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Thursday, October 23, 2008

A TYPICAL DAY IN THE LIFE OF A FABULOUS AUTHOR

In reading through the comments on my last post, I saw this:

anonymous said...
Maureen -- I was wondering how you get to be just an author (with no day job) who lives a fabulous life between NYC and London?? Economic crisis aside, don't you have to be JK Rowling to do that? Is it all because of money from your books, or is it also because of speaking visits and stuff like that? I'd really love to know...since my dream in life is to be a full time writer!!!


Well, anonymous, be careful what you wish for! Let me tell you about a typical day of working on my new book, Scarlett Fever.

7:30: Wake. Do yogic finger exercises to prepare for the day’s writing. Shower, dress.

8:00: Breakfast of Coco Puffs and Juicy Juice at desk while answering e-mails and reading news.

8:27: Examine board of perfectly organized story notes. Congratulate self on way that book never gets off track in any way. Writing process is like well-oiled machine.

8:33: Have second helping of Coco Puffs and Juicy Juice as way of recognizing own achievements, as loving yourself is very important psychologically.

8:57: Realize have been Googling “dog on surfboard” images for some time. Cannot remember why, as dogs on surfboards have no role in book.

8:58: Roll up sleeves, get to writing.

8:59-9:22: Writing.

9:23: Finish off Coco Puffs. There were just a few left. Easier just to eat them.

9:50-10:21: Writing.

10:22: Official mj magician gets in touch with new trick developed for Let It Snow:



10:27-11:01: Writing.

11:02 AM: Angelina Jolie on phone. Question: “Do my lips look big in this picture?” Answer: “Yes.” I assume that she will take this as a compliment, as everyone loves her big lips, but she does not. I panic a bit and ad-lib: “Know what would make them look smaller? Adopting another baby.” This does not go down as hoped. She hangs up. She is very sensitive.

11:03-11:26: Writing

11:27: Emergency phone meeting with creators of Doctor Who. They are stuck on a scene and need my help. They haven’t even started explaining the plot of the episode when I am struck with the answer: “The bad aliens all have pets that look like rabbits, but it turns out the rabbits are actually in charge and the aliens are slaves. The Doctor frees the aliens through carrot-trickery and sends the evil rabbits back to their home planet. Make jokes about Easter Eggs. More TARDIS.” I hear someone say, “Genius!” but pretend I do not, as acknowledging this is bad form. In background, David Tennant realizes I am on phone and tried to run over in time, but I hang up. Have lost seven minutes of precious writing time. But if it gets them through the episode, it was worth it.

11:33: Peanut butter snack.

11:40-11:56: Writing.

11:57: Angelina Jolie on phone again. Apologizes for hanging up earlier. Wants to know if I was serious about the adopting a child as a way of reducing perceived lip size thing. I say no. She says that is what she thought. Obviously needs affirmation about her lips, so I tell her they are great, like two flesh-pillows on a bed of perfect skin. Realize too late that this is creepy, but she does not seem to mind. Remember that Angelina is herself kind of creepy, what with the collecting knives and wearing former husband’s blood around neck in jar. Brad says hi in background.

11:58-12:14: Writing.

12:15 PM: Leave for lunch meeting with creators of High School Musical. Think this is just friendly lunch, but they are soon pumping for ideas for the fourth movie in not so subtle way by asking questions like, “What rhymes with prom?” and “Do you want to play a game? It’s called, “Fill in the blank lines in this script!”” Excuse myself and leave after appetizers. Cannot believe they are so undignified. Flip over table as I go and throw breadbasket at one producer’s head for good measure.

1:02: Peanut butter snack, this time while squatting under footbridge in Central Park to keep it real.

1:24: Write four pages in my “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.” Strictly private.

1:32-2:14: Writing. (Of book.)

2:15: Off to some committee meeting. Not even sure for what. I am on so many, I cannot keep track. Something about giving swans to orphans. Or bears. Not giving bears to orphans (or the other way around, LOL!), just bears. Actually, I think was about giving books . . . to someone. Possibly swans, bears, or orphans. In any case, this is the kind of thing I support wholeheartedly so write check for a cool ten grand and get my afternoon back to get some more writing done.

