THE TRUTH ABOUT ALLIGATORS, VAMPIRES, AND TOOTHBRUSHES
I just got back from Disneyworld, my friends.
I was not there to ride on Space Mountain wearing Mickey ears. Oh no. I was there for a very legitimate reason: 13 Little Blue Envelopes is on the Florida Teens Read list, so I was asked to come down to the Florida Association for Media in Education conference.
(It’s called the FAME conference, which meant that the entire time, I was doing this in my head. Fame, the excellent mid-80s television show, was shown on constant repeat when I was in high school. I was absolutely obsessed with it. I wanted out of the gulag and into the High School of Performing Arts so bad, my teeth ached from it. Fame probably played no small part in my eventual going into theater/moving to New York/writing Suite Scarlett, which is about theater in New York and at least one student from that very high school.)
Here is part of an actual conversation I heard between a father and his son on the plane going down. The son was about seven, and was getting very cranky as we were getting off.
DAD: If you don’t be quiet, I’m going to kick Peter Pan when I see him. What do you think would happen then?
KID: He would fly up.
DAD: Then I’d punch him in the face.
Just before you are totally horrified, you should know that the kid laughed THE ENTIRE WAY DOWN THE JETWAY. As did I. The idea of punching Peter Pan is, well, kind of funny.
While I was there, I got to talk to lots of librarians and media specialists, which you know I love, and I went to the Crystal River High School. Many writers, when they show up to speak at places, have fancy slide shows. They are well prepared, with long, pre-written speeches that contain many salient and fascinating points that help the listeners understand literature and the role it plays in their lives.
Because I know this, the first thing I personally like to do when I walk in is LOWER EXPECTATIONS. I use the AV equipment to do exciting shadow puppet theater. I tap microphones against desks and podiums to see what sound they will make. The other day, I claimed to have written Harry Potter, The Da Vinci Code, Oliver Twist, The Secret, and À la recherche du temps perdu, all in the same talk.
Everyone in Florida was extremely tolerant of my rambling. Floridians seem like a happy bunch of people, probably because it’s always sunny and they can go to the Country Bear Jamboree anytime they like. But here’s why I can’t live there: Floridians swim a lot. And they have—and I can barely believe this is possible—given me entirely new reasons to be afraid of the water.
See, when I was a tiny mj, my Aunt Jerri had one of those little print-on-demand, put-a-child’s-name-in-a-book things made for me. My book was about a happy, banjo-playing alligator who crawled out of a creek one day and befriended MAUREEN. Only MAUREEN really understood the alligator, that he was nice and not scary, and she helped him become a major star. We went off to Hollywood in a limo, but occasionally comes back to visit MAUREEN.
Now, this story seemed implausible to me, but there were a few compelling elements. One, it had my name in it. Two, we lived on a creek. (Granted, there are no alligators in creeks in Pennsylvania, but I wasn’t exactly a zoologist when I was four.) Three, I was aware that my memory about my previous three years was shaky at best. I was constantly going around my house, looking for stuff from “when I was a baby.” I was obsessed with my own short history. It was possible that I had befriended a banjo-playing alligator and had just forgotten about it.
So, even though I was doubtful, I did hold out a certain amount of hope that it was all true. I think I even asked my parents about it. And somewhere in my head, tiny mj still wonders if her alligator friend is coming back in his limo.
This is why alligators don’t scare me. Well, until this week. I didn’t realize just how alligatory Florida is. That you can have alligators in the body of water out back, or IN YOUR YARD. Or that alligators sometimes eat waterskiers.
I don’t blame the alligators, personally. I don’t blame any animal for doing what it does. If you show up in an alligator’s pond, making all kinds of noise when he’s trying to take a nap, and you show up on two tiny sticks . . . well, of course he’s going to think that someone has brought him hors d’oeuvres. Alligators, banjo playing or otherwise, are okay by me. I just won’t go splashing in their homes. I will stay in the swimming pool, where I can plan for the zombie invasion in peace.
Obviously, I have to give you an update on the High School Musical toothbrush situation.
First of all, I did not make a video of my High School Musical toothbrush. There is a reason for this—you can only hear the music in your head! It’s really quiet! And not automatic! It took me ten minutes to figure this last one out. I kept hitting the button, and I would hear this quiet, quiet noise, but the bristles wouldn’t move. I finally stuck it in my mouth, and THEN I could hear the music. Can you believe that?
High School Musical is no Fame, I’ll tell you that much.
But there are questions to get to! I am keeping up with this ASK MJ month thing that I spontaneously declared the other day. First question!
