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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

WHAT WE DID BEFORE THE INTERNET

I’ve been getting a lot of comments and e-mails from you guys recently about the Internet. Some of you have written to say that you are obsessed by something or someone and can’t stop looking for updates, or notes, or news. Others of you have studying or other things you have to do, but you can’t seem to break your electronic connection. Still others of you write and say things like: “PLZ HALP! My family is taking me to a CABIN in the WOODS to be EATEN BY BEARS and we have NO INTERNET and I am going to DIE.”

I am glad you came to me. I can help. And my help starts with me telling you something that may shock you to the very, very core. Are you ready?

THERE WAS NO INTERNET WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

I realize that this will make me sound like I was born in 1901 like Edward Cullen, but I wasn’t. We had The Simpsons when I was in high school. We had Law and Order. But no Internet. See, the Internet is just not that old.

Well, okay . . . TECHNICALLY there was an Internet when I was in high school, but it wasn’t very fancy, and pretty much no one knew about it, and you couldn’t really do very much with it. I think it was just some crap like the lunch menu at the Pentagon and you could only get to it through a phone line if you were a complete computer wizard who made jokes about binary code.

So I went through all of high school without using the internet. Well . . . okay . . . there was this one time I used the Internet in high school. I guess I can tell you the story.

My hot friend (you know, the hot one) and I were sitting around in my room. We were bored, so I got online and made contact with another machine. This other computer said to me in a creepy computer voice, “Do you want to play a game?” And I was like, “Sure.” It asked me what game I wanted to play, and I said, “I don’t know. How about Global Thermonuclear War?” It said fine and started rolling out all these sweet graphics of submarines and maps of Russia.

So the computer, my hot friend, and I are playing this game . . . but then my hot friend and I realized it totally WASN’T a game when the FBI swooped down on us. See, (and this is the embarrassing part) . . . we’d accidentally hacked into a military supercomputer and sort of, in a way, started World War III. So we had to escape from the FBI and find the crazy professor who made the computer in the first place. Then the professor, my hot friend, and I broke into NORAD. We thought the professor could reason with the computer, but the computer didn’t want to hear it. It had started a game of Global Thermonuclear War, and it planned on winning. (I kind of understood this because I am the same way with Monopoly, but still.)

I was all, “OMG, I am so sorry.” Things were looking pretty bad, but then I realized I could teach it the futility of war by getting it to play thousands of games of tic-tac-toe, which it did until it finally gave up and said “the only winning move is not to play.”

And that was really the only time I messed with the Internet in high school.

Oh, no. Wait a minute. That’s the plot of the movie WarGames. I was wondering why I looked so much like Matthew Broderick.

I’m really glad that that there’s an Internet for you guys who are in school, though I often wonder what would have happened if I had been born just a few years later and had the same opportunities. I shudder to think of the insane hijinx I would have gotten up to if I had had the Internet back in the Polyester Gulag days. I would have had a blog, and I would have joined all kinds of groups and forums and updated my page every two hours.

I think if there had been online chatting as well I would never, ever, ever have done my homework. As it was, I skated by without doing any math (except in class, on my lap), ad libbing my way through religion on the “I am not Catholic and therefore could not possibly understand” platform, and copying my friend Suzanne’s advanced music theory homework. I did my French in homeroom, and I definitely remember finishing a project for social studies on the windowsill of the third floor bathroom. ("What about the BUS?" you ask. The bus came at 6:30 in the morning and was usually about 110 degrees with steam on the windows, so the bus was for sleeping. We all slept. I called it the rolling incubator.) At night, I did my English, whatever science I was taking, and my German, because my German nun could kill a man with one arm tied behind her back while armed with nothing but a St. John Neumann prayer card. The rest was improvisation, more or less.

If I had had a blog too it would have been ALL OVER and I’d STILL be in high school (as I dream I am about three nights out of every given week) . . . so I hand it to you guys for finding some balance, if you have.

IF you have. That’s a big if!

The Internet is awesome. There’s just no getting away from it. Take away my wifi and I twitch like a tiny, tiny bug in a twitching competition. I like the Internet so much that sometimes I HAVE to unhook myself so that I can . . . you know . . . do my job. Because it can be hard to write a book while you’re checking your e-mail and chatting on the Abba forums. Oh, I call it research. I call it work. But 75% of the time it’s just me JACKING INTO THE MATRIX TO LOOK AT LOLCATZ.