2:46-3:05: Writing.

3:06: Cheese snack.

3:12: Off to a theater downtown to consult on a production of Woyzeck, the classic German tragedy in 29 scenes first produced in 1879. I am somewhat out of ideas at this point, having exhausted most of them in my “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” but try to bluff my way through by suggesting all-ABBA soundtrack, focusing on the heart-wrenching “One of Us.” Point them to the strangely compelling video that is based entirely on Agnetha taking things out of boxes, putting things on shelves, and hanging wallpaper. Leave through back while they are watching video on Youtube, but can tell that they like it.

3:57: While leaving theater through back door, spot J.K. Rowling lingering across street. Get in cab to make escape and almost succeed, but am spotted at last moment. She gets in cab to chase me.

3:58-4:11: Cab chase through Manhattan.

4:12: Shake her loose in traffic. Have cab take me to Scott Westerfeld and Justine Larbalestier’s house. Once there, continue writing in safety, after reflecting on experience in “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.”

4:55: Am just cracking a difficult scene in book when phone rings. Angelina Jolie AGAIN. Am seriously regretting ever giving her my number, assigning her that “My Humps” ringtone. Ignore.

4:57: FIVE VOICEMAILS??? Angelina does not get that writers need quiet time to think. Also, do not understand how she has so much time to call me while maintaining status as world’s sexiest woman and top movie star while raising six small children and Brad Pitt. When “My Humps” plays again, throw phone out window. Wanted new model iPhone anyway.

4:58: Justine wants to know why I am throwing phones out of her window. Explain Angelina Jolie, big lips, “My Humps” situation. Justine chastises me for associating with Hollywood types. Says I am not keeping it real. Assure her I am, show her reflections I recorded earlier in “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” while squatting under footbridge (will occasionally show small portions to certain people). Justine takes statement back, gives me cheese snack.

5:15: Leave for disco lesson.



6:17: Have just enough time to get to cocktails at the Famous Authors Club. Everyone is there. Too many names to list. Would sound like namedropping.

6:48: Libba Bray wants to know why J.K. Rowling has been calling her from my phone. Says all she did was some deep breathing, shout “I WROTE HARRY POTTER,” and hang up. Find out that this has been happening to EVERYONE in the last hour! J.K. Rowling found my phone! Disaster, disaster, disaster.

7:14: Emergency appointment at Genius Bar at Fifth Avenue Apple Store. Explain Angelina Jolie/lips/”My Humps”/J.K.Rowling situation. Genius explains that there is nothing Apple can do if I throw my phone out of a window into the waiting hands of the world’s best-selling author. I tell Genius that it is bad form to go around calling himself that. Purchase new iPhone, but not without a certain amount of indignation.

7:28: Glumly eat candy snack at candy counter of F.A.O Schwartz toy store while reprogramming new iPhone. Regret the way I treated the Apple Genius. Purchase him a four foot high stuffed giraffe as apology, but find when I go back to the store that he has gone home for the day.

7:49: Walk to literary landmark Algonquin Hotel with four foot high stuffed giraffe for second cocktail party of the night. Am refused entry, not because of giraffe, but because of calls made from my phone.

7:51: Very traumatic session with “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” at Times Square Olive Garden, alone with endless breadsticks, salad, and pasta bowl.

8:27: Cancellation of old number/processing of new number complete. Immediately get 19 angry voice mails. Fast forward through most of them, pausing only to listen to the one about how I gave ten thousand dollars to an organization that forces orphans to make books about swans for bears. Wonder how this organization could ever come into existence and how I managed to join it. Last message is from Doctor Who people telling me that my idea has resulted in David Tennant being rushed to hospital after suffering a serious and never-before-experienced allergy attack while holding a rabbit. Angelina seems undeterred. Day looking to be total failure.

9:03: Back on street with giraffe, now called Barney, slogging along under bright lights of Broadway.

9:23: Stop at Starbucks to regroup. Decide to pour today’s experiences in Scarlett Fever instead of putting them into “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal.” Write like a crazy person, ignoring ringing phone, stares of other customers. Am in the world of the characters now, running around the Hopewell Hotel with Scarlett and Spencer and Lola and Marlene.