I miss the use of pictures from old black-and-white movies in your posts. Can you start up using them again?
Why, yes I can.
Hello.
SUSPICIONS AND CONSPIRACIES
I was playing softball, you see, when I slid into a base and jammed my foot back. It was quite painful and unpleasant to say the least, and when I went to the hospital I was informed that I had a fractured bone-thing in my foot. So they slapped on a cast, told me not to step on it for 2 - 3 weeks and sent me home. Now, obviously, I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I can't play softball (right when we made play-offs), and I get exactly walk around and go shopping on this glorious long weekend. (It's Thanksgiving in Canada). So as someone whom, I'm guessing, spends a lot of time at her desk (no offence), I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to amuse myself? :(
This is terrible news! But, of course, I have suggestions. I think this is an excellent opportunity for you to start spying on your neighbors.
Neighbors, as we all know, are crazy and up to no good. They should be suspected and watched. The police don’t have time to monitor them all, because NEIGHBORS ARE ALL AROUND US. We, the good people, are vastly outnumbered. When the zombies come, our neighbors will march away willingly, heads forward, offering their brains.
Even now, your neighbors are plotting against us. What is that van doing in their driveway? What is that mysterious smoke coming from their “grill”? Why are the blinds in that one room ALWAYS CLOSED?
I suggest you pick one neighbor and study them relentlessly. Make notes of their comings and goings. Pay special attention to any flicky-curtain activity--that's often the sign of the “room of evil,” where they keep the gimp/wolverine/three-headed man-baby.
Some neighbors have no connection to the supernatural. These neighbors are almost always serial killers. Watch out for any “lawn improvements” (sudden interest in cement patios covering large parts of grass, new flowerbeds, extended driveways, gazebos). Make careful note that all people who go into the house actually come out again. If you see any tubs of industrial chemicals, plastic sheeting, abundances of shovels, or excessive use of large coolers in cold weather, immediately climb into your safety chamber under your bed (you have one of these, right?).
_01.jpg)
It is only by suspecting everyone that we can win.
Hi Maureen, I just finished 13 Little Blue Envelopes and it was amazing! However, the copy I got from my school library was damaged, and so I will never know what happened on pages 63 and 64. Is there any chance you can tell me what I missed?
I can see the work of a zombie from 500 yards. A zombie will always gravitate toward pages 63 and 64, though it won’t know why. I do, though.
Though pages 63 and 64 of 13 Little Blue Envelopes appear to be an innocent scene of Ginny talking to a ticket booth attendant and buying up tickets to Keith’s show, they are really CODED INSTRUCTIONS on what to do at the time of the invasion. I cannot put them here, because that will only let them know what we are planning.
What is your stance on vampires?
Buffy was my first insight into the vampire world. Spike, everyone’s favorite vampire (it was never Angel, let’s just admit it), played poker for kittens and had an affection for blooming onions. In Scott Westerfeld’s The Last Days, it turns out that some of the vampires are really good musicians. Many books, such as Cassie Clare’s City of Bones, show us a world of well-dressed vampires with good dancing skills. Then along came Twilight, and I saw that vampires really just want to date us and play baseball. If you’ve gotten as far as New Moon, you see Edward angsting over decorative papers and fonts and making mix tapes.
I don’t know why vampires have been trying to convince us they are scary. I mean, yes, they can kill us. But they seem to only want to do that so that they can hang out with us for the rest of time . . . and that’s just not as bad as many of the real, pressing threats out there. (See everything above about alligators, zombies, neighbors.)
Let’s say you have two suitors, a zombie and a vampire. Let’s look at some potential dates. Say you’re hungry and you ask each of them what they want to do about it.
VAMPIRE: I would take you to Outback Steakhouse. I have a selection of songs I’ve put together for us to listen to on the way over, some of my own composition. Just let me go home and put on some nicer clothes so that I am worthy of your company. I just have to wait until the sun goes down. I hope that does not interfere with your digestion.
ZOMBIE: i eat ur brane (*rips off your head*)
Okay. Let’s say that you are having a bad day and really need to talk about it. What then?
VAMPIRE: Listen, you can come to me with any of your problems. I’ve been around for hundreds of years, and I’ve seen it all. Though I may seem shallow—I’m so good-looking, after all—I actually care about you. My heart doesn’t beat, but it can feel. Let’s sit for a while and listen to some sensitive music and talk, and then maybe later we’ll go out and do something to get your mind off things. I like sports. I’m an exceptional dancer, too. Come on. Let’s go have some fun before the sun comes up!
ZOMBIE: problemz in brane. i fix. (*rips off your head*)
I know who I’m asking to the prom.
