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Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I am incapable of lying, but I admire the ability in others.

Yesterday, on Twitter, I challenged people to tell some lies about me. I’m not sure what made me do this. Perhaps I was thinking of my friend Justine Larbalestier’s new book, Liar.* Perhaps I was just thinking about how ACCURATE everything is on the internet. In any case, I threw down the challenge. To the winner, I promised a shiny new ARC of SCARLETT FEVER, months before the release of the book.

I have always known that you are exceptionally clever, but I got a powerful reminder of that when I read the entries. It took me quite a while to read them all and to select just 25 of them. In fact, I BROKE MY TWITTER trying to access replies, there were so many of them.

Now, for your consideration are 25 LIES ABOUT ME. Like its predecessor, Zombie Idol, LIAR IDOL will be judged by YOU.

Here are the rules:

Vote in the comments. You may only vote once. This is an honor system. (And if you sign in anonymously, please put your name on your comment.)

Throughout the day, I will count the votes. The winner will be called at 5 PM, New York time.



1. @NinjaFanpire If @maureenjohnson says your going to die at a certain time and place, you'd better get there and you'd better already be dead.

2. @susie130 Guns don't kill people; @maureenjohnson kills people.

3. @JayOrDan23In the event of a water landing, @maureenjohnson can also be used a flotation device.

4. @itokro The Pope reads @maureenjohnson, and broke his wrist trying to re-create a Spencer stunt.

5. @livin4hymn Amy Winehouse isn't addicted to drugs, she just experienced too much of @maureenjohnson at once and hasn't been the same since

6. OSUBrit They say @maureenjohnson never blinks, and that she roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves...

7. @creativemachine Kids check under their beds for the boogieman. The boogieman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris checks for @maureenjohnson

8. @sophienotemily If you need to find the nearest @maureenjohnson... there's an app for that.

9. @lalibrarylady86Top Editor at Us Weekly Departing http://bit.ly/vvgdH because of @maureenjohnson Editor's final quote: "That woman will put me in my grave"

10. @granbookpub @maureenjohnson shocked to find the opening sentence of SCARLETT FEVER won the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. @realjohngreen submitted it.

11. @pumpkin0core@maureenjohnson walks into a bar. Now laugh.

12. @omgitsoml14 Always be sure to use protection when having @maureenjohnson

13. @pumpkin0core In the latest Mortal Kombat, @maureenjohnson is an unlockable character. Not even the programmers know how to unlock her.

14. @lunar321 @maureenjohnson has a whole poe statue, @realjohngreen only has a bust. and since poe was a guy, his bust is miniscule.

15. @calliebeth The Bible as a collection of written works was entirely authored by @maureenjohnson. This explains the immense popularity

16. @granbookpub Every fall @maureenjohnson stops writing & tweeting for 2 days straight to try for tickets to Oprah's Favorite Things! She's not giving up!

17. @digitalcable @maureenjohnson was once on "Cops" 3 times in the same episode; cocaine is a hell of a drug.

18. @firecracker704 @maureenjohnson is the hooker that beat up Vince.

19. @MasonWinsauer @maureenjohnson has been determined to be the cure of 99.6% of the worlds ailments. However, she is too highly volatile to mine safely.

20. @NinjaFanpire On her birthday, @maureenjohnson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

21. @SpinachPuffs Prior to becoming an author, @maureenjohnson auditioned for a part in the Lord of the Rings movies. She was in the top 3 choices for Gimli!

22. @WordsLikeRoses @maureenjohnson has taken all her followers souls and sewed them into curtains. Tough luck for us.

23. @worldgirl84 In the original line-up of the Spice Girls @maureenjohnson was going to be Creepy Spice

24. @rhondastapleton @maureenjohnson invented the Internet, tight-fitting chinos, the color yellow, and the concept of leap year.

25. @jrg1990: @maureenjohnson steals plot from @realjohngreen! Read all about it!


YOU have spoken, and while the competition was FIERCE, #25 emerges as THE LIAR IDOL. All hail!

* I am interested in lies out of artistic curiosity. Justine is interested in lies because she has no morals.

Labels: , ,


Blogger jrg1990 said...

Gotta be Jrg1990's one. Then again thats because I invented it...

9:08 PM  
Blogger Laura said...


Just check out the creativity!

9:09 PM  
Blogger Hannah said...

I vote for #3. However I would have voted for the mordor one had it made the cut.

9:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #25, @jrg1990 for taking the time to document the story for all of us.
- Patty

9:14 PM  
Blogger Matt Beaty said...

#15. I have always wondered why the bible was so damn popular. Now I know.

