

NOLADawn says: my book (your ticket to TRAPEZE SCHOOL) arrived today!!! yippee!!!!

I have noticed that many of you have written in today to see that your BLOOD MONEY SCARLETTS (the ones you ordered to send me to the trapeze) have been arriving. I have exciting news! These first copies have something UNIQUE in them.

Digsbooks asks: You're going to put a $100 bill into each of them, aren't you?

It’s actually MORE VALUABLE than that.

There is an excerpt from Scarlett Fever in the back . . . except, IT’S WRONG. For some reason, the excerpt printed is kind of a random chunk of a MUCH EARLIER DRAFT, and it doesn’t appear in the book. (Not in that form, anyway.) It’s also kind of a bizarre selection—a snippet of conversation that really isn’t the kind of thing you excerpt. You get to see something I was working on, and changed. Something that was never for public consumption! This will be corrected in later printings, so the ones you buy now will have this error, and will be WORTH A LOT OF MONEY, like an Inverted Jenny!

Erin asks: my question refers to romeo and juliet: why were all people such BIG FAT IDIOTS back then?

This question suggests that fat idiocy is over. What’s Romeo and Juliet about, anyway? Romeo and Juliet, both teenagers, fall in love after meeting each other once and get really obsessed. They get SO obsessed that they have to marry each other AT ONCE. When their love is thwarted by outside forces, they end up putting their friends and families in danger because they are oblivious to everyone else’s problems. When threatened with separation, they become suicidal. I’ll give you a moment to think about that and see if it reminds you of anything.

By which I mean to say . . . it’s not really idiocy. It’s about obsessive first love.* Obsessive first love has always been with us and will always be with us. And obsessive first love . . . is often kind of . . . stupid? I have already flagged this as dating fail in a previous post. Romeo and Juliet are not a model you want to follow.

I know that some people really do fall in love with and stay with people they meet as teenagers. It DOES happen. But those successful couples generally weren’t threatening to do themselves in if the other person had to go away. And after the first rush faded, they put a lot of work into their relationship. But most people I know went through this rush of love several times and just learned to deal.

And you know that Romeo and Juliet’s friends thought they were being TOTALLY ANNOYING. This comes through in the play. Mercutio, in particular, is deeply annoyed by Romeo. And remember, Romeo met Juliet while he was obsessing over ANOTHER GIRL and Mercutio keeps trying to cheer him up and Romeo ignores him. (And he gets Mercutio killed in the bargain. Romeo’s a REALLY IRRITATING GUY to know.)

So basically, I’m saying that Romeo and Juliet—while idiots—are familiar idiots. And everyone is an idiot now and again. You get a big crush, you get stupid. If you haven’t gotten stupid yet, I am sure you know someone who has. Do you know that friend of yours who clings to their phone and checks for messages every fourteen seconds and can’t stop talking about their new significant other until you just want to beat them over the head and stuff them in the trunk of a car and drive them to the middle of nowhere just so they have no signal and just have to shut up for a second and get a grip? That’s Romeo and Juliet. It would be so much worse if they had phones and the internet. Except they probably wouldn’t have had to die, because they could have talked online and maybe made each other videos on Youtube. It would be a different play, I think. Possibly not as dramatic.

Look, just don’t kill yourself or get your friends killed. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK? And if you need help getting a grip, or if you need to help someone else get a grip, just come see me.

Cortney asks: I love the Big Book of Snakes. But what would you do if said guy pulled out his own Big Book of Snakes?

If this happens, you are MEANT TO BE TOGETHER.

luvs2dance asks: I like a guy, but he is a TOTAL player. He just makes me feel so good about myself, though. He tells me that he likes me, but then I just see him flirt with other girls. What should I do??!!

I am reminded of an old French saying: “A popsicle is delightful for one summer afternoon, but a wheel of cheese is forever (or at least for maybe 15 to 18 months, depending on the cheese).”

Now, the French don’t actually say that, but perhaps you see what I mean. Do you want a popsicle or a wheel of cheese? And if you go for the popsicle, will you be sorry when it’s gone? It really depends on what you want. If you REALLY like him, then I think you will only be hurt if you expect to become his one and only. And if someone hurts one of you, then I have to go and cut a b%^ch.

Of course, Abba have discussed this very issue. Listen to what they have to say:



Sebastian Goodnight said: Mo, On Dave "Dude, I cook n sh#!" Lieberman: Be assured. I will get you back. –Sebastian

Crap.

Erin asks: What do you do if the boy you like is a track and field god who is incessantly cool and you are not? And the other guy you like can't make up his mind? And the other guy is four inches shorter than you?

So there are THREE guys you like? I would put it to you that you should probably go with person number two, as you ALSO cannot make up your mind. This is not as sure a match as, say, someone who also has a Big Book of Snakes, but it is a kind of safe bet.

Actually, it’s not. I take it back. Every date you go on will be pure hell. “Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know. Where do you want to go?” “I don’t know . . .” UNTIL YOU DIE.

Guy #1 and Guy #3 both sound promising, but I’m going to say that you should go for Guy #3. Who cares how tall he is? Height is no measure of awesome. It’s only a measure of . . . well, height. Short guys are cool, and crazy, and they have a lot to prove. They can slip through smaller spaces than tall guys, they can hide in large boxes, and if they are REALLY short, they can even pop out of hats.** And that, my friend, is an excellent way to be.

You can be the Josephine to his Napoleon! The Katie to his Tom! The whoever Jon Stewart is married to to his Jon Stewart!

OKAY!

Tomorrow . . . is going to be HUGE. I’m going to be liveblogging pretty much all day, answering questions that come in in the comments. Let’s end BEDA right! See you TOMORROW!