A typical date with a vampire.
CHARACTER AND BOOK QUESTIONS
A big huge asteroid that will destroy all life is coming towards Earth. Oh noez! Now, a wizard has brought all your book characters to life, and NASA says that because you are so awesome, they will build a home on the moon for you and four of your characters (the rest will live, but the ones you choose you get to live with). You get to choose two female and two male characters. Which ones do you choose? (Also, as a perk, your home on the moon is free from moon zombies.)
Okay . . . let’s see. Girls first. Clio Ford from Girl at Sea would be my first draft. Clio can handle pretty much anything you throw at her . . . and she is HARD TO KILL. That’s going to be important on the moon, because though there may be no zombies, there will undoubtedly be moonmonsters. I would also take May Gold from The Key to the Golden Firebird, because May is the most sensible character of them all. May could actually get things up and running. I mean, it will be no good if we get up there and we all forget to bring food or toothbrushes. May will bring civilization to our new colony.
Guy-wise, I’m going to go with Aidan, also from Girl At Sea, because he knows SCIENCE. That’s got to be useful on the moon. In a twist, I think my other choice would be Richard from 13 Little Blue Envelopes, because if Richard can find his way around Harrods, he can do anything.
So you're really mad at one of your characters. Let's fly into the world where they do exist. You were given the option to "punish them." How would you do so? Jars of mayonaisse, brushing repeatedly with magical musical toothbrushes, more mayo, rabies?
Punishing the characters is a large part of my job. Being an author means, almost by definition, that you make up characters and then complicate their lives. That’s it, really. You make up characters and give them problem after problem after problem. It’s as Shakespeare said in King Lear, “As flies to wanton boys we are to the gods; they kill us for their sport.” Writers are the “gods” in this, and it’s always open season on characters. In fact, I spend so much gleeful time messing up my character’s lives that it’s pretty much impossible for me to be mad at them.
(You really don't like mayo, do you?)
How long did it take you to finish each of your books?
Each one took nine months to a year, start to finish. I don’t work on them all the time, though. That includes when they’re off with editors, being editorialated.
I do not have slide shows for my presentations, largely because I have been sitting at home, torturing characters for extended periods of time.
It’s back to torturing Scarlett and Spencer for me. Keep the questions rolling in. ASK MJ month ain’t half over!
I was not there to ride on Space Mountain wearing Mickey ears. Oh no. I was there for a very legitimate reason: 13 Little Blue Envelopes is on the Florida Teens Read list, so I was asked to come down to the Florida Association for Media in Education conference.
(It’s called the FAME conference, which meant that the entire time, I was doing this in my head. Fame, the excellent mid-80s television show, was shown on constant repeat when I was in high school. I was absolutely obsessed with it. I wanted out of the gulag and into the High School of Performing Arts so bad, my teeth ached from it. Fame probably played no small part in my eventual going into theater/moving to New York/writing Suite Scarlett, which is about theater in New York and at least one student from that very high school.)
Here is part of an actual conversation I heard between a father and his son on the plane going down. The son was about seven, and was getting very cranky as we were getting off.
DAD: If you don’t be quiet, I’m going to kick Peter Pan when I see him. What do you think would happen then?
KID: He would fly up.
DAD: Then I’d punch him in the face.
Just before you are totally horrified, you should know that the kid laughed THE ENTIRE WAY DOWN THE JETWAY. As did I. The idea of punching Peter Pan is, well, kind of funny.
While I was there, I got to talk to lots of librarians and media specialists, which you know I love, and I went to the Crystal River High School. Many writers, when they show up to speak at places, have fancy slide shows. They are well prepared, with long, pre-written speeches that contain many salient and fascinating points that help the listeners understand literature and the role it plays in their lives.
Because I know this, the first thing I personally like to do when I walk in is LOWER EXPECTATIONS. I use the AV equipment to do exciting shadow puppet theater. I tap microphones against desks and podiums to see what sound they will make. The other day, I claimed to have written Harry Potter, The Da Vinci Code, Oliver Twist, The Secret, and À la recherche du temps perdu, all in the same talk.
Everyone in Florida was extremely tolerant of my rambling. Floridians seem like a happy bunch of people, probably because it’s always sunny and they can go to the Country Bear Jamboree anytime they like. But here’s why I can’t live there: Floridians swim a lot. And they have—and I can barely believe this is possible—given me entirely new reasons to be afraid of the water.
