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Thursday, October 30, 2008


So the other day, Lauren Myracle writes to me and says, “I CHALLENGE YOU TO A HALLOWEEN SCARE-A-THON.”

And I was all, “Okay! I’ll do it! Also, what is that?”

Because I will often say I will do things long before I ever have the slightest idea what they are. I find that this keeps things interesting.

So she explained that she is challenging 13 authors (me, Meg Cabot, Scott Westerfeld, Libba Bray, Holly Black, M.T. Anderson, Melissa De La Cruz, Cassie Clare, Shannon Hale, Kirsten Miller, John Green, Sarah Mlynowski, and Stephenie Meyer) to do something that REALLY SCARES US by the Halloween. This thing must be recorded, either in blog or video format, for the world to see.

So I thought I had this one in the bag. Not that it is a competition . . . but I was still SO GOING TO WIN. I was going to win this in the same way that I used to say I was going to WIN several plays I was in by saying all my lines fastest and knocking over the other actors until I achieved VICTORY!

You can see why I thought this, I am sure. If you’ve read this blog ever, even once, you know that the one thing I have covered is fear. I have made a celebration of my many fears. I list them. I cultivate them. I treat them like they are my very own precious children. Asking me to name one fear is like asking me to pluck one beautiful flower from a garden the size of Rhode Island.

But as I started working my way down the list, I realized that this was going to be a lot harder than I first imagined.

JELLYFISH: Jellyfish are pretty much my number one fear, and the one I am sure people would suggest. But it is actually pretty hard to find a jellyfish in New York City. It was suggested that I could find one at the Natural History Museum, but a dead, stuffed jellyfish in a glass case does not alarm me. If anything, it convinces me that we are winning against them.

No, my fear is of the jellyfish in the wild, sneaking up on you, alone or in a gang, while you swim. I could go to the beach, but it is kind of freezing out, and I’ll bet you I don’t even SEE a jellyfish there. I would probably have to go to Australia or something to see a jellyfish, and I am not going to be able to do that by Friday.

AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES: Roller coasters, turny-turny things, spinny things, upside-downy things, ferris wheels . . . I hate ‘em! (With the exception of the tilt-a-whirl, which for some reason, I like. But it must be a genuine tilt-a-whirl.) I am the person who never wants to go to the annual “street fair of death” in my neighborhood, with it its questionable, rickety rides designed to thin out the population, one carnival ticket at a time.

(Oh, they don’t CALL it the “street fair of death.” They call it a fun fair. That’s exactly what they called that festival of bad ideas I went to in the Midwest, where the biggest attraction was a crane manned by two fourteen year old guys—the one that had a cardboard sign that said, “crane rides $5” and when you gave them the $5 they would hoist you up and swing you.)

But all the local amusement parks/street fairs of death are closed, as far as I know. Problem!

WATERSLIDES: My loathing of waterslides is profound. I can think of almost nothing worse then being flung down a dark, twisting tube filled with water until you are expectedly dumped into a larger pool of water. But again, it is cold, and they are closed.

You see what I mean. I kept working my way down the list. Wasps, butterflies that go right for your face, the coming explosion of the sun . . . there was no way I could directly confront these things. In several cases, I found that I had already confronted fears. Like my fear of swimming with/touching tiny, colorful tropical fish. I committed this act of madness in Aruba a few months ago.

Even more annoying . . . I don’t seem to be concerned by many things that scare other people to death. I love to fly. I even enjoy turbulence. I find a ride in a New York taxi cab going ninety miles an hour through heavy traffic and yellow lights healthy and enjoyable. I snoozed through horror movies like The Ring. Clowns are quite nice people. Spiders don’t particularly bother me. Snakes are okay. I downright ADORE zombies. (Why, nothing brings a smile to my face like that scene in Dawn of the Dead where all the zombies are trying to ice skate and use the mall escalators!)

I was starting to seem . . . kind of brave. Which was incredibly distressing. Because I KNOW I HAVE THE MOST FEAR.

I got more and more desperate. I even checked in with the New York Trapeze School, because that is definitely on my “no &#^$ing way” list. But they were all booked! And when I watched the little video, it didn’t even seem THAT scary. Al Roker did it. (I am not saying Al Roker is scared of everything. I’m just saying that things seem much less scary when you have seen Al Roker do them.)

What it essentially boiled down to were three kinds of things:

1. Things that I am afraid of for good reason: running into traffic, falling down elevator shafts, being shot at.

2. Things that I am definitely afraid of, but will not come up: being sent into space, being attacked by the Jonas Brothers, somebody making a sequel to the movie “Rat Race.”

3. Things I’m not so much scared of but just don’t feel like doing: getting a lip piercing, listening to two hours worth of recorded Robocalls, eating a large piece of government cheese, etc.