So I disconnect, and I twitch for a while, and then . . . productivity comes. One of the reasons I CAN do this is because I remember my old self, the one that had no Internet. I remember not having Wikipedia. I remember not being able to get any news I wanted by clicking a button. I remember a time before my e-mail inbox.

Sometimes, that’s what you have to go back to, friends. Whether you have a test to study for, or you have to stop obsessing over something, or you have been forcibly removed from your computer . . . sometimes, you just have to face not being online. And because I like nothing more than to give you tricks and tips . . . here are some for making that painful transition.

Step one: Step away from your computer for a few hours at a time.

Hey! We have to get green! Turn that thing off (when you are done reading this blog)! What’s the worst that can happen? Oh, yeah, sure . . . maybe David Tennant will send you an e-mail saying, “DO YOU WANT TO PLAY MY NEW COMPANION ON DOCTOR WHO? ANSWER RIGHT AWAY OR I HAVE TO ASK SOMEONE ELSE.” Or someone will leak the entire new Harry Potter movie, and the site will only stay up for fifteen minutes. Or Abba will try to IM you.

Try not to think about those things.

Okay. That’s impossible. Just skip this step and go right on to . . .

Step two: Go outside without a device that transmits information.

That’s right. No laptop. No phone. Remove the GPS chip your parents had surgically imbedded in your arm. Be unreachable. Wander! Remember, bear attacks are not that common! If you were online, you might be reading the quotes from Allena Hansen, who survived a bear attack earlier this month:

“I found myself down on the ground. I heard, ‘Chomp, chomp, chomp.’ I felt it go through my skull. I felt it bite through this eye,” Hansen said. “I heard kind of a squishy, crunchy pop. I went, ‘There goes my eye!’ Then it got hold of my face and started shaking—you know, worrying it. I could feel it tearing off. I could feel the blood, the wetness; I could see it dripping; I could hear it ‘whooshing.’ And I think the one thing that was most vivid to me was watching that little bugger spit my teeth out.”


Errrr . . . don’t go outside. Forget that. Why, you can have an adventure right in your own house! Try . . .


Step three: Bond with your family.

Oh, that’s who those people are! Learn how to do it from this short movie!



Looking back on my three steps, I am starting to think that you should maybe stay online. Yeah. Just stay online. Like me. Stay online and leave me a comment, because you might win the last Suite Scarlett in this summer’s giveaway! It was HORRIBLE before the Internet. What was I THINKING?

THIS WEEK'S WINNER: HAYLEY THE VAMPIRE

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74 Comments:

Blogger Kristen said...

I swear, Every single time i read anything you write, I can't stop laughing. I mean, the only time something as serious as this happened when I was reading Libba Brays 'The Sweet Far Thing' (and if you've read it you'll know what I'm talking about) And got to this one part that had me crying for the last few chapters.
But yours is laughter, so I try to read yours more often. Unless I'm in a terrible mood.
But thats not really the point. I just really hope you keep on writing so I can have like a giant nerd collection of your books.

7:43 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...

Thanks for the tips, MJ! Also, thanks for all of your super-secret, made-of-awesome clue distribution. Would that I lived in NYC...Anyway, has JK been to visit you lately? And What are Scarlett's eleven doing to free Alan Rickman?!

On a side note, you ought to know that you made my friend Katie very happy recently. It was her birthday and the day before, I still hadn't gotten her anything for her birthday. So off I trudged to Half-Price Books, little brother in tow. I went to the Nerdfighter section towards the back (aka YA) and looked for an awesome book. And there on the shelf was Devilish, and a SIGNED copy at that! Several dollars and some wrapping paper later, I presented it to one very happy friend. Thanks for helping me make Katie's birthday absolutely made of awesome. :)

8:17 AM  
Anonymous K. said...

Excellent advice as usual, MJ!
Now I'm logging off. Really. I'm not going to check my email or Nerdfigh--nevermind. It's an awful habit, this Internets.

8:28 AM  
Blogger Khyrinthia said...

Delightful advice as always, Maureen. Unfortunately I have to stay on the internet, as I must work on my English homework. (Yes, school has started for me. D: Maureen, give us advice on going back to school. I'm sure it would cheer me up I need cheer!) Well, I don't need to internet for my homework, but how am I supposed to work without a youtube tab up to distract myself with past B2.0 videos?