See, when I was a tiny mj, my Aunt Jerri had one of those little print-on-demand, put-a-child’s-name-in-a-book things made for me. My book was about a happy, banjo-playing alligator who crawled out of a creek one day and befriended MAUREEN. Only MAUREEN really understood the alligator, that he was nice and not scary, and she helped him become a major star. We went off to Hollywood in a limo, but occasionally comes back to visit MAUREEN.
Now, this story seemed implausible to me, but there were a few compelling elements. One, it had my name in it. Two, we lived on a creek. (Granted, there are no alligators in creeks in Pennsylvania, but I wasn’t exactly a zoologist when I was four.) Three, I was aware that my memory about my previous three years was shaky at best. I was constantly going around my house, looking for stuff from “when I was a baby.” I was obsessed with my own short history. It was possible that I had befriended a banjo-playing alligator and had just forgotten about it.
So, even though I was doubtful, I did hold out a certain amount of hope that it was all true. I think I even asked my parents about it. And somewhere in my head, tiny mj still wonders if her alligator friend is coming back in his limo.
This is why alligators don’t scare me. Well, until this week. I didn’t realize just how alligatory Florida is. That you can have alligators in the body of water out back, or IN YOUR YARD. Or that alligators sometimes eat waterskiers.
I don’t blame the alligators, personally. I don’t blame any animal for doing what it does. If you show up in an alligator’s pond, making all kinds of noise when he’s trying to take a nap, and you show up on two tiny sticks . . . well, of course he’s going to think that someone has brought him hors d’oeuvres. Alligators, banjo playing or otherwise, are okay by me. I just won’t go splashing in their homes. I will stay in the swimming pool, where I can plan for the zombie invasion in peace.
Obviously, I have to give you an update on the High School Musical toothbrush situation.
First of all, I did not make a video of my High School Musical toothbrush. There is a reason for this—you can only hear the music in your head! It’s really quiet! And not automatic! It took me ten minutes to figure this last one out. I kept hitting the button, and I would hear this quiet, quiet noise, but the bristles wouldn’t move. I finally stuck it in my mouth, and THEN I could hear the music. Can you believe that?
High School Musical is no Fame, I’ll tell you that much.
But there are questions to get to! I am keeping up with this ASK MJ month thing that I spontaneously declared the other day. First question!
I miss the use of pictures from old black-and-white movies in your posts. Can you start up using them again?
Why, yes I can.
SUSPICIONS AND CONSPIRACIES
I was playing softball, you see, when I slid into a base and jammed my foot back. It was quite painful and unpleasant to say the least, and when I went to the hospital I was informed that I had a fractured bone-thing in my foot. So they slapped on a cast, told me not to step on it for 2 - 3 weeks and sent me home. Now, obviously, I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND. I can't play softball (right when we made play-offs), and I get exactly walk around and go shopping on this glorious long weekend. (It's Thanksgiving in Canada). So as someone whom, I'm guessing, spends a lot of time at her desk (no offence), I was wondering if you had any ideas about how to amuse myself? :(
This is terrible news! But, of course, I have suggestions. I think this is an excellent opportunity for you to start spying on your neighbors.
Neighbors, as we all know, are crazy and up to no good. They should be suspected and watched. The police don’t have time to monitor them all, because NEIGHBORS ARE ALL AROUND US. We, the good people, are vastly outnumbered. When the zombies come, our neighbors will march away willingly, heads forward, offering their brains.
Even now, your neighbors are plotting against us. What is that van doing in their driveway? What is that mysterious smoke coming from their “grill”? Why are the blinds in that one room ALWAYS CLOSED?
I suggest you pick one neighbor and study them relentlessly. Make notes of their comings and goings. Pay special attention to any flicky-curtain activity--that's often the sign of the “room of evil,” where they keep the gimp/wolverine/three-headed man-baby.
Some neighbors have no connection to the supernatural. These neighbors are almost always serial killers. Watch out for any “lawn improvements” (sudden interest in cement patios covering large parts of grass, new flowerbeds, extended driveways, gazebos). Make careful note that all people who go into the house actually come out again. If you see any tubs of industrial chemicals, plastic sheeting, abundances of shovels, or excessive use of large coolers in cold weather, immediately climb into your safety chamber under your bed (you have one of these, right?).
_01.jpg)
Hi Maureen, I just finished 13 Little Blue Envelopes and it was amazing! However, the copy I got from my school library was damaged, and so I will never know what happened on pages 63 and 64. Is there any chance you can tell me what I missed?
I can see the work of a zombie from 500 yards. A zombie will always gravitate toward pages 63 and 64, though it won’t know why. I do, though.
