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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

THE ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL

VOTING IS NOW CLOSED. PLEASE RETURN AT 9 PM EST FOR THE ZOMBIE IDOL AWARD ANNOUNCEMENT.

They shambled in.

They showed their stuff.

Brains have been eaten.

We have bitten nails in nervous anticipation.

And now . . . now it is here. The ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL . . . the biggest awards for the undead in ALL OF HISTORY.

Many have come and many have tried, but there can only be one. And in the next 24 hours, that decision will be made. Zombie lovers everywhere are planting themselves in front of their computers, ready to vote. No one seemed to watch the Oscars last night, and is it any surprise? Everyone was getting in their snacks and settling down for their ZOMBIE IDOL PARTIES!

Now is the time to choose. Now . . . now the real battle begins.



Sit yourself down! Get a snack! It’s time!


First, we must crown the winner of Round Two, which was (as I suspected) a total knock-down, drag-‘em-out until the very end. It was a shockingly close contest, which kept twisting and spinning as I tracked the results. But a winner did emerge.

The winner of Round Two was “Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out” by Shel Silverstein, by Danielle. Danielle! Send in your address! You are the winner of the FIRST SUITE SCARLETT OUT OF THE BOX!

And now . . . now our two zombies face off.



The final two, face to face.


Here it is again, for your consideration.

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
Would not take the corpses out!
She'd chase the humans and groan out loud,
Be evil and kill all the bodies in a crowd,
And though her daddy would scream and shout,
She simply would not take the corpses out.
And so they piled up to the ceilings:
Leaking kidneys, no more feelings,
The ghostly sounds of human screams
And chunks of spleen.
They filled the can, they covered the floor,
They cracked the windows and blocked the doors
With skin rinds and broken bones,
Drippy ends of pancreas all alone,
Noses, stomachs, livers,
Enough to make humans fearfully shiver,
Ribs and hips,
Soggy eyes and cracked wrists,
Crusts of larynx ,
Grisly bits of pharynx. . .
The corpses rolled on down the hall,
They raised the roof, they broke the walls.
Greasy skin, teeth crumbs,
Globs of bloody gums,
Nerves from spines,
Rubbery blubbery intestines,
Hands, caked and dry,
Crusts of eyes,
Old colons, dried up guts,
Yellow lumps of brains and butt.
Zombie mouths eating human meat,
Cold and rancid feet.
At last the corpses reached so high
That they finally touched the sky.
And all the zombies moved away,
And none of her friends would come to play.
And finally Sarah Cynthia Stout said,
"OK, I'll take the corpses out!"
But then, of course, it was too late. . .
The corpses reached across the state,
From New York to the Golden Gate.
And there, in the corpses she did hate,
Poor Sarah met an awful fate,
That I cannot now relate
Because the hour is much too late.
But zombies, remember Sarah Stout
And always take the corpses out!





Where the sidewalk ends . . . zombies thrive!



And in the other corner . . . returning after one week . . . the extremely popular HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K.


Never stay dead. Learn to watch from shadows. Spread incurable viruses. Invite slow runners to tea. Collect occipital lobes and put them all over your house. Make friends with fear and trepidation. Look forward to nightmares. Make men cry in movies. Eat brains naked. In moonlight. Cultivate apocalypse. Refuse to “be entombed.” Do it for evil. Take lots of innocents. Give undeath away. Do it now. The living will follow. Believe in the cursed. Groan a lot. Celebrate every gorgeous medulla oblongata. Take bloodbaths. Steal others’ wild imaginings through transformative cerebrum-sucks. Revel in perfect chaos. Draw on the walls. With gnawed-off knuckles. Imagine yourself victorious. Giggle at shot guns. Listen to old people wail. Open them up. Dive in. Be free. Damn yourself. Drive in the fear. Play with entrails. You are unholy. Build a fort with corpses. Get revenge. Hug graves. Roam aimlessly. Massacre.





Can HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE take out this new challenger?


The time now is 7:00 PM, Eastern Standard time in the United States. The ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL will go on for 24 hours, starting NOW.