I was in a total panic, and then I remembered . . . I have you guys. And you guys are smart. You will know a scary thing. I need your help. It needs to be something scary and achievable by FRIDAY.

Your ideas will be featured, discussed, and celebrated . . . so make them good!

Leave your suggestions in the comments. If I use yours, you get a signed book OF YOUR CHOICE, Suite Scarlett or Let it Snow!

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, how's this: Go to a pond and feed some ducks. This is not scary (yet) ducks are cute. They just swim around eating the little pieces of bread you toss. But eventually The Geese will come. They pop up out of thin air. You didn't even know geese where at this pond, yet here they are diving down into the water at incredible speeds. You think it will be okay they only want the bread you threw in the water. WRONG! They are now slowly making their way up the bank. They do not want those puny pieces of bread. They want the whole loaf and you're hand while they're at it. No matter how much you try to scare them away they will not quit, they keep coming towards you. You are Goose Food.

Is that scary enough? It definatley terrified me when I was four. So much so that I now have a fear of all birds...

1:31 AM  
Anonymous C said...

Talking to an evangelizer in Times Square? They seem awfully scary to me when I walk past them with my head down praying they won't decide that I will be their disciple and yell that the world is INDEED coming to an end.

This could backfire.

I know the scary thing I'm doing this week is having a baby, but that requires more prep time than you currently have...and seems a bit extreme to win a contest ;)

1:39 AM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Are you scared of heights, there are certainly many tall things in New York City.
Or you could try not to listen to Abba for a whole day - that seems like it would be scary for you.

1:49 AM  
Anonymous Raelyn said...

what seems to be the problem here, mj, is that u are giving up a tad too soon. I say this with regards to the waterslides. waterslides DO NOT HAVE TO BE OUTDOORS. There are many EXCELLENT indoor ones. I have an especially enjoyable one near me that you cannot even sit up in. You MUST lay down. So you can add claustrophobia to the equation :) Surely to goodness there are SOME indoor waterslides in New York??? Best of luck :D

1:50 AM  
Blogger Crypt said...

I am the king of scary. However, most of my scary takes place amongst England's countryside.
So how about this:
Get into your apartment without using the stairs or elevator.
I am thinking fire escapes primarily, but use your imagination!

1:50 AM  
Anonymous sammi said...

eat cow toung. that would be horribly gross. and possibly scary. i mean, its a cows toung. ick!
have fun!!!

2:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mj you could beforced to watch 3 hrs of telletubbies that would scare me

2:37 AM  
Anonymous Lexi said...

You live in NYC, right? Well go to central park! There are plently of terrors in central park, like ducks, and squirrels.

Seriously. My mother was attacked by about 5 squirrels just walking through the park. And ducks. Mother ducks with baby ducks.

And then you have the option of Smurfs. Smurfs are small blue elves that dance on TV by day, then cone to hack you up with a rusty axe at night.

2:40 AM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Or you could invest your money in the Stock Market. That is scary

2:42 AM  
Blogger Kelly013 said...

Okay, most people know that there are no real dogs in NYC, there are just "Fire Hydrant Transfigurees." The fact is that 88.64% of the number of humans who touch THREE different fire hydrants in one day are transfigured into dogs. Do you feel lucky? Or are you SCARED that you are not one of the 11.36% who are immune? I hope you can adapt to using a mouse and keyboard with paws.

3:05 AM  
Anonymous Meaghan said...

How about a corn maze, I find it terrible that you are lost in something that is really tall and you have no idea what you are doing. Plus its cold, I always associate cold with corn mazes because the fact you can see your breath is pretty freaky.

Or go to TRL, its ending soon, spend a day with crazy fanatics who love so and so, hold up a sign and scream like crazy.

just ideas, there's a theme park in central CT if you get deperate, you can ride the Bolderdash or Zoomerage, the place is called Lake Compounce.

3:15 AM  
Anonymous Jessi said...

The scariest thing I can think of is being trapped in an RV or small room with a bunch of dead people and no one could hear ar see you in it. It would be really bloody and stuff and all creepy! It would be really bad if you were clausterfobic also. But wouldn't it suck if you thought you were out but you were really just imaging it and was still there! Sounds pretty scary to me.

3:15 AM  
Blogger BLACK.blood said...

You seem like the type of person that would be afraid of skydiving. Is it possible to find a skydiving place, take a morning class, and be falling through the air by Friday?

Are you afraid of commitment? Strange people you don't know? Making bad impressions? If you are any of those, you could walk around your city proposing to every random person you see. That would not only make you win the contest but their REACTIONS would be priceless!

You could try swimming in the pond at Central Park. This is both frowned upon by authority figures AND a sure fire way to confront ducks and other animals! Two birds with one stone!

Are you afraid of preforming in front of big crowds? Go to the busiest place in your city and preform an interpretive dance about jellyfish.