Though pages 63 and 64 of 13 Little Blue Envelopes appear to be an innocent scene of Ginny talking to a ticket booth attendant and buying up tickets to Keith’s show, they are really CODED INSTRUCTIONS on what to do at the time of the invasion. I cannot put them here, because that will only let them know what we are planning.
What is your stance on vampires?
Buffy was my first insight into the vampire world. Spike, everyone’s favorite vampire (it was never Angel, let’s just admit it), played poker for kittens and had an affection for blooming onions. In Scott Westerfeld’s The Last Days, it turns out that some of the vampires are really good musicians. Many books, such as Cassie Clare’s City of Bones, show us a world of well-dressed vampires with good dancing skills. Then along came Twilight, and I saw that vampires really just want to date us and play baseball. If you’ve gotten as far as New Moon, you see Edward angsting over decorative papers and fonts and making mix tapes.
I don’t know why vampires have been trying to convince us they are scary. I mean, yes, they can kill us. But they seem to only want to do that so that they can hang out with us for the rest of time . . . and that’s just not as bad as many of the real, pressing threats out there. (See everything above about alligators, zombies, neighbors.)
Let’s say you have two suitors, a zombie and a vampire. Let’s look at some potential dates. Say you’re hungry and you ask each of them what they want to do about it.
VAMPIRE: I would take you to Outback Steakhouse. I have a selection of songs I’ve put together for us to listen to on the way over, some of my own composition. Just let me go home and put on some nicer clothes so that I am worthy of your company. I just have to wait until the sun goes down. I hope that does not interfere with your digestion.
ZOMBIE: i eat ur brane (*rips off your head*)
Okay. Let’s say that you are having a bad day and really need to talk about it. What then?
VAMPIRE: Listen, you can come to me with any of your problems. I’ve been around for hundreds of years, and I’ve seen it all. Though I may seem shallow—I’m so good-looking, after all—I actually care about you. My heart doesn’t beat, but it can feel. Let’s sit for a while and listen to some sensitive music and talk, and then maybe later we’ll go out and do something to get your mind off things. I like sports. I’m an exceptional dancer, too. Come on. Let’s go have some fun before the sun comes up!
ZOMBIE: problemz in brane. i fix. (*rips off your head*)
I know who I’m asking to the prom.
CHARACTER AND BOOK QUESTIONS
A big huge asteroid that will destroy all life is coming towards Earth. Oh noez! Now, a wizard has brought all your book characters to life, and NASA says that because you are so awesome, they will build a home on the moon for you and four of your characters (the rest will live, but the ones you choose you get to live with). You get to choose two female and two male characters. Which ones do you choose? (Also, as a perk, your home on the moon is free from moon zombies.)
Okay . . . let’s see. Girls first. Clio Ford from Girl at Sea would be my first draft. Clio can handle pretty much anything you throw at her . . . and she is HARD TO KILL. That’s going to be important on the moon, because though there may be no zombies, there will undoubtedly be moonmonsters. I would also take May Gold from The Key to the Golden Firebird, because May is the most sensible character of them all. May could actually get things up and running. I mean, it will be no good if we get up there and we all forget to bring food or toothbrushes. May will bring civilization to our new colony.
Guy-wise, I’m going to go with Aidan, also from Girl At Sea, because he knows SCIENCE. That’s got to be useful on the moon. In a twist, I think my other choice would be Richard from 13 Little Blue Envelopes, because if Richard can find his way around Harrods, he can do anything.
So you're really mad at one of your characters. Let's fly into the world where they do exist. You were given the option to "punish them." How would you do so? Jars of mayonaisse, brushing repeatedly with magical musical toothbrushes, more mayo, rabies?
Punishing the characters is a large part of my job. Being an author means, almost by definition, that you make up characters and then complicate their lives. That’s it, really. You make up characters and give them problem after problem after problem. It’s as Shakespeare said in King Lear, “As flies to wanton boys we are to the gods; they kill us for their sport.” Writers are the “gods” in this, and it’s always open season on characters. In fact, I spend so much gleeful time messing up my character’s lives that it’s pretty much impossible for me to be mad at them.
(You really don't like mayo, do you?)
How long did it take you to finish each of your books?
Each one took nine months to a year, start to finish. I don’t work on them all the time, though. That includes when they’re off with editors, being editorialated.
It’s back to torturing Scarlett and Spencer for me. Keep the questions rolling in. ASK MJ month ain’t half over!
Labels: advice, Suite Scarlett, vampires, zombies
posted by Maureen at
11:54 PM
46 Comments:
Did you write a lot as a teen? And what type of stuff did you read?