8:43 AM  
Blogger Cat said...

Wow, I knew I had an addiction but I didn't realize it was so chronic until I read your post. And your tips would be helpful, if, you know, it's actually possible to quit. But it's not. Because bears will attack you if you try. Okay. But, you know, I could totally stop anytime I want. Yes. I can. -denial-

Oh, yeah, if I happened to have something else to do, like read Suite Scarlett, that would really help me kick the habit. Not that I need any help...I mean, I'm not addicted. Yeah. I'll just keep telling myself that.

8:48 AM  
OpenID beauxdanseur282 said...

Abba IM-ing me? Harry Potter Movie Leak? New Companion to DAVID TENNANT on Doctor Who? I'm never ever ever ever ever leaving my wonderful, lovely computer again. I'm taking it everywhere! EVERYWHERE! MWA HAHA HAHA HAHA!

And more Mystery Science Theater 3000? Really, what would I do without you, MJ? :0

Guess what's really bizarre. I just finished reading Devilish, and I guess the whole "MJ-went-to-Catholic-school-too" thing finally sunk into my brain and I realize how many things we have in common. I present to you a list:
1) I attend an all girl's Catholic prep high school called St. Teresa's Academy. No joke.
2)My mom is a doctor. (Yours is a nurse, but whatever. Close enough)
3)My dad is an engineer.

I could go on, but I'm tired. Still, the similiarities amaze, do they not?

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Noor said...

I wish I was unreachable for the most part. Because it's not like I ever answer my phone. And then my parents just get mad at me for having a phone and being unreachable. But I ENJOY being unreachable. And sometimes I wish the internet still didn't exist.

So, is your sister that Red Cross vampire or not?

9:52 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Someone needs to write a story about a German nun that could kill a man with one arm tied behind her while armed with nothing but a St. John Neumann prayer card. A ninja nun assassin! And she could fly like Sister Sally Field from "The Flying Nun"! I would totally read it.

Why would I for a moment ever think of getting off the computer? That's crazy talk.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

Maureen you definatly never FTBA!
I love your blog. I laugh all the time which was nice because I'm having a way off day. So thank you sincerly for this blog update. It made me feel just a bit more awesome (which is never a bad thing)
-Holly

11:33 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Thank you very much for this advice mj. Now I know exactly why I should never leave this desk. Outside is horrible. My family are okay. At least I think they are, I haven't spoken to them in a while. Hmm. Should I check on them?

12:35 PM  
Anonymous Kahla said...

sadly, i do not remember a time before thee internet; we took computer class starting in the first grade.



i think i would die (of happiness of course) if ABBA tried to im me. and i just found out that my aunt Heidi and her new husband are going to the opining of the museum next summer for a second hunnymoon

12:50 PM  
Blogger Rosianna said...

If David Tennant emailed me with that wonderful question and I missed out on it for the sake of trying to prise myself from my lovely black MacBook (aka Hermione) I would quite possibly (who am I kidding, definitely) KILL MYSELF. And/or start up an email relationship... and make him drag Billie Piper back for endless seasons of Tenth Doctor/Rose

1:48 PM  
Blogger MadameScribble said...

Oh MJ, you never cease to amaze me. I completely agree about the internet addiction haha, we're not addicted, we are just cleverly preserving ourselves from bears :P

Thanks for also re-kindling my interest in my own (neglected) blog :)

5:14 PM  
Anonymous Julia said...

The last one? That's weird to think about I've gotten so used to getting to the bottom and seeing the winner and thinking how happy they are going to be. I don't think there is anything more exciting in this world than winning something. Even if it's like a pencil or something. of course Suite Scarlett is much much more exciting than a pencil. I was in Italy for five days without any internet or English television last week. My dad and I tried to watch the Olympics, but they wouldn't show anything that wasn't about Italians, we watched the same fencing match like five times in a row while this Italian guy won a bronze medal. Not that I have any wrong with Italians, but I didn't see Michael Phelps win a single medal. I should stop rambling and go finish my summer reading. I read one of the books yesterday, it only took me five hours (Five hours not online now that I think about it), and I have to finish the next one today. Which should be fine I only have like 150 pages left. I mean I've already read the book anyway, I'm just reading it again, it's been like a year. good book though... I should go.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous alisa said...

i just can't stop thinking about this line: And I think the one thing that was most vivid to me was watching that little bugger spit my teeth out.