9:16 PM  
Blogger Kaylin said...

I vote for @jrg1990

9:16 PM  
Blogger Chipmunk2011 said...

I vote for @jrg1990

although if my klondike bar one had made it i would have voted for that but i digress...

9:21 PM  
Blogger poodle649 said...


9:25 PM  
Anonymous katiem said...

#10 please!

9:25 PM  
Blogger Susie said...

I vote for #25, @jrg1990!

9:25 PM  
Blogger Missy said...

#4. hahaha. xD

9:27 PM  
Blogger Giles said...

I vote for 3. @JayOrDan23In's one. :D

9:30 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

#11 or #20. i'm sorry i couldn't decide!

my vote can be a tiebreaker.

9:31 PM  
Anonymous Susie said...

I vote for number 2!

9:31 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I vote for #1 @NinjaFanpire

9:32 PM  
Blogger Shelly Quade said...

I vote for #7 - creativemachine - b/c it made me laugh the most. Poor Chuck Norris.

9:32 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

I vote for #25

9:33 PM  
Blogger Rena said...

Oh this is hard! If I must choose, I vote for #14.

9:33 PM  
Blogger Sue said...

#8 is my favorite

9:33 PM  
Blogger Dave said...

I vote for #6, which is me. Am I allowed to vote for me? If not I go for #19, but i'd rather vote for me.

9:34 PM  
Blogger gem said...

@sophienotemily !!!! That one cracked me up.

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #20! However #5 wouldn't surprise me... :D

9:36 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

I vote #3. That guy is so cool.

9:36 PM  
Blogger Maggie FTW said...

My vote goes to #20. I actually LOLed on that one.

9:38 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

I vote for #25, jrg1990.

9:39 PM  
Blogger TheKnittingViolinist said...

Gotta be #20!!!

9:40 PM  
Blogger ThatAmbergirl said...

#6 OSUBrit has my vote.
He's one of my favorite residents of Britainland!

9:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote #25 love the accompanying link!
@DelynnB (gwendelynn)

9:40 PM  
Blogger Maria said...

I vote for #2!

9:41 PM  
Blogger Melanie said...

#7- Because it's probably true.

9:43 PM  
Anonymous Kristin said...

lol so many of them are great! My favorites are #7, #20 and #25...

But my final vote is............. #20! :)


9:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#18 @firecracker704
I found it hilarious.

-Sierra (CrayolaaWonderr)

9:45 PM  
Blogger Becky Jean said...

#7 @creativemachine's Made me giggle so much!!

9:47 PM  
Blogger tumble said...

#14, @lunar321 -- witty! and with the whole YAauthorfeud thing.

9:48 PM  
Blogger Aria said...

I vote for 2. @susie130 !

9:49 PM  
Blogger Jordan said...

After reviewing the rules and finding that I, and I alone, have in fact TWO VOTES, I'd like to cast my second vote for #20, which I wish I had written.

9:49 PM  
Blogger holeysaintgeorge said...

#1 @NinjaFanpire!

9:50 PM  
Blogger sam0nella said...

I vote for 23!

9:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#6 Osubrit. Because, he's British.

And I mean honestly that's the best lie anyways. =D

9:52 PM  
Blogger Jim said...

if #8 were true, I would buy an iPhone.

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Allie C said...

#3 by @JayOrDan23In Is clearly Superior

9:53 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I vote for #6, @OSUBrit.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Meghan said...

I vote for #20.

9:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#10 @jingoro

9:58 PM  
Blogger saradod said...

I'm going to have to choose #6 by my good friend @OSUBrit.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Court said...

#2 by @susie130

10:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, those were all hilarious, but I gotta say, #1, Ninjafanpire


10:07 PM  
Blogger tigressflowers said...

I vote for #7

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Totally voting for jrg1990 coz that one is hysterical

~ Erna

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, my! I love #22, but I think I'm going to cast my vote for #19 by @Mason Winsauer.
-Emily :-)

10:10 PM  
Anonymous hmph. said...

19 19 19!

10:10 PM  
Anonymous Joe said...

I vote for #4

10:12 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

#20 FTW! Mainly because we have the same birthday...

10:14 PM  
Blogger Kelly Merrill said...

I vote for #2 @susie130

10:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


10:17 PM  
Blogger Katy said...

How am I ever going to win an ARC when I have no creativity at all? Sad.
I'm voting for #1 though :]

10:19 PM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

#13! Hahaha.

10:19 PM  
Anonymous Lysh said...

I vote for jrg1990. Went the extra mile and made a fake Sun cover.