Also - I read The Bermudez Triangle and I thought it was so DANG amazing and wonderful. It is officially one of my favorite books.
Also - what's your favorite color, and band?
Rear window! I love that movie! We actually just bought the dvd of it a couple days ago :)
Two questions:
Why do you seem to spend so much time in London? Do you live there as well? Or is it just the occasional visit to the other side of the pond?
Where do you get all the awesome black and white pictures? Are they from a CD or is it a website?
I used to have one of those INSERT NAME HERE books. Unfourtunatly, my name is Kiersten which must not be a real name because it is never on personalized things. (they had rikku and ezra but no kiersten?!? whats up with them?) Mine just said YOU. So YOU went out one day and met a mermaid. YOU and the mermaid played together with the fish. YOU befriended the fish. YOU had so much fun that the mermaid turned YOU into a mermaid so they could play together forever. Your whole watch your neighbors for suspicious activity reminded me of Disterbia. Have you ever seen that movie? I love it. Unfourtunatly, I don't have a safety chmber under my bed. I have a portal to another dimension instead. It takes up to much room to fit a saftey chamber as well. Although I could probably hide out in the other dimension. Vampires beat all. Hands down, no contest.
What exactly is your background in theater (which you have so mysteriously alluded to in this post)? And what are your favorite shows, musical or straight?
..I really want to know the answer to the second question. PLEASE TELL ME!!
What the--Angel is hotter than Spike. I mean, Spike did go to all that trouble to get his soul back, and I agree about the blooming onion. But Angel is hotter. ADMIT IT.
This is what the zombies really want to do.
[URL="http://www.explosm.net/comics/1050/"]
[IMG]http://www.flashasylum.com/db/files/Comics/Dave/comicmusical.png[/IMG][/URL]
Cyanide & Happiness @ [URL="http://www.explosm.net/"]Explosm.net[/URL]
have you seen disturbia??? omg!! after i saw that movie i went out and bought binoculers and i am totally spying on my new neighbors!! after the old ones moved, they built this huge garage thing right next to their house, actually it was BIGGER than their house, and i only see them go in there at night!! scary huh? i wonder what's in there...
what is your least favorite book EVER? like, is there a book that makes you want to cry you hate it so much?? and then--what is your favorite book EVER?? is there a book that makes you want to cry because you LOVE it so much??
oh, i'm catherine by the way. in case you cared or anything.
i meant i'm catherine who just wrote those last two comments. not catherine like 'o hey this is random but my name is catherine!' yeah. i'm done now.
oh yes, of course i have a secret safety chamber under my bed. i mean, who doesn't?? (and if you don't, i highly recommend that you do, cuz i mean, why not??) mine also came equipped with a pink gun. i was surprised that you would have chosen Richard...i guess its true though, about him knowing his way around harrods. it does seem like a rather large store.
here's my question(s): is Harrods an actual place in London, or did you make it up? or is it based on something, but you change the name? In all of your books, are the different places based on real places, or totally made up from the mind of author Maureen Johnson??
hehe, banjo playing alligators.
*Emilee
If you could choose any question to answer, what would you choose? Then answer it, please. =)
I'm glad you didn't write The Da Vinci Code. I hated that book (not because I'm religious, though; I just think Dan Brown can't write).
I'm also glad you didn't come to South Florida. Well, actually, I'm upset because I didn't get to see you, but I'm glad because you didn't encounter the madness that lives down here.
1. We're far closer to the Everglades than Orlando is, which means that not only do the alligators enjoy crawling into our pools, they like to munch on our pets regularly as well.
2. All that sun REALLY DRIVES YOU MAD! I'm serious--no one here can drive. At all. And most have forgotten about that nifty little invention we call the turn signal. I shudder to think what they would be like in snow and/or on hills.
3. Everyone's angry. For some reason, a lot of people thought it would be a good idea to move down here, and now they're really pissed about it. I've been yelled at in over twenty different accents, and I'm the good kid in my family. And now I don't want to move too New York because half of those accents had passed through the Bronx at some point.
4. We're too far from Orlando to go up there regularly.
5. And it never snows.
Well, I think that's enough ranting for one night. I really loved this post, though. I started laughing when the guy said he'd kick Peter Pan, too!
And yes, Joss Whedon is awesome! Spike was always cooler than Angel. By a longshot--Angel didn't even sound vaguely British.
However, if I could choose, I probably wouldn't date vampire or a zombie (I tend to prefer zombie movies--I just watched 28 Weeks Later, and it was brilliant!). I'd date a werewolf. There's something about vampires being hundreds of years older than me that kinda creeps me out. I mean, if he'd only been turned forty years earlier, I'd be dating a sixty-year-old (or thereabouts).