WHAT!?!?!?

*shudder*

6:56 PM  
Blogger lightforms said...

We had phones! With very, very long cords. And the internet was advanced enough in college to chat with long distance friends for free, yes albeit by telephone cord. What more could I ask for?

Can you imagine that in the late 1800's people had to use the POST for similar conversations? Every time you want to invite someone over for dinner or meet up or just to ask a simple question, the response time was days!

I actually saw that movie many times. Wanna play a game? JUST SAY NO! Wasn't this a part of Mrs. Regan's campaign? The theme of my childhood...

And may some punk little bear never get the best of any of us.

8:24 PM  
Blogger Kaitlyn said...

The Internet. It's a very tricky addicting thing. I think it's more additive then smoking. I just went a week without being able to click a button and have the world at my fingers. And now I just don't seem to worry about getting on all the time.

As for getting up and missing that email from Tennant. I think I would have a mental break down. Of course my friend Lauren is determined to be The Doctor's next companion anyway.

9:21 PM  
Blogger betty said...

There are two cures I find for the Internet. The first one is friends visiting, unless they bring their computers with them. Last time my friends came over, they brought their computers and we all sat in the living room in an aim chatroom. Yes, we are that weird. The second cure is going to work. They frown when you mysteriously disappear for hours at a time.

I hope that you are having a last fun week of summer. :)

9:31 PM  
Blogger barbara said...

The best way to avoid the internet, get lost shopping at walmart with your friends, even if you buy nothing. It is the best way to kill boredom. Then again Walmart is our mall here.
Why is it when brother helps with the desert he is callled a butler, but sister remains the same?

9:40 PM  
OpenID killersmile said...

I agree with you, it is much much safer to always be online. Best sort all the spam out of your email while there's still time left, right?

Now, I would like to know, what is your favorite part of the book-creating process? Is it the actual writing? The editing? The coffee breaks? The distraction? The final product? I mean, this is a huge multiple-step process. What are the ups and downs?

Anyway, I would very much love to receive the last copy of Suite Scarlett. It's the last book of yours that I haven't read, and I've spent so much money on assorted paperbacks this summer that I can't afford another book, let alone a hardcover :( I want to read more Maureen Johnson! It makes me feel all happy inside :D

9:56 PM  
Blogger Jessica said...

Aaah, WarGames and tiny little Matthew Broderick!

10:12 PM  
Blogger chanel.wa said...

God, I check my email like 150 times a day! Huzzah! I can't help it, I'm addicted. The only way I can get any writing done is to turn off my wireless thingie on my laptop, and my fingers never let me. Urg, now I remember that I have a writing goal I have to finish. GAAHHH! I'll probably be back.

11:02 PM  
OpenID themadpoker said...

Excellent advice! What I usually find to work is those days when my Internet decides it hates me and isn't going to work no matter what I do. Those days also lead to homicidal rage but I think it's good to let out your emotions once in awhile. =)

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Julia Rios said...

When I was in high school, we didn't have internet. We talked on the phone at home all the time instead. And we made each other mixed tapes. Oh, and we played a lot of computer games with sweet graphics that were all square. Homework? Oh, uh... I can still do it during the first 5 minutes of class... right? Hold on, just let me fold this note up into an envelope shape, first, okay?

I don't need a Suite Scarlett, because I bought one on Friday when I was in New York (it was too theme appropriate not to!) and read it in Central Park, and on the subway, and then on the train back to Boston Saturday morning. I made sure to hold it up so everyone could see what I was reading, too, and when friend met me at the 81st street Central Park entrance and asked what I was reading, I held up the book and said very clearly, "Oh, this? This is Suite Scarlett by Maureen Johnson. You should read it, too! Maureen Johnson is a very funny person!"

My friend sort of looked behind me to see if she might actually be on Candid Camera, and then asked me if I was all right.

"Oh, I'm fine," I said, holding the book up even higher. "I just really love well written young adult fiction, like this incredibly amusing novel by Maureen Johnson!"

So, if the New York sales happen to sky rocket, you know who to thank. I'm just saying.

11:30 PM  
OpenID visualkeipenguin said...

I remember having no internet...I didn't really get into the whole internet thing till I was about 12 years old and I discovered AIM and fansites where hot pics of my fav actors were ARCHIVED (it blew my freakin mind!).