3:25 AM  
Anonymous mb said...

Personally I am afraid of making phone calls to necessary people such as plumbers or mechanics or refrigerator repair folk. Or anyone I don't actually know whose help I kind of need. I am always afraid they will laugh at me and say, "I don't fix toilets for YOUR kind." Or that I will get one of those automated menus that go on for half an hour and never have an option that is what I want.
Is there a phone call you especially fear?

3:57 AM  
Anonymous Ediquish said...

FEAR: That David Tennant will leave Doctor Who...

...HAS BEEN FACED: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7698200.stm


3:58 AM  
Blogger NightDrive said...

Well...if you dont like to be shot at(and dont want to get shot at by real guns) you could go paintballing. You dont need lessons and you can rent the gun at the paintball place.

I have never done this but then I havent had to face my fear of being shot at before. Haha.

Or you could go bungee jumping. (I would say sky diving but I think sky diving is awesome). Bungee jumping is less dangerous than base jumping and you are tied to something.

Either of those will do. XD

4:00 AM  
Blogger Hollishillis said...

Maureen, you should not use the internet for an entire 24 hours ( or just 12 if you're running out of time). Video tape each hour (except the ones when you are sleeping) and tell us how it feels, about your deprivation. Haha I would laugh so hard. Imagine hour 17 *Maureen sits in a corner craddling her juicy juice with a blanket around her as she looks around uncertaintly and whispers into the camera, "It's like the apocalypse"*
<3 Holly

4:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try paintballing, it could cover the whole "getting shot" thing. Unless, somewhere inside your brain you know that they are harmless, this might not be the best idea.

If you are afraid of running into traffic you go go outside and weave around all the cars and taxis at rush hour (er, well, maybe not the best...You could get hit by a yellow landwhale [taxi]mistakenly called public transportation.)

You could go to an aquarium (one near by?) and go to the underwater walkway, the ones that are a medium sized dark tunnels with brightly lit water so you can see all those floating jellyfish. The water completely surrounds the walkway, only keeping a thick layer of plastic between you....*dramatic music*.....and...the jellyfish...

I'll maybe come up with some more ideas.. Best of luck! I hope you win!

4:31 AM  
Anonymous Nora said...

Listen to The Block, the new NKOTB cd from beginning to end.

4:47 AM  
Anonymous Lizzy-wa said...


Since you are afraid of getting shot at, (who isn't?) but don't really want to get SHOT at, why not play some paintball? Now, I don't mean you and your best friend playing a little game of paintball together while being covered in bubble wrap, I mean you against a team of higly-experienced paintball extraordinaires!

Since you're awesome, you can still wear bubble wrap, but you have to admit that would be a little scary...

-Lizzy-wa OUT! ;)

5:08 AM  
Blogger Alysa said...

Two words: Roller Derby. It was not so long ago that you said that was a never ever thing. Perhaps you could arrange to attend a practice?

5:14 AM  
Blogger Elzabelle said...

I, like you, have a number of fears. And they are all completely legitimate!

You have already mentioned fear of amusement park rides and waterslides, this leaves me with: heights, gas station bathrooms, ants (which are like spiders, gross and crawly!), drowning, strangers, car salesmen, etc.

I don't know how you feel about heights, but I would recommend trying a high ropes course. Recreational centers and adventure places have them.
Even if you aren't afraid of heights, walking across ropes while suspended 60 feet in the air will still scare you!

And I think white-water rafting sounds scary. That could combine a fear of water, drowning, injury, and death all at once!

Best of luck with whatever you choose!

5:18 AM  
Anonymous Julia Rios said...

Since you are afraid of jellyfish and amusement park rides, why not visit the New York Aquarium, where you can not only see live jellyfish, but also go on a ride? They've even got moon jellies, which are supposedly non-harmful to humans. Maybe (it's a long shot, but maybe!) if you call in advance and explain that you are a very important and famous author who must win this contest, and do something more impressive than watching Shaun of the Dead, they will let you touch one.

5:23 AM  
Anonymous foraysinflats said...

you know... dallas is scary... you could come to dallas, for that matter... high school is scary... you could come to my high school... hint hint... also, the seniors go all out decorating really scarily... or you could go to an aquarium and watch jelly fish, maybe ask the staff if you could like, pet one... or something.

5:25 AM  
Anonymous becca said...

Okay, this is obvious. You are deathly afraid of JK Rowling. Therefore, you must call her up and let her ravage your pantry. That would be very scary.

(I also really like the stock market idea.)

5:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well the whole getting attacked by the Jonas Brothers could come true just go to one of there concerts, if you don't get attacked by the fans first you will have to sit through 2 hours of them singing while a whole bunch of girls are yelling there heads off believe me its not fun i had to sit through one when my cusin draged me along

another thing that is scary is talking to J.K. by choice... mabe thats to scary. oh or you could take my algebra test on holloween

5:27 AM  
Anonymous jenifer said...