So, what sort of supernatural creature (c'mon MJ, run the gamut) would you date? Excluding vampires, as you seem to have a predisosition for them.
Right. I think I'm done for now.
Toodles!
I had the exact same personalized book! I'm starting to think that maybe the publisher sent door-to-door salesmen all up and down the mid-atlantic region. I thought that book was the coolest thing until I saw the one my cousin had (which was the same as mine, but had HIS name in it) and realized that there were impostor books out there that had the wrong name printed in them.
So, a question. Have you ever heard the fantastic Johnathan Coulton song "Ikea"?
Rear Window is amazing! Definitely one of my favorite films.
I read all of Devilish on Friday and finished it at 7 a.m. on Saturday. Someone knocked on my door and asked me not to laugh so loud. It was amazing.
Question:
Do you know the names of your characters right away, or do they change as the story shapes?
My mom went to Performing Arts.
Hi Maureen.
Something I wonder about - why do we never hear about your husband? Is he a gimp/wolverine/three-headed man-baby?
Are you possibly going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year?
Two questions that really don't have to do with anything, I'm just curious.
1. Have you heard of/seen the movie "Across the Universe"? Because it's my favorite movie and in some parts I belive it would be up your alley (PLUS it's musical!)If you've seen it, what do u think? and if you haven't look it up! Hehe
2. Do you like the group The Cranberries? they're not together anymore, but i LOOOVE their songs even though some of my friends make fun of me for it (just cuz of the name -psh).
And, last was there any really weird job you ever thought of having when you were little (or older?)?
Thanks & I'm loving this ask MJ month!
OK so last week Meg Cabot said in her blog that you had lucnh with her and E. Lockhart. Three of the best in one room, wicked!! Can you tell us about what she was really like and her veiws on zombies. Anyone who reads her blog knows how she feels about vamps.
oh, as anonymous said earlier do you even have a husbad, if so whta if his name and does he mind you spending so much time in London or does he come with you?
Love you Your amazing.
LYL, Bee
PS, I have to get a safty chamber. with a cool password thing like the chamber os secrets that only i can say. only not snakes they scare me. i swear they are in cohouts with zombies to get me.
any way, later!!!
so...my school went through this ginourmous scandal this summer and since you always have those amusing rants about Catholic schools (which I email to my friends btw). Have you ever had to live through a paticularly delicious, gossip-worthy, or plain stupid scandal?
Ok, two random questions:
1) If you were a traveling salesperson and could sell anything in the universe what would it be and why? (note: you would make money off of anything you sell, so that can't be a deciding factor.
2) If you could choose how you would die would you burn to death, freeze to death, or be pickled to death?
I also wonder about the mysterious statement on the back of The Key to the Golden Firebird: "She lives with her husband in New York City." I've been wondering since I read Key.
(btw--Key has one of the best detications EVER. Absolutely hilarious and useful!)
I would like to resubmit this extremely important and timely question: Would you rather be an elbow or a knee?
I spy a Rear Window screencap!
My question for you: Where do you get these pictures? Are you a secret fan of old films? Where can I find these enormous stashes of old pictures that magically fit any situation you need them for?
Wow, that was three questions. Whatever, I'm sure you can do it!
i know you have a love of all things Xanadu and i came across this picture of awesomeness and potential best friend for FreeMonkey and had to pass it along.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kezzaroo/1380007487/
"Complete with floaty split dress, disco hair and mighty rollerboots."
I think she sells them on etsy. just wanted to share the goodness.
heyy emjayy.. just a quick question::
so at night, I'm laying in bed, right? And I'm trying to fall asleep. So, then I hear this noise. It's just like this random scratching on my wall. But, theres not like a room next to it or anything for anything to be scratching it. not that anything would Want to scratch it..anyway. I just know it's the zombies MJ. I just know. I can tell these sorts of things. So, I've been laying in bed at night, dreaming up these absolutley amazing plans for the zombie apocalypse, but unfortunately, most of them include a bright red lipstick laser, which i don't happen to have with me at the moment. So I have a problem. And so, MJ, I have decided to come to you. An Expert on the Zombie Appocalypse. And now, i am asking for advise on how to save myself from these zombies planning on taking over the world and..ermm..ripping people's heads off to eat brains. Though, of course, i do understand if you cannot answer this plead for help here, as the zombies all know you are THE zombie expert and check your website regularly for any hints on your plans.
oh yes. and i love your books.
--shausto-la
what is your favorite movie? least favorite? what movie do you most look forward to seeing?
