I NEVER LIE

Okay, guys. Seriously. You’d think that when J.K. Rowling was following me around a few weeks ago, eating my snacks . . . in all that time, why couldn’t she have told me something useful and interesting?

Like that Dumbledore is gay, for instance?

There’s something good and positive, something . . . oh, what’s the word I am looking for here? Oh, right. Something TRUE. But oh no. She had to tell me that book seven was a musical, that Ginny is a robot, and that Ron is imaginary. She was keeping this tidbit to herself so she could show off at Carnegie Hall.

I promise you guys, if she shows up at the kitchen window when I’m at the UK office in a few weeks time, clawing her way toward my cereal, I am going to throw the neighbor’s cat at her. Magic your way out of that one, J.K.

She delivered this news last night to a large audience of happy people, many of whom are from Scholastic—her US publisher and my new home. Luckily for me, I got to meet some of those people the day before. They had a lovely lunch for Scarlett and I. I was given a microphone and allowed, yet again, to ramble. Hopefully, they got the idea that I am a truth-teller, and I was only telling the world what J.K. told me. It’s not like I lie.

At the end of the lunch, they gave me a huge blow up of Scarlett’s cover to take home. A huge blow up of your book cover is not the best thing to walk down the street with if you are trying to be inconspicuous, but it looks GREAT in my apartment. Now Scarlett can stare at me from the other room, her eyes constantly telling me to GET BACK TO WORK and ANSWER TODAY’S QUESTIONS because it is still Ask MJ month.

I am on it.

MEG CABOT QUESTIONS

meg cabot said...
What the--Angel is hotter than Spike. I mean, Spike did go to all that trouble to get his soul back, and I agree about the blooming onion. But Angel is hotter. ADMIT IT.

I had no idea when I said this that I would be starting a feud with the creator of my idol, Mia Thermopolis. But I can’t back down on this one. I’m throwing down!

OK so last week Meg Cabot said in her blog that you had lucnh with her and E. Lockhart. Three of the best in one room, wicked!! Can you tell us about what she was really like and her views on zombies. Anyone who reads her blog knows how she feels about vamps.

See, this makes it even more awkward. I know Meg. I don’t want to get all up in her grill about this, because I promise you, she can take me. It will not end well for me, even if she is wrong. (About this one point. Meg is generally right about most things. When she puts advice on her blog, I take it. So should you.)

Meg did not specifically say what her view on zombies was. This is wise. She must know that they could be anywhere, listening. E. Lockhart, of course, is a public enemy of zombies. When the Great Zombie War is upon us, she will be on the front lines.

CREEPING EVIL

faith said...
Oh my goodness. Did you know that you have become a terrible, terrible influence on teenage boys? 

You must read this. 

Congratulations!

I am pleased to be of service! What’s extra refreshing is that I know Guildford quite well. That is where the UK office is located, and where J.K. follows me around.

I would have been happy to go to the library and read the book aloud. Perhaps I should even offer this service to my handful of UK readers, as I only have one book out there. (Oscar has them all, but they are in his house, which is not a lending library.) UK friends, if you are out there, please write in and make yourselves known! Tell me what I can do for YOU.

have you seen disturbia??? omg!! after i saw that movie i went out and bought binoculers and i am totally spying on my new neighbors!! after the old ones moved, they built this huge garage thing right next to their house, actually it was BIGGER than their house, and i only see them go in there at night!! scary huh? i wonder what's in there...

I have seen Disturbia. I have been a fan and supporter of Shia LaBeouf for several years. Ask Daphne, she’ll tell you. I said, “That Shia guy is the real deal” all the way back when Holes came out. I even sat through The Battle of Shaker Heights for him.

“A star!” I went on. “He’s going to be a huge star! That kid is FUNNY. He has depth!"

Daphne just kept typing with one hand and dialing the phone with another and said “uh huh sure yeah whatever you say.” And then she added, “Isn’t he, like, twelve?”

Then he DID become a huge star, and now Daphne thinks I am a savant of stardomeness.

Also, Daphne is with me on the Spike thing. She may not have vision when it comes to stars in the making, but she knows her vampire hotness.

As for your neighbors . . . that large garage is actually a refrigerated unit to store body parts. They will claim it is for deer meat or bulk packs of hot dogs, but it is for human nuggets. MARK MY WORDS.

catherine said...
oh, i'm catherine by the way. in case you cared or anything.

I always care. You guys are the reason I come here.

A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME

here's my question(s): is Harrods an actual place in London, or did you make it up? or is it based on something, but you change the name? In all of your books, are the different places based on real places, or totally made up from the mind of author Maureen Johnson??

Like I said before . . . I never lie.

Harrods is incredibly real. It calls itself the biggest department store in the world, but I think that is false. It is the most confusing though, hands down. As proof of its real-ness, I offer this video of me inside of it with my agent, Daphne Unfeasible.

becky said...
If you could choose any question to answer, what would you choose? Then answer it, please. =)

QUESTION: Dear mj, We, the makers of Vespas and Tazers, have gotten together with a few crazy scientists to make the Tezpa 3000, a combination Vespa-Tazer. Unlike a normal Vespa, this one does not sound like a hair drier when it runs—it GROWLS LIKE A LION. Also, it has invisible defensive shields to keep you from being killed by cabs if you are riding it down a New York Street. The handlebars are, of course, detachable pink tazers . . . but not that kind you can accidentally taze yourself with. They know you, and will immediately shut off when you are the target. In fact, they will only work on evil beings.

The Tezpa 3000 is designed to be completely fuel efficient. It is, in fact, the greenest mode of transport in the world, running on sunshine and unicorn hair and it emitting only good vibrations into the atmosphere. Worldwide use of the Tezpa could actually reverse global warming. The Tezpa comes in yellow, ice blue, pink, and mint green, and has a banana seat, a basket, and a bell. Would you like us to send you one in each color?

MJ’S ANSWER: YES

icanhaswurdz? said...
Are you possibly going to participate in NaNoWriMo this year?

NaNoWriMo is kind of my life. My version is called MjNoWriAllTheTime. Not because I am some kind of machine, but because this is my job. They should have some other kind of NaMo for those of us who are writers. I have been thinking on this problem, and here are some ideas.

NaNoBagzMo (National No Bags Month): This is one I have been thinking about for a while—I even mention it in Bermudez. It seems like every time I pick something up, even something as small as a container of milk, I get 60 plastic bags. I realize bags are just a small part of a larger issue of using too much packaging, but they seem like a good place to start. I wonder if I could go a month without accepting a bag. That would mean carrying some of the bags I already have with me and using them again. [It looks like my Secret Brother, Hank Green, is all over this! Check out his post on Ecogeek! Thanks, Maria, for the link!]

NaHelprMoMo (National Helper Monkey Month): This is a month in which I adopt and care for a Helper Monkey. (Free Monkey, though very much a monkey, is not a helper monkey. He is a monkey companion and consultant. There is a difference.) If you have a helper monkey you would like to volunteer for this cause, please get in touch at once!

NaDoSoScariMo (National Do Something Scary Month): Fear is our enemy. I know that is rich coming from me, as I am happy to list my many fears. But my listing them is the first step toward conquering them. Fear is the root of a lot of evils. In this month, you do something that scares you every day! It

Also, I seem to have invented a month with this Ask MJ thing. It was kind of an accident, but I am loving it!

Do you have any good ideas for a new month? Ask MJ rolls on, so please send them in! If I haven't answered one that you're asked, I still might! You never know!