The rules are simple . . . one vote per person in the comments. Don’t cheat or we’ll have you eaten.

The most important part of the ZOMBIE IDOL FINAL is YOU! YOU make the show!

This is an interactive experience, so throughout the next 24 hours, I’ll be updating this post. You’ll hear color commentary from Your Celebrity Judges. I’ll be answering questions and comments. If you have footage of any of your Zombie Idol celebrations, send it in! This is the time! This is the day! MAKE THE CASE FOR YOUR ZOMBIE! Sing the ZOMBIE IDOL theme song! Express your INNER ZOMBIE!

1 PM: It's a tight one, folks. It's simply too early to call any kind of lead. If it's any help, I had a dream last night that I was in Shaun of the Dead 2, except it wasn't a movie--it was real life. How great is that? I was running from zombies all night!

Just to get you pumped . . . why not rock out with our hero Shaun for five minutes?

[Warning: there is a tiny, tiny bit of saucy language in the video, as this is the English way. They are a saucy people. I know most of you won't mind. Also, PREPARE TO DANCE!]



5:30 PM: Just an hour and a half to go . . .

It's an emotional time in Zombie Idol HQ.

We judges are on tenderhooks. So much has brought us to this moment . . . so many zombies have crossed our paths. We are sitting here, exchanging memories of some of our favorites. We find that it is hard to know what to say, because all the zombies were important to us. As we go into the final stretch, we just want to thank everyone who gave their all, who gave their zombies . . .

If you have not voted, don't wait! This is it!

6:45 PM: I'm really starting to feel for those people on CNN who give commentary on elections. I have votes flying in from every direction . . . comments, e-mails, even over IM . . . but I CAN'T CALL THIS RACE! NOT YET!

Labels: ,

141 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!!!!!! GOOOOOOOOOOOO DANIELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I am a big fan of exclamation marks!) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3:27 AM  
Blogger Amee said...

I vote for Danielle as well. What is the grand prize anyway?

3:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sry silvia, but i got to go with how to be a zombie, just overall think it apeals to the horror of zombies. You can so feel it. GO HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE!!!

3:38 AM  
Blogger Sandy said...

How To Be a Zombie... because how much awesome would that poster be made out of?!

3:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout is awesome

3:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Agreed. Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!

3:55 AM  
Blogger Caroline said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout! Shell Silverstein was the Shakespeare of my childhood, and Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout was my Romeo and Juliet, or whatever you consider to be the Bard's finest work. So, Shell Silverstein + Zombies = Ultimate level of Zombie awesomeness. Great job, Danielle!

3:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*does happy dance 80 bazillion times*

Whee.

And I vote for no one. =0 We shall let the people who didn't write them decide.

3:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My vote goes to SCSS. (That's Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout if you couldn't guess.)

And I would LOVE to hear someone sing the Zombie Idol theme song, as I was unaware there even was one!

4:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout. most definitely.

4:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to have to vote for "how to be a Zombie" because we have the "How to be an Artist" poster in out art room and I love it!

4:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie...I love it!!!

wheeeeeeeeeeeee :D

4:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE. I want that as a poster....so bad!!! =)

4:22 AM  
Blogger Reese said...

How to be a zombie.

4:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout =)

4:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Danielle and "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout." You go girl!

4:29 AM  
Blogger Sana said...

How to be a Zombie! Adrienne K.
<3

4:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out

4:44 AM  
Blogger Slade said...

It's gotta be Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, no contest. A poster of the other would be cool, but imagine opening up Where the Sidewalk Ends and finding "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the corpses out"? That would be AMAZING! So much better than cool! Vote trashy zombie poetry!

4:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for How To Be A Zombie. I used to have a book of SARK's pithy, precious sayings when I was an impressionable teenager, and I love this reimagining!

4:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a tough call, but I'm going to have to go with Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sara cynthia sylvia stout. i love it!

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gah... i can't pick. good luck to you both >.< ^.^

5:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Danielle....an avid reader and big fan.

5:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K.

ohh there both so good
but how to be a zombie is slaming somthing sappy
i hate sappy things

5:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout...most definetly

5:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

definitely Sylvia!!