10:20 PM  
Anonymous The Ninja said...


10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #25 because it made me laugh - Ash

10:28 PM  
Anonymous tamsin-Emillie said...

#16 definatley!
Though actually they were all pretty funny, I liked the mortal combat one too =P

10:28 PM  
Blogger SlytherinSweetie said...

Er, this is hard. I really like #22and #7
Buuuuuuuut....I'm gonna have to go for #20
he he. So funny.

10:29 PM  
Blogger itokro said...

Number 4! (We can vote for ourselves, right?)

10:30 PM  
Blogger Sydney Swift said...

#20. the only one that made me laugh so hard i snorted.

10:32 PM  
Anonymous Jennifer said...


10:35 PM  
Blogger Nosidam said...

#4 has my vote

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Marci said...

I agree. #10 all the way.

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Cassandra said...

I vote for 3. @JayOrDan23In the event of a water landing, @maureenjohnson can also be used a flotation device.

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#4 or #25

10:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While all were funny, this is the only one that actually made me laugh out loud. And for a long time, repeating it.

20. @NinjaFanpire On her birthday, @maureenjohnson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

My vote IN

10:43 PM  
Blogger SMTree said...

#1 is awesome.


10:46 PM  
Blogger Callidora said...

Has to be number 25 @jrg1990. Can't wait to see who wins!

10:47 PM  
Anonymous Katelyn said...


10:49 PM  
Blogger Pedro said...

I vote for #25, jrg1990!

10:50 PM  
Blogger Bridget said...

@WordsLikeRoses #22 because I've been wondering where my soul went.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

#2! #2! #2!

And not JUST because she's my friend and totally awesome and a huge MJ fangirl and TOTALLY DESERVES IT! ;)

10:56 PM  
Blogger Nerd said...

my vote is for OSUBrit

11:01 PM  
Blogger Allie said...

I vote #25, @jrg1990

11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #24


11:05 PM  
Blogger Chelsea said...

I had a hard time choosing between 3 and 20.

I'll go with 3. I always wondered why you were afraid of water, but now I know.

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #25 @jrg1990.

11:19 PM  
Blogger the_who_ru said...


11:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #16 just to see maureen take over the show from ophra.

11:24 PM  
Blogger notemily said...

Voting for myself - #8!

11:29 PM  
Blogger Marissa McPants said...

@jrg1990 FTW. =]

11:31 PM  
Blogger Emily said...

20. @NinjaFanpire On her birthday, @maureenjohnson randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Foshiz. Mostly because it's the most plausible.

11:32 PM  
Anonymous wintrygrave said...

I vote #25.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Travis said...

As an Oklahoma Sooner, I'm still going to vote for #6, OSUBrit.

11:33 PM  
Blogger Vita said...


It made me laugh the most. (Although I'm not so sure it's a lie.) :D

11:35 PM  
Blogger Anna Nymity said...

Jayordan! Jayordan!!

11:35 PM  
Blogger dozzzier said...

I vote #20, though I seriously doubt it's a lie.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Belinda said...

I vote for #3

11:38 PM  
Blogger AshleyKay said...

My vote is for #20
It made me laugh the most.

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Veronica said...

#8 fo shizzle

11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE #20


11:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


'cause it made me laugh out the loudest :p :D


11:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#25 =)

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

4. @itokro The Pope reads @maureenjohnson, and broke his wrist trying to re-create a Spencer stunt.

#4 was the most creative

Nick Name: geebee123

11:47 PM  
Blogger leonore said...

Lie number three FTW!

11:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gotta be jrg1990 #25


11:53 PM  
Blogger Andrés said...

@itokro number 4!

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote #25


11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Definitely jrg1990.


11:55 PM  
Anonymous Ana said...

#7 =]

11:55 PM  
Anonymous Cristina said...


11:57 PM  
Anonymous DigitalCable said...

I vote for #17

however I liked 20 and 14 alot, you guys are hilarious.

11:58 PM  
Blogger Kate said...


12:03 AM  
Anonymous lisa said...

#23, even though I'm reasonably sure that one's TRUTH.

12:05 AM  
Blogger celi.a said...

LOVE #1. And #5. But #1 gets my vote. Heck, all of them are good.

12:05 AM  
Blogger Nat said...

I vote for #20 :D

12:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote #19. Although most of them made me LOL and it was very hard to choose.


12:10 AM  
Blogger Catharine said...


12:11 AM  
Blogger SpinachPuffs said...

My vote goes to #20 (even though I'm #21 - I have to give credit where credit is due)

12:15 AM  
Blogger Gina said...