11:00: Thrown out of Starbucks. Have written an entire chapter. Feel good about this. Get in cab with Barney. Listen to messages. Have been forgiven by other Famous Authors, asked to come back to the club. Also, David Tennant, though gravely ill, has given a hopeful thumbs up.

11:12: Direct cab driver to secret disco club, where they only play ABBA. Cast of Woyzeck is there. Disco dancing until dawn. Well, 12:15. Tomorrow’s a work day!

I hope this helps provide some perspective. If you have any other writing questions, leave them below!

Labels: , ,

53 Comments:

Blogger Amy said...

Completely off topic, but I noticed a cover for Scarlett Fever on Daphne's website. Can you tell us anything about that?

Now on topic. Does writing in short bursts help?

8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. What adventures you have, mj!
I really don't even know what to say. Guess what? Today is my birthday!!! Hooray!

Guess what else? I don't know if anyone has seen the Lion King on Broadway or not, but I just did tonight and my life is complete. Sigh.

That is all.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow,busey day, i think i recieved one of thoses phone calls :P





kahla and I are comming to NY in july, where we will take part in the "Author Hunt: New York addition" (the new name of the game). lol

9:04 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

You almost killed David Tennant! Wahhhhh. = (. At least he'll be ok. I was worried there for a second.

Sounds like an average boring day to me! ; )

9:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hanging with Scott and Justine, oddly long twenty-two minute peanut-butter snacks AND sorting out incomplete German texts with 29 scenes, a few drafts and No Particular Order! Wow, sounds like my kind of day!

Maybe I should become an author!

9:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hm. If that's how it is, I'm changing my major to Accounting.

9:27 AM  
Blogger B. said...

Only because you brought it up: on Monday, I forgot to take my house keys and got locked out of the house after doing the morning carpool at 7:20 am and ended up spending the morning, in my pj's and no shower, wandering around Fairy Tale Town with very short children (thankfully with the ipod on). Upon leaving Fairy Tale Town, I was waiting at the light behind someone with the license plate of JKRowlng (or something to that effect, I was under a haze of wooziness). Passing the car, I was surprised to see that the driver was a large, slightly balding heavy set fellow, with his blue tooth and a cheerful grin. I don't really try to understand my days, but maybe you can explain this one to me.

9:32 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

This life sounds mega-exciting. If only I lived near a secret underground disco club. I guess I could start my own, but that would mean I couldn't devote time to the whole author-malarky.

Are you doing NaNoWriMo or some authorly version of it this November?

12:52 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

My typical day is identical to your peanut butter snack times (which have been more like peanut butter chocolate paninis lately)

5:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait, you could win "Find David Tennant," and you aren't even trying? At least help us out!

If this is what being a fabulous author is like, then I definitely want to do it. But watch out, because I gave $10,001 to the organization that forces orphans to make books about swans for bears. They might like me better now.

Your “Magick Dreams Sticker Journal” intrigues me. Is this where you come up with all of your brilliant ideas?

5:16 PM  
Blogger Jessie Carty said...

wow, that sounds just like my writing poetry day except i also sometimes shower :)

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How long is a typed book on a word processor in comparison to an actual novel?

7:39 PM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

Hey Maureen! I finished Let it Snow...and it was fabulos. I put holiday music on my ipod as soon as I finished.

Anyway my question is: I'm in a Creative Writing class now and they're make us write a short story which is all good and fun except it has to be LITERARY fiction. I'm the type that's all about the genre fiction. I'm also the type that hates categorizing fiction, if I want to write something can't I just write about it!?!?!?! Going back and looking at your old posts I regret deciding to become a Creative Writing major and regret finding your advice too late. But I graduate in June. Do you I can recitify this mistake by going to Graduate school for international studies or something? I still want to be a writin but I hate all these RULES. Le sigh. So what is your opinion on ANY of this? Or even on Literary fiction. Do you despise writing as much as I do or does it hold a warm place in your heart?

10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah, well THAT explains it! Thanks for the insight! Who wouldn't want to be a famous author then??

But seriously, how can you AFFORD it?? Four foot high giraffes and iphones are expensive, and usually only purchased by people like your buddies Angelina and JK!