Okay when you mentioned the German nun and the "St. John Neumann prayer card" I read it as "St. Paul Newman prayer card. Paul Newman (or as I fondly call him "The Dressing Guy") prayer cards would be awesome. I want one.

I love the Internet too much to get off it.

12:41 AM  
Blogger Lauren(wearing a superman cape) said...

I am still internet deprived. My laptop is brand new and very Doctor Who themed, but there is one problem: DIAL UP.
As in, the internet connection that takes so long to load a page that you can take a bath, eat some eggos, sing a karaoke number with ABBA, and watch the first four seasons of Blood Ties and still have time to have an in depth conversation with your free monkey.

So, instead of twitching from having no internet, I go to the library to watch youtube and twitch because it loads so darn fast. WHEN ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FIND TIME TO EAT YOUR EGGOS?!?

1:13 AM  
Anonymous Reese said...

Wonderful advice, Maureen, but I'm still waiting for my e-mail from David Tennant and IM from ABBA.

*sits in front of screen avoiding writing her History paper*

1:37 AM  
Blogger LibraryHermit said...

Thanks for the tips Maureen!! BUT I WILL NEVER RELINQUISH MY INTERNET!!!! How else will I be able to watch clips of David Tennant while I'm waiting for that email?

You don't have to give me a book. I would be happy with Spencer getting a wonderful girlfriend named Elaine. But, failing that, I would VERY MUCH like a book.

1:50 AM  
Blogger Tashi said...

very true, one should always stay on the internet! what other addiction can protect you so unfailingly from the all the Evil Creatures lurking in the Great Outdoors?

i have a random question: what's your opinion on movies being made of your books? would the millions of inevitable changes to the plot and characters bother you? would you allow one to be made if they agreed to include at least 4 ABBA dance scenes and lectures on the dangers of jellyfish?

also, are we still supposed to mention it if we are interested in the Suite Scarlett giveaways? i would love one!

1:51 AM  
Anonymous Glynis said...

At age 15, I remember no time without the internet. Internet access is listed as one of the required materials on my back to school list-seriously. The only thing I can compare it to is life without Facebook. And just how did we ever live without that?

Besides, if I wasn't online reading this and commenting, I'd be writing my essay for summer reading that I haven't started and is due...tomorrow! Yay procrastination!

1:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you see, this [my] generation has the internet and crappy tv shows whereas your generation, had no interenet and fantastical tv shows [as did my parent's generation.] i like to think of it as one of those give-and-take scenerios. at least, that's what i tell my parents when they yell at me to get my butt off the computer and see some sunlight. :)

*Emilee

ps- no suite scarlett for me. i have my own copy, thank you very much.

2:19 AM  
Anonymous britthasnowit said...

It's funny, because for me, it seems as though there WAS no life without the internet...It doesn't help that I'm a horrible procrastinator and will put off anything the least bit important to do unimportant things like surf the internet and watch my favorite bands on Youtube. I love your blogs because they're always so insightful with great advice that I'll actually listen to. My parents would probably think otherwise, but what they don't know won't hurt them. (Hey, my dad even used that saying on me once before.)

Brittney

2:44 AM  
Anonymous AnnaPo said...

It seems weird to me, too-not having the internet. WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT MJs BLOG POSTS? I need that 5 minutes of laughter! Maureen what do you think of John Greens books? or scotts? or justines? or anyone???

2:48 AM  
Anonymous Chelsea said...

My internet is currently being upgraded, so I don't have internet access at my house for two days (OHNOES). I quite enjoy the library anyway, so I just begged my parents to take me up here to "do physics homework." I intend to actually do my physics homework in a few minutes.

This was quite entertaining. :)

2:48 AM  
Anonymous Carla said...

i agree
i don't think that i could live without the internet
i just get sucked in every time i get on the computer
its very addicting
i still don't know how i seem to get all of my homework done, especially since i get so much and have very little time
and then i waste a lot of my time on the computer or reading a book
i should probably go do some more homework now

4:03 AM  
Blogger Elzabelle said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

4:36 AM  
Blogger Elzabelle said...

Wargames! We used to watch that with my mom when we were younger. Along with Short Circuit, another Sheedy flick.
Oh, now you have made me feel very nostalgic and homesick. College is stress-full and I miss my mommy. =( Ha ha, I have no shame in being a baby.

Perhaps a copy of Suite Scarlett would distract me from my homesickness (but not, of course, my schoolwork!) : - )

4:44 AM  
Anonymous shaylaluna said...