* Well, it’s about many things, but certainly obsessive love is at the center of the story.
** Depending on the style of hat. Like, one of those Lincoln hats? A short guy can for sure pop out of one of those.

ASK MJ: JERKS, TIMEWASTING, AND MURDER

FlagHag asks: How can I overcome procrastination?

There are many good sites on the internet that have ideas on this. I’d search for them for a few hours.

Cjdriscoll asks: How do you deal with the pressures of deadlines when writing a book?

Like this.

Andrea asks: What's the best way to answer interview questions?

What?

Miss May asks: I seem to spend a huge amount of time googling incredibly random and inane subjects. I spent all of yesterday researching the history of the leap year. How much time, spent googling a day, do you think is normal?

Six hours.

Khyrinthia asks: What should I do over spring break?

How about THIS?



Anonymous asks: Why do writers portray guys/girls as perfect people?

I think by this you are asking about love interests—that’s what I interpreted “guys/girls” to mean.

And first, I’m not sure that they (we) do. When you write a character, they should really imbue them with some problems and flaws. Not only is that more realistic, but it’s also more interesting to read. “Perfect” characters are really boring.

Love interests are often . . . not perfect, but idealized. There’s a logical reason for this. The love interest is a goal—something the protagonist wants. So that something has to seem like a something worth working for and getting. Think Lord of the Rings. Everyone wants the one true ring, because it’s the one true ring. You can understand why the characters would go through every form of hell for it. You’d be baffled if Frodo went to all that effort for the “kind of okay ring,” or “the one true blender.”

Likewise, the love interest (if the story is about someone trying to get the love interest) has to be somebody worth going through some trouble for. At the very least, you have to understand why the protagonist is even interested. Otherwise, the story seems stupid and pointless. So they have to be WORTH IT. But WORTH IT and perfect are different things. No one’s perfect, yet in romance, everyone becomes WORTH IT. And that’s the trick.

A “perfect” love interest is just ridiculous. Really “perfect” characters who do absolutely everything right become unintentionally funny, because we instinctively know that things don’t work that way. They’re predictable. And, WE LIKE FLAWS. We do. Flaws make people unique, relatable, and challenging. What do you do with a character who just does the right thing, all the time? You never have to WONDER what they’re going to do. There’s no mystery.

ALSO, you have to remember that you’re usually seeing the love interest through the eyes of the protagonist, and the protagonist (being in love) is looking through rose-colored glasses. And a lot of the interest in the story comes from what they go through to achieve their goal.

Think about the romantic characters that work best for you. Are they REALLY perfect? Really? Some of the great romantic characters out there are among the most messed up. Mr. Darcy? He’s got problems. Heathcliff? Don’t even go there. Rhett Butler? He’s a #$%^#head. Othello, Petruchio and Katherine (from Taming of the Shrew), Benedict and Beatrice (from Much Ado About Nothing) . . . all of Shakespeare’s love interests had problems. Big ones. Edward? Is a self-loathing, temperamental, controlling dead guy. Princess Buttercup? Kind of annoying. Want a smattering of TV and film examples? Spike from Buffy. Logan from Veronica Mars, Rick from Casablanca. Han Solo and Princess Leia. Anyone Katherine Hepburn every played.

I could sit here and list people all day . . . but I CAN’T! I have BEDA Buddies to match! But you get the idea, hopefully. The point is . . . we LIKE it when $%$holes find love.

And if the character is too perfect, well, the story’s probably kind of boring.

Anonymous asks: What's better when writing a YA novel? Funny/clever or serious/dramatic?

Those things aren’t mutually exclusive. Think: Paper Towns, The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks, City of Glass (or Bones or Ashes), The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, King Dork, Nevermind the Goldbergs, Ready or Not, Lost It . . . I’m missing about a million. It’s also something I try to do, but whether or not I succeed is up to YOU, dear reader.*

Kayli asks: Weirdest subjected class you ever took?

I had to take Marriage as a major subject in senior year of high school. It was taught by a nun. No one should be subjected to that.

Nuwon Wearspants: How did you decide on where you went to college? How did you afford it?

First of all, Nuwon, I want to compliment you on your pants-free name. I applaud it. No pants, no peace!

You know, I based my college decision pretty heavily on money. I didn’t even apply to many schools because I thought there was just no way I’d be able to afford them. So I restricted my search entirely to schools where I thought I’d have a viable option of getting a purely academic scholarship. Looking back, that was a mistake. What I didn’t know at the time is that many schools have ways of working with you, financially—ways that aren’t always clear in their literature. I know now there were LOADS of places I could have gone. So it certainly doesn’t hurt to APPLY everywhere and see what you can work out.

I paid for college through a combination of money my family had saved up, part time jobs, and academic scholarships (because we couldn’t get any need-based money). When it was time to apply to grad school, I’d figured out that I shouldn’t restrict my search based on perceptions of what I could afford. I decided I was ONLY going to go where I truly wanted to go, and where I truly wanted to go was Columbia. So that’s where I went. I won several scholarships and fellowships, and I worked, and I signed my life away on some mind-crushing loans. But you know? I was happy when I signed those loan papers, because I said to myself, “Now you HAVE to make this work. You’re signing on the dotted line and saying you will never give up.” And that’s how I viewed it. I was going to have to make my writing work.

Yes, I think it’s criminal that in the U.S. this is often what it comes down to. When I was explaining to some of my English friends how much money I regularly shell out on loan repayments and health insurance, they went pale. But since that’s the system we have here, I think you have to go after it with a fighting spirit.

Or, you could just steal the money.

Just remember . . . tomorrow’s post will be a listing of BEDA BUDDIES. If you want one, you have until midnight tonight to register!


* (bats eyelashes)