10:58 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Do you have David Tennant's phone number? Would you give it to me? :-P

12:00 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

My days are exactly like yours MJ, except I don't live in NYC. Other than that, my days are EXACTLY like you described yours...EXACTLY.

12:16 AM  
Blogger Khy said...

MJ, I think my scary English teacher loves ABBA. Today in class he was explaining the rhyme scheme of a petrarchan (I spelled that wrong.) sonnet, which is: abbaabbacdecde (except it goes vertical and whatnot.) And after he said what the scheme was, he said: "An easy way to remember this is if you imagine the ABBA has gotten back to together and they are going on tour. You call your ABBA-loving friend and say 'ABBA ABBA! CODE RED CODE RED! Hurry and get the tickets!'"

Yea, it was kind of weird. But funny. I think he has a secret ABBA obsession.

1:56 AM  
Blogger ROSIE!!!!!!!!! said...

Whoa, that sounds fun! Say hi to barney the giraffe for me! Also, in the video why is Agnetha doing all the work? I mean you think frida would help her out a tibit.

2:04 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I wasn't having a great afternoon, but I stopped by your blog hoping for a new post, and Wow. Bad day made better. Note to Self: Don't read mj's blog somewhere near other people, tend to get strange looks for gargle-ish noise that comes from strangling my hysterical laughter. I died in a fit of giggles about the time of "heavy breathing, 'I WROTE HARRY POTTER!'"

2:14 AM  
Blogger Reese said...

OH yes!

We understand perfectly now!

3:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, random question that I really hope you'll answer. Have you seen the movie Clue, and if so, what do you think about it? (It is my favorite movie, so if you hate it, please be nice about it. I don't think you would hate it, but you never know.) Can we play find Tim Curry? I would play that game...

4:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Khyrinthia--

That is so weird! We just learned about the Petrarchan sonnet a few days ago, and my teacher mentioned ABBA as well! Sadly, there was no code rode in our version though. :)

5:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And suddenly, I understand the writing process! Ah, MJ, you never cease to make my day...

6:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a question. Or... Five. Ten. .....I have question(s):

When did you start writing? Have you always enjoyed writing stories, or did you origionally make up stories in your head, then one day decide to start writing all of them down? Do you remember what your earliest stories were about? Do you enjoy writing story stuff down by hand or on a computer?What is the meaning of life?

Whoops, didn't mean to include that last one. Don't worry about answering that. I'm just curious about writing, not trivial things like the Meaning of Life.


:)

6:11 AM  
Blogger Sarah Woodard said...

Wow, I wish I had that life.

9:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As amusing as your recount was, it didn't really answer the question at hand.

...

XD

12:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, as previously asked, does writing in short bursts help? Because I must say, LET IT SNOW is absolutely amazing so far [I am only on Chapter 3]. I personally like Beaker the bird. As do all of my friends. :) Oh- and when you write a book, do you plan everything out? Like the whole plot and every character and the character's name/background/family ties etc? Or do you only have rough sketches of what should happen by the end of the book? Any other relevant answers would be appreciated!

Your day sounds quite interesting. However, I must say I would rather sit through Bio than have JK be calling all of my friends from my phone and yelling that SHE WROTE HARRY POTTER.

*Emilee

12:56 AM  
Blogger Zara said...

Thanks, MJ...now we ALL understand what YA writers do all day!

2:30 AM  
Blogger Nadia Murti said...

Um....Wow...? Never knew Angelina Jolie could be so sensitive or how creepy/stalker-y JK Rowling is. Lol.

I think you officially have one of the most exciting lives of the century.

4:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish I could have that kind of day, so adventurous. Those disco lessons look like a lot of fun, but does it help writing in short increments of time?

And do you run to the grocery store every other day to get coccoa puffs or what? It sounded like you ate half a box that day.

6:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, goodness, I know how this feels. Unfortunately, my day ended on a sour note because my usual disco club was not playing the classics of ABBA, but instead insisted on playing French rap. While, yes, French rap is the absolute best kind of rap, all of my disco lessons cannot be put to good use to these disconnected beats without many a laugh at my expense.
All we can do keep trying, Maureen.

6:28 AM  
Blogger Khy said...