Hah. Mathew Broderick in Wargames. However, I must say I also enjoyed Ferris Buelers day off. I would like a copy of Suite Scarlett. My friend has recently borrowed mine....I doubt she'll give it back. PLEASE. To increase my chances of winning I will be random. ASLDKNFSOAGNILCKNASDLGHABSDOWHEPOjdxkljasdlghasd'tajK:LSJ'aD:KLajsdofsfh9w375i234hj5tl. I Like Cheese. THe blueberry muffins I just made use artificial blueberries. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD? They still taste good. I got food poisoning by drinking a juice pouch that expired two and half years ago. Then I felt better when I ate cheesecake.

5:30 AM  
Anonymous Ediquish said...

David Tennant might email me!?!? *carries computer everywhere, constantly checking email*

6:51 AM  
Anonymous Summer said...

the internet is currently helping me not do my American History, French, and Algebra homework.
yay!
:D

7:03 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

I have a question:
Where did you get the Obama '08 shirt you wear in the video with Libba Bray? I saw it months ago and haven't stopped lusting after it since. I figured it was time to stop drooling on everything when I think about it.
A wonderful post, as always. :]
I would be lost without yahoo news and wikipedia. I honestly don't know how I ever survived NOT being able to find out why the divers shower after their dives.
dftba

8:52 AM  
Blogger Shannen said...

I absolutely LOVE MST3000! I'm so happy you put that clip up... You have to watch "Horror at Party Beach"... you'll never look at saltines the same way again... come to think of it they mentioned Saltines in this one too... I'm sensing a hidden obsession from Tom Servo.

10:00 AM  
Anonymous Haddy-la said...

haha that was funny i love it when you post

12:53 AM  
Anonymous Summer Marie said...

MAUREEN!!! the LAST BOOK?!!?!

Nooo!!!! It probably won't go to me and then I'll cry!

Yeah I really need to get off the internetz more.
But I am afraid of bears. I really am.

3:20 AM  
Blogger AT said...

Two words: Study Hall.
Get one, and then you can be on the internet all night, like me!

5:15 AM  
Blogger beth said...

Now that you even mentioned the possibility of being David Tennant's companion (or Doctor Who's either one's), there is NO WAY I CAN EVER BE OFF THE INTERNETS EVER AGAIN EVER.

Can I have a book to read while a obsessively check my email? Please :) ?

6:21 PM  
Anonymous Rosalee said...

Well, you see it's kind of difficult to get off the computer to do homework when my high school has gone paperless. Everything is done electronically. Every student has there own laptop that we take notes on during class. We're saving trees but ruining my grades...
Computers are taking over the world!!

10:04 PM  
Anonymous Heidi the Pirate :o) and her parrot Timothy said...

I have a very, Very, VERY important question.
Do you think a story about pirates, and parrots, and pirate dogs, and Galileo, and peeps, and italian rap music, and evil wizards, and universal remotes, and the eiffel tower, and coffee, and ABBA inspired-costumes, and sinking ships, and pirate mothers, and purple contacts, and an amazing show in a run-down cafe is a good story?

1:22 AM  
Anonymous Elizabeth A.W...... said...

I was just browsing the internet, as I usually do when drawn in by it's magnetic force, and I came across "The Worst Album Covers of All Time" compiled by comcast.net.

http://www.comcast.net/music/worstalbumcoversofalltime/slideshow/view/4/

I can't believe ABBA's on it!
Well... I can. They also have many other albums including "Fabio: After Dark." Who knew Fabio had an album?!? I don't really want to know what's on it, though. Hopefully I'll have a "Suite Scarlett" to read instead! Quick, MJ save me from the ever-present power of Fabio!! *scream fades into the darkness....*

1:24 AM  
OpenID kuki-skoldpadda said...

Thanks for the tips! I got my copy of Sweet Scarlett today! hooray! thanks for that too. ^_^

I didn't get to use the internet until I was in junior high, thinking back I probably got cable around that time too... my parents just didn't think it necessary to plug me in cyber world, I had to do it myself.
I live in a pretty place I love going out and logging off... lately outside means college (it has it's pretty spots) ... but I'm dying for the weekend so I can sightsee and do nothing... I could even sit at the beach and read sweet scarlet... yay!