5:25 AM  
Blogger Holly said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout! It's hilarious. :) yay!

5:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out”
All the way.

5:40 AM  
Blogger Me said...

I love them both (I voted for them both!!!) but I have to go with HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE. Brilliance.

5:42 AM  
Blogger Peter K. said...

How to be a Zombie!

5:55 AM  
Blogger Shausto-la said...

definitely HoW TO BE A ZOMBIE.

utterly fawesome.


but MJ, i'm rather concerned. We all know how J.K.Rowling likes your cereal, and we really havent heard much from you lately (with the cover of Zombie Idol of course,) but really. I can put 2 and 2 together.
Has JK Rowling finally put her plan into action to kidnap you and eat your huge stash of snacks and force you to listen to unreal sekrits about the series until your head explodes and she can eat your explod-y brains? again?

cus ya know, were all ready to create a mob and run around screamign with pitchforks and fire..to rescue you, of course. :9

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

as much as i love rhyming poems. i gotta give it to how to be a zombie because we all need to know how zombies live.

6:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to be a zombie is a hands down winner.

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DEFINITELY “Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out”. This is the best thing that I have read in such a long time. Danielle--you did a GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Adrienne's "How to be a Zombie".... I loved it!

6:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie gets my vote!

6:25 AM  
Blogger Laura said...

Everything I need to know I learned from HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE. Hence, it gets my vote.

6:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie!! Hilarious!

6:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my vote here for Sarah Stout.
definitely yes without a doubt...

6:37 AM  
Blogger liz said...

i love silverstein and i love rhyme
but "How to be a Zombie" is a winner every time.

Adrienne K., please

6:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE. That shizzit is genius! To the max!

6:49 AM  
Blogger Trish said...

How to be a Zombie.

6:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to be a zombie is awesome

hug graves! i feel the joy a zombie would doing that act

6:51 AM  
Blogger Huck said...

How To Be A ZZZZZZZZZZZOMBIE!!!

6:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to be a zombie is my vote....here's to a great voice

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Adrienne and "How to be a Zombie"!

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote "How to be a Zombie" !

Adrienne is my hero.

7:10 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Gotta go with Adrienne.

7:12 AM  
Blogger Kilogram said...

Definitely a vote for Danielle. Never has Shel Silverstein been so brutal.

7:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout FTW.

7:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie!!

7:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Definitely Sarah Stout.

7:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How To Be A Zombie!!!
-K.B.

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!!!!

I LOVE this one!

BEST ONE

7:27 AM  
Blogger Donny said...

How to be a Zombie. I would buy that poster.

7:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gotta vote for danielle's 'sarah stout'

7:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout!!

7:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to vote for Sarah Stout. It was awesome.

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am voting for How To Be Zombie!!!!

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well your answering questions.. so i have a few!! #1 when will FAQS be up and running or is it?
#2 will thier be a second book to 13 little blue envelopes?? and if not wrie one for me!! please!!!
l8er

7:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah stout!!

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K. all the way!
- C. Williams

7:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Zombie Shel. (Shel of a Zombie! Ha!)

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie! W00t! Adrienne for the win!

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout :D

7:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

SARAH STOUT ALL THE WAY!!!!

8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout! That is just awesome!!

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah cynthia silvia stout all the way

8:13 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Adrienne all the way!

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I GO FOR SARAH CYNTHIA SYLVIA STOUT!!!

8:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah cynthia sylvia stout fa sho

8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sorry zombie person, sarah cynthia silvia stout kills it!! haha..bad pun

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah stout most definetly

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout definitely

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE is killer

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How To Be a Zombie

9:28 AM  
Blogger ErinK said...

It must be Adrienne!

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Adrienne! How to be a Zombie is brilliant!

10:31 AM  
Blogger lightforms said...

Silvia!!! Love the Leaking kidneys, chunks of spleen. Just lovely imagery of zombie love!

10:36 AM  
Blogger eve said...

Heh, I vote for How To Be A Zombie :D

10:39 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

This is hard, but I have to go with Danielle's Shel interpretation. Both were really good, so it looks like this one might be tough to call. Either that, or I didn't read up far enough!