Alright Maureen, I've a question: Can you tell us anything about your story in the VACATIONS FROM HELL anthology? I literally just found out that you've a story in it.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Courtney said...

I finished Let It Snow today, and I was wondering how you three came up with the idea, and how you decided who wrote what and how they would all be connected and such. Oh, and I love Jubilee and Stuart. So adorable.

7:49 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Ah, thank you for that insight on your fascinating life. I am sorry you have to deal with JK and her stalking. It sounds like it would be rather tough.
This is my first time commenting even though I found your blog a while ago. It made me rather sad that the first entry I read was the last time you were giving away the Suite Scarletts. Sad sad.
I love your books and your blog by the way.

8:51 AM  
Blogger Rebecca said...

Perhaps I should rethink my career choices....

I haz question, but it's not really writing related. Why did you become a vegetarian?

10:34 AM  
Blogger Leah said...

Thank you very much for this post. I have now learned never to give Angelina Jolie my phone number, because she'll annoy me to no end and JK Rowling will end up with my phone. And that thought scares me.

2:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ms. MJ, I have a question.

I have a love-hate relationship with outlining. When I outline too much, I lose interest in the story, and when I don't outline enough, the story fizzles because there isn't enough planned out.

Any suggestions/tips? What would you do in my situation?

6:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

About the katy perry thing, i listen to dragonforce.... and other bands, I LOVE katy perry's music

9:06 PM  
Blogger Khy said...

Since my last question had nothing to do with actual writing, I have a writing question: How the heck do you stay with an outline? I've tried it before but strayed away from the outline. How do I control myself and follow my plot?

10:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my school is doing woyzeck this winter!

12:29 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

MJMJMJ.

I have never commented before, but I read your blog everytime you post.

Please tell your readers about this video (not made by me, I can't take credit):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlVUXLBJg14

1:06 AM  
Blogger Callidora said...

WOW! You have a pretty exciting life, Maureen. The only thing I do not understand is why did you run from J.K. Rowling? Oh well, I guess we are all weird in our own ways! Hope today was just as exciting :o)

2:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm listening to ABBA way too loud right now! I just thought you should know.

7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hm, sounds like a blast.

I'm going to ba a librarian... I hope their lives are just as action-packed.

10:40 PM  
Blogger hannah said...

i really enjoy your blogs and they make me laugh. i also love Suite Scarlett and am absolutely thrilled about the second book. i have a question not on writing but on dico dancing, what do you wear when dancing the style of dico?

10:43 PM  
Blogger Arnold Friend said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I used this blog entry to convince my creative writing teacher that I am not the only one who has been getting annoying calls from Angelina Jolie. (Which is why I am still in the "idea" process of what is supposed to be an award-winning, well just Indianapolis award-winning, play)

11:44 PM  
Blogger angela said...

I love this blogpost.LOVE IT.

1:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you noticed that Lauren Myracle has dared you? I don't know how you're gonna accomplish it, seeing as how you are afraid of everything. Maybe you should touch a jellyfish?

1:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I loved Let It Snow, and I gotta say, I liked your story the most. Here's a question: In Lauren Myracle's story, there's dialogue from Stuart and Jubilee and some of John's characters... Did you guys get to write that dialogue, or did Lauren make it up? Another Let It Snow question: How is writing a novella different than writing a novel? Is it easier or harder? More fun or less fun? (This question is less important than the first one, which I really want answered...)

5:41 AM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

Maureen I already asked a question but this one NEEDS to be adressed.
I met John Green tonight. I told him Let it Snow was fantastic and I absolutely love it. He signed the book under his name THEN HE CROSSED OUR YOUR NAME!?!?!?! Haha. How does this make you feel?????

EVIDENCE OF THE CIME:
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.editAlbumPhoto&albumID=81028&imageID=46787560&MyToken=c9ef302e-2088-4828-be45-3fd5fa275a1a

I said "But I love Maureen!"
He said "I do too but she'd do the same to me!"

Would you do the same to him Maureen? Would you?

-Holly

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMGGGGG
The disco lesson video made me laugh so hard!!!!!!

THAT WAS BLOODY HILLARIOUS

10:18 AM  
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