5:04 AM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

I already commented once, but seriously Maureen I had this amazing thought. If I were a vampire like Edward Cullen I would NOT going around falling in love with girls like Bella. I would fight! Like in important wars and stuff. Since Edward's been "alive" since 1901 how come he never entered WWI WWII or Vietnam? WHAT GIVES EDWARD? With the ability to dodge fire, ammo, gas, gernades why WOULDNT YOU? Plus if he was into eating humans he could just feed off the dead bodies of enemy soldiers he killed. No one would be any wiser. If politic wars arent your think what about rawanda and dafur? I would have and still would totally go in there and free the people! c'mon edward cullen if you're out there do something important!!!
Does the eating enemy soldiers thing creep you out? okay minus that part...Anyway I was curious if you were Edward Cullen or a vampire for that matter what would you do that the vampires in Stephanie Meyers world WOULDNT do that was awesome?

10:56 AM  
Blogger Sophie said...

uhg. I have been contemplating the "internet in the postmodern society" - issue a lot lately. I just started boarding school and they have NO INTERNET. I'm considering to sue in Den Haag

7:55 PM  
Anonymous meg c. said...

so. that video, while kinda boring, was made soooo much better by the commentators! where did you find it and are there any more like that?

any thoughts on the whole stephenie meyer not releasing "midnight sun" business?

12:42 AM  
OpenID maple-america said...

Wow! how did you survive with out the internet?? if i didn't have the internet i would probably be rocking back and forth in a corner muttering to myself. of course i'm doing that right now because the only library here is poorly understocked and it costs like 25 bucks to borrow books! ugh, moving to small towns with librarys that have 25 books is NOT fun!! i am seriously going through withdraws, you can only read a book so many times before you find that your quoting it at least 50 times a day...

2:50 AM  
Blogger Lexi Lou said...

Soo... was this back in the day when you had to walk 2o miles to school barefoot in a raging snowstorm with nothing to carry your books in but an old barely sack...?

Okay, I'll shut up now :3

7:04 AM  
Blogger The Compulsive Reader said...

Dear Maureen,

I went and saw Mamma Mia! last night (FANTASTIC does not even begin to describe it), and as I was watching the previews, I noticed the ALAN RICKMAN was in a preview for the movie Bottle Shock. Did JK finally release him from her clutches or is she just keeping him on a very tight leash? Inquiring minds want to know...

~tcr

7:23 PM  
Blogger Shausto-la said...

okay. so your advice is really great and all but it doesnt really help me. because i have mastered the painful art of going outside withought a labtop. it took many years and some really painful scratches (dont ask) but i finally did it.

but now...i have a new task.. i must go back to school.
This would be all fine and dandy if i were just sitting in class listening to a teacher ramble, but im not. instead i am sitting in class listening to a teacher ramble while sitting Right Next to a Computer. a Computer with Internet. a Computer that i'm not allowed to use.
It's torture. it really is. I just sit there the whole class and stare at the computer longingly while my friend ties my hands behind my back so i dont jump up in the middle of class and turn on the internet. and then i end up failing that class. which, by the way, does not go over well with the parents. they dont really take my internet addiction as an exuse..

and now my mom is watching dora the explorer upstairs. I think I just may go insane.

8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Question! When will the Scarlett Sweepstakes winner person be announced?

And delightful post as always. =D

8:55 AM  
Blogger Becca said...

I just saw the newer version of war games...it was awsome. Do you like the smell of fall...school supplies, books, the smell of the dead leaves? Harry potter makes me sleepy the movie not the actor. There is something comforting in it like when you were a kid and ur mom sings to you....is it just me?

9:18 AM  
Blogger Meghan said...

Another reason to avoid the Internet? I went to read the articles on Slate and saw this as the main story:

http://www.slate.com/id/2198845/

2:29 AM  
Blogger KimjustKim said...

Your blog is crack. Hot buttered crack. I read it out loud to my sister over the phone. I hope I win your book giveaway!

3:04 AM  
Anonymous Kristen said...

WHAT IF GENE KELLY TAP DANCED ON ROLLER SKATES TO ABBA????? Life on the moon and eartha nd all of the planets and stars and non-planets would be made.

4:19 AM  
Blogger A Paperback Writer said...