10:59 AM  
Blogger chelseyjane said...

i vote for how to be a zombie. i think it is cleverer, to put it quite simply, but congratulations to both entries. such talent!

12:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie!

Definitely this one. I loved it.

12:38 PM  
Blogger kahala said...

Adrienne's "How to Be A Zombie." Creative, encouraging, eloquent - just like Adrienne. :)

12:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K.

3:36 PM  
Blogger The Commish said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE by Adrienne K.

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie. Adrienne K seems to have such an understanding of the process that one might almost believe she had lived in a building full of the undead.

3:47 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

How to be a Zombie by Adrienne K.

3:48 PM  
Blogger Ian said...

how to be a zombie!

4:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, all the way!

4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My vote is for Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!!!

5:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Danielle rocks! Sarah....Stout gets my vote though both were great!

5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie!!!

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE!!

It's just too damn funny!

5:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to be a zombie

6:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Without a doubt How to be a Zombie!!
:)

6:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a zombie

7:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah stout!!

7:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It has to be Sarah Stout. Most definitely.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Aly said...

I'm going to have to vote for Danielle. She's the real deal, man.

7:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How To Be A Zombie!!! :-D

8:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take The Garbage Out!!!!!!!!!!! I mean seriously! that is so nasty!

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for Adrienne K!!!

A dri enne A dri enne!!! Yay!

8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie.

9:49 PM  
Blogger Crazy8 said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout Would Not Take the Garbage Out!

10:59 PM  
Blogger Christina Hicks said...

How to Be a Zombie, definitely!

11:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ahhhh! So hard to choose! I'm going to have to go with How to Be a Zombie though. Good luck to the both of you!

11:34 PM  
Blogger page95 said...

I vote for adrienne...how to be a zombie!

12:07 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

sarah cynthia sylvia stout!!!!

shel silverstein is, like, my HERO!!! and so are you danielle!!!!

(I have to admit, though, I love, love, love how to be a zombie, too)

but any shel silverstein or dr. suess has my vote, and since shel made it to the finals, congrats danielle. my vote to you!

12:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Adriene K's How to be a Zombie, still.

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love shaun of the dead and that song i loved that song so much i bought it on itunes
hot fuzz is awsome too same people

1:17 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

How to be a zombie! Most definitely!

1:24 AM  
Blogger Theology Girl said...

Going to have to go with How to Be a Zombie!

Compliments to Danielle, though. Well done!

1:52 AM  
Blogger ari :o) said...

HOW TO BE A ZOMBIE!!!!! IT WAS AWESOMELY AMAZING!!!
o, and can u put the final score when announcing who won?! thx

2:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmm...this was so super hard but i'm going for how to be an artist (it was gr8!)

2:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout all the way!!!

2:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i luv them both, but i have 2 go with Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!!! may the best zombie win!!!

2:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Both were great, but I'm going to have to go with How to be a Zombie. It just called to me.

2:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rhyme vs whimsy -- I loved them both! But I have to go with Adrienne K :)

2:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've already voted (voting's closed anyway), but I just had to mention that every time Shaun jumps over the garden fence and it falls, I laugh SO HARD. Every single time! I always know it's coming, but I laugh anyway.

2:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout, all the way. It's brilliant, lol!

2:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout!

3:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout!

3:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sarah stout definitely! so awesome.

3:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia. That one was so jokes.

3:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! Adrienne Kisner's is absolutely astonishing! She truly puts you in the Zombie mind frame! I VOTE ADRIENNE!

3:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I have a few minutes left to vote. (No good with time zones.)

Sarah Stout!

3:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to vote for my buddy Danielle.

3:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How to be a Zombie! Adrienne

Gina

3:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

how to be a zombie!!!!

3:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Stout!!!

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Almost no time!!

SARAH STOUT!!

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can vote in email? But that wasn't in the rules!

3:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i vote for how to be a zombie!

3:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i vote for how to be a zombie!!

3:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Eep i think im a couple minutes over but...Sarah Stout!

3:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout..

3:44 AM  
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