I vote for #8

12:22 AM  
Blogger JaneMarple9 said...

Number #25 for me

12:23 AM  
Anonymous Samuel said...


12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rachel D. voted #20 (@NinjaFanpire)!!!

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Vallia said...

I vote 6 and 25 which is probably winning anyway. but they are both good lies- reliably untrustworthy enough to sound real.

12:32 AM  
Anonymous Leah said...


12:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#11 alll the way. :D

12:34 AM  
Anonymous lunar321 said...


i win i win i win!


12:35 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

If we can vote for ourselves, then #5, otherwise my vote is #7

wish I had woken up earlier to campaign for votes b4 my friend.

12:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't be bothered to check if the time is alright. This better still be open. Stupid screwy time differences.


I'm a sucker for a Chuck Norris gag.

12:39 AM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Definitely #1.

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Nihima said...

I vote number 25 '@jrg1990'

12:42 AM  
Anonymous Cadwaladr said...

I vote for number 13.

12:46 AM  
Blogger Trevor Smith said...

@NinjaFanpire's made me laugh the hardest, so he/she gets my vote.


12:47 AM  
Blogger librarian pirate said...

#10! Totally #10.

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #2 because Susie is awesome!

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My favorite is #1.

12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



12:50 AM  
Blogger Valerie said...

My vote's for #7 because anything with Chuck Norris in it is hilarious.

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Jemma!! said...


12:52 AM  
Blogger Penelope Lolohea said...

Okay, these had me laughing my head off! Number seven is awesome...gotta love Chuck Norris. Number twenty is hilarious. But I think I have to go with number One. :)

12:54 AM  
Blogger Anna said...

I vote for:

4. @itokro The Pope reads @maureenjohnson, and broke his wrist trying to re-create a Spencer stunt.

I was wondering what the Pope did!

12:55 AM  
Blogger Christina Hicks said...

definitely @rhondastapleton!

12:58 AM  
Anonymous Shakespeare said...

#7 FTW! However we all know that checking under the bed for MJ is pointless as she has her very own secret invisibility cloak.

1:01 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

jrg1990's I like that there's actually a whole fake newspaper article on the subject too. Pretty good on originality, too.

1:02 AM  
Blogger Alysa said...

I vote number 8; there's an app for that!

1:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #20! :D - Alex

1:02 AM  
Blogger Casey McCormick said...


1:05 AM  
Anonymous rachaelwhale said...


1:10 AM  
Anonymous Natty said...

I vote for #4.

1:11 AM  
Anonymous Molly E. said...

I vote #1... not because I'm a lazy reader, but because I'm a fan of WINNERS.

1:12 AM  
Anonymous Mary said...

I vote for number one!

1:15 AM  
Blogger thephotoman said...

It looks like 25 is going to win, but I vote for 10, simply because it's believable.

1:18 AM  
Blogger Amy said...

#11 !!! lmao - after reading through all of them like five times, #11 is the only one that I still can't stop laughing about!

1:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#25!!!! WOOO!! Go #25!


1:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#25 - Loved the newspaper mockup


1:24 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

25. :D I heart it. I heart it a lot.

1:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#25 - Loved the newspaper mockup


1:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I vote for #7. -Alana

1:31 AM  
Blogger Korianne said...

I vote for 22 because I pictured Maureen creepily sewing up all of our souls and cackling about it like the wicked witch. Muah ha ha!

1:35 AM  
Blogger Danielle D. said...

24. @rhondastapleton @maureenjohnson invented the Internet, tight-fitting chinos, the color yellow, and the concept of leap year.

1:41 AM  
Blogger The Blazing Snow said...

Number 7's just unrealistic. We all know Chuck Norris never checks. Ever.

2:24 AM  
Blogger Louise said...


2:38 AM  
Blogger lightforms said...

The as-trick made me laugh. as does spell check options and #12.

2:38 AM  
Blogger Ninja Fanpire said...

However, it is MAUREEN who is the true liar! Since on her Twitter, she stated #2 as FACT!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Rhonda Stapleton said...

HAHAHA awesome contest. I missed voting! I would, of course, have chosen mine (#24), hahaha, but I admit that #20 made me snort so hard my nose now hurts.

These were all awesome. You had some great entries!

6:38 PM  
Blogger Morgan said...

i vote for number 11

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I was supposed to be Posh Spice, but Victoria Beckham locked me in a closet the day of final call backs and totally stole my spot. I'm quite bitter about it, actually.

-Hannah (the REAL Posh Spice)

6:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#7, hands down.


7:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

#7. definitely

12:04 PM  

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