You think you're old?
Hmmph.
I went to high school before CDs. No joke. CDs hit the market right about the time I graduated.
No one had iPods. They had Walkmans. Those were little portable cassette tape players that hooked to your belt and to which you listened through headphones.
However, teachers still confiscated those from kids trying to listen to a few tunes during history lectures back then, so I guess some things haven't changed too much.

6:20 AM  
OpenID dragonarider said...

One reason to get off the internet: read Suite Scarlett! or Girl at Sea or read Delilish, like I was earlier today!

Otherwise there is no reason to get off, I mean it has everything here. Well, except straight away munchable food.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Summer Marie said...

MAUREEN!

I'm moving to New York City!!! Help me! What should I do? Where should I buy books? Where should I eat!? I'm going to search your blog now to see if you have written about this already, now.

Please... Suite Scarlett... Please...

2:13 PM  
Blogger Madame Invisible said...

Nothing really bad ever happens on the Internet. You're right. No bear attacks, no talking to the creepy people in your house. All Very calm and peaceful. And you never know, ABBA may try to IM you. It's a wild, wild world out (in?) there. Hee hee. Great advice. All very valid points.
And I LOOOVVVVEEEE YOU SO VERY VERY MUCH!!! *cough* Suite Scarlett.... *cough*

9:51 PM  
Blogger The Not So Closet Geeks said...

great advice =)

12:40 AM  
Anonymous leximel said...

maureen,

how do you deal with death?

because i just found out my strategy is mindlessly surfing the internet.

internet is good to me

8:07 AM  
Blogger shecaptain said...

This was some fabulous advice! This past summer I was forced to disconnect from my internet. I went on an archaeology dig in the middle of nowhere. It was a fantastic experience but through the whole first week I was dying to go on line! I would give anything for some wifi. But by the end of week six, everything was great and I wasn't having cravings anymore. But now that I'm back, living in civilization, I'm hooked once again. So, my advice would be to live in the desert for six weeks and .... it'll be...great.

Yay internet! And YAY BOOKS!

11:12 AM  
Anonymous Paige said...

Ummm. disconnect from the internet to break the addiction?! are you nuts!! I think i would die! So i'm one of those old folks who didn't have internet in high school either...and not I think my life is controled by it! seriously, what did we do before the internet? or bettter yet...what did we do before our phones had the internet(a camara and our music too)?? Wow, life must have really sucked. ;P

7:36 PM  
OpenID edarra said...

Well I may not know about internet withdrawals, but as it happens, I've been without a phone for over a month, and I have no idea how I've survived this long. All I can say is, it doesn't really get easier as you go... my family has no house phone, either, so I'm really just without a phone all the time. It's pretty annoying a lot of the time. But then again, sometimes it comes in handy. For example, when you get sucked into filling out random surveys to enter a raffle to win $100 and they want your phone number so they can contact you and give you more information (one particular survey was offering to call me to explain the differences between christianity, buddhism, and hinduism). Anyway, the last Suite Scarlett would probably make me feel better about being cut off. Or at least, it would pass the time while I'm waiting for people to figure out another way to contact me.

7:38 PM  
Blogger shesarejector said...

hahahahahahahah, your blog makes me laugh so much. thanks for providing quality entertainment. why would i go outside when i have your blog to entertain me while i sit in an air conditioned living room?

5:45 AM  
Blogger Kat said...

What were your first few weeks at college? I just started at a school across the country, and I am kind of ridiculously homesick. Do you have any advice?

6:19 AM  
Anonymous Danielle S. said...

So I don't know if you check comments on old blogs or not, but I thought I would throw in my two cents anyway. I just started reading your blog and I am endless entertained by it and this particular post felt very relavent to my current life because I am studying abroad in Italy this semester and we were told that we might not have internet in our appartments. I read this in our handbook and dismissed it, assuming that of course I would have internet because I could not imagine a world in which I lived somewhere that did not have it. Well my roommates and I get to our appartment and of course, no internet. We could still access the internet at school during certain hours, but at night or on the weekends while we were hanging out in our appartment, I thought I would go crazy. No googling much needed information, like recipes for food or directions to get somewhere. I really didn't even realize how much I used the internet for day to day things until I didn't have access to it anymore. We would make trips on our days off or weekends to the school just to use the internet (school is about a half hour bus ride away). And then one day we discovered a router box in our appartment left here from the previous tenant. It was the best day of our lives (well almost, but we were pretty darn excited). So yeah, I know what I would do without internet, and that is go crazy apparently.

3:05 AM  

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