I am curious about this theatre career of yours. Care to explain.
In the same vein (Assuming you weren't LYING, which would be BAD) what's probably the most annoying thing that's ever happened to you during a show. (Mine was when the heel of my 3" character tap shoe decided to break after the opening number of anything goes. I hobbled through the rest of the night with the heel being held together by double stick tape and krazy glue)
~Chelsea
'problemz in brane. i fix.'
Wahahah!
I go to a performing arts high school. 'Tis fun. I'm there for acting, which is great, although I want to be a writer when I grow up. I'm just like you, Maureen!!!
My questions for you are...
Pirates or ninjas?
Unicorns or zombies? (I think I know the answer to this one..)
What is your favorite animal?
How many times do you brush your teeth every day?
Aaand
When are you going to come visit Minnesota? -puppy eyes-
Love you and your books. :) ~Karen
Oh my goodness. Did you know that you have become a terrible, terrible influence on teenage boys?
You must read this: http://mistful.livejournal.com/105359.html
Congratulations!
Hey Maureen, I'm a long time blog reader, first time commenter here. I got referred to your blog a while back by an equally impressive YA author-blogger.
My question is, why are your books so hard to find?
This might have to do with the fact that i live in the magical land of Kangaroo's and Koala's. Which I usually only see lying down on the side of the roads on certain highways- the kangaroo's mainly.
So anyway, are your books published in Australia? I am constantly checking my local bookstores, but it just might be me, or my area. Because I am yet to find one.
Because if you write super cool blogs like you always do, i can only imagine what a whole book would be like.
Hmmm...
What are your thoughts on D*sney princesses?
I have some pretty crazy dreams at times (like action-packed zombie fighting on top of ancient ruins on top of a really big mountain complete with spanning views and special effects) and I was wondering if you remember your dreams and if any of them were just a little bit... out there?
wow maureen, thanks for the heads up. my neighbours are pretending to build a GARAGE - of all things - in their back yard. WELL. i know better now! i always knew they were crazy...
Do you miss Pluto?
or possibly
Do you think healthy lips should never go naked?
Ooh, totally <3'ed 13 Little Blue Envelopes! Congrats on the Florida Teens Read List!
The punching Peter Pan thing is pretty funny. :)
I had one of those personalized books as a kid....mine...strangely enough was about jam...*say what!* I know! I loved the book though because my name was in bold over and over!
Spike, everyone’s favorite vampire (it was never Angel, let’s just admit it)
Pfft. Spike went a little downhill in the later seasons. Not to mention the whole attempted rape. But then again, he was sarcastic and he did have better taste in music than Angel, so it's a tricky one.
I've recently been reading about the Bermudez Triangle banning (from the Livejournal link given above. I hope you've read it - it describes how you're corrupting poor, innocent teenage boys. FOR SHAME), and I think it's insane. Were all of the people on this committee dropped on their heads as babies? Unfortunately for them, it has only made me more determined to read the book (my school library has a copy, yay). So far, I really love it - thank you.
If you starred in a television show aimed at children under the age of five, which one would it be?
I really like your stance on vampires. It's most definitely top notch. It's true, it was always Spike. Oh, and Edward is the greatest, despite his issues with angst.
Anyway, I'm starting to fill out college applications and as part of my research I'm finding out where all my favorite authors, public figures, etc. went to college. So my question is, where did you go to college?
I'm a huge fan of all of your books. They're really great. I definitely have a huge crush on Keith from 13 Little Blue Envelopes. And your blog is absolutely hilarious.
Thanks,
Elise
Say you wake up one morning and the entire world is frozen in time except for you. All of the other people you see are frozen in place, all of the clocks are stopped, etc. You have one day to do whatever you please without wasting a day of your life, and without anyone stopping you. What do you do? Where do you go?
I absolutely adore your blog - it honestly makes my day whenever I see a new one up! Just wanted to let you know!
'ello, emmjayy,
so ya know how JK Rowling was like "Oh, i married Harry Potter and dated Ron Weasley..and dont fancy Draco Malfoy."? So, I am asking you, Maureen, Which character did you marry? Which character did you date a lot? and Which character should we not..fancy??
oh and sorry for the above post, for those who aren't really harry potter adicts, JK Rowling said that during her recent book signings that she apperantly "married harry potter," she "dated ron a few times" and told girls "don't fancy draco".
you can go here to see what her direct quotes were. http://quote.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601088&sid=aM7.gGQAM7Bw
just a little background info..cus i just read over that last one and it made nooo sense if you dont like jo.
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