I was going to suggest seeing if the fine folks at NY Aquarium would let you experience the jellyfish (non-lethal ones, of course) up close and personal, but Julia beat me to that.

In line with a fear of being shot at, are you afraid of handling guns? I know many people who are. If you're one of them, find a gun range and take a lesson. Try to shoot handguns and long guns both if you can.

5:38 AM  
Anonymous DefiGraviti said...

Apply to college! That certainly scares me.

6:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should take the Official Wizard of Brotherhood 2.0 on a date. THAT would be terrifying.

6:22 AM  
Anonymous Lizzy-wa said...

Hhhhhmmmm... Sorry. I'm kind of clueless sometimes. Considering paintballing was already suggested, scratch that last one.

How about...

Never mind. I'm out of ideas.

-Lizzy-wa OUT! :(

6:34 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

Do you know anyone with a taser? Being tased seems like a terrifying experience.

6:44 AM  
Anonymous littlesquirrel said...

I want you to walk outside with your Suite Scarlett poster, all the while shouting that Edward Cullen is awkward.
Roller skates would be a good idea, too.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Maria said...

You should watch a scene from a movie you don't care to watch. Make sure to film yourself watching the scene and then add the video to your youtube channel. If I was doing this challenge I would watch the blueberry scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. This gave me nightmares when I was a child

7:47 AM  
Blogger lauren myracle said...

You are so insanely funny, Maureen. I just giggle and giggle when I read your blog entries.

Wanna hear something crazy?

I used to be scared of *you*. Yes. It is true. Because you are such a vibrating ball of talent and gorgeosity!

But I'm not scared anymore.

I faced that fear, baby. :) (And glad I am to reap the rewards!)

8:48 AM  
Anonymous Sarah said...

Commenters above me have great ideas! I definitely vote for skydiving and/or paintball.

Is there anything you are serious-scared of, instead of funny-scared of? Maybe you could do that. (This is in no way meant to imply that jellyfish are funny - I can hear you now, scolding me about this and telling me about the very real risk that jellyfish will take over the world. By serious-scary, I just mean the thing that you have always wanted to do in your life, but that sits in a pit in the bottom of your stomach because you are too scared to do it. Although you do seem like the type of person who take advantage of every opportunity, so maybe you don't have one of these.)

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Watching "The Exorcist" or Zac Efron singing "Bet On It" with a ventriliquist dummy sitting next to you. Now that would scare me.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Reese said...

Go to a haunted house, of course. There's this place about an hour away from me that's third scariest IN THE WORLD. and a place five minutes away that's 4th in America.

It's so simple, and so terrifying!!

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an easy one! Simply find a hot guy/girl that you see all the time (like the guy at the coffee shop, book store, etc) and ask him out, while being videotaped by a friend. What could be more scary than that?

3:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know what scares me? MOTHS. There was this one time when I was a freshman in highschool and sitting at the computer trying to type a report and this MOTH came out of nowhere and FLEW AT MY FACE and LANDED ON MY NOSE. And ever since then, moths have scared me. *shivers*


5:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

trapping yourself in a stephen king novel or go streaking //go to a pet store and see if you can have them put spidres all over your body. //climb down a sewer thing and hang out with the rats for a little while. get a clown to hang out with you for a day.
go to a haunted house. for example there is a four story one in Pontiac mi, that if you get all the way through it you get your money back. go to a real haunted house. I am sure you could find one in NY. hang out with Sam and Dean Winchester for an afternoon. ( I know you said achievable, but hey a girl can dream.)

Brittany Trudeau

5:44 PM  
Blogger Debra Rae said...

You should do as others have suggested:
1) go to the Aquarium and ask to *pet* a jellyfish..
2)then go to Central Park and feed bread to the ducks (not only will the geese fly down and attack, swans will chase you too...and that is VERY scary...squirrels will also attack...be careful with your mace)
3) if you're lucky a zombie may join you for a game of paintball.

Doing all of this will guarantee that YOU WIN!

5:48 PM  
Blogger itokro said...

Well, you did mention birds in your list of scary things. And birds are around all year. If feeding the ducks is not extreme enough, I suggest a big bird sanctuary with all kinds of feathered monsters flying about you.

6:31 PM  
Blogger Renee said...

The first noter is correct. Geese attacks are not fun. When I was a little girl I was at a place in Greenville, SC called The Hungry Fisherman. There were geese and ducks that swam in a little paddle boat pond behind the restaurant. My father and I had been feeding the geese from the little pier which kept us cordoned off from the scary birds. Then... we decided to rent a paddle boat and as we were paddling out... the geese began to surround us. Finally, one big male made it up onto the back of the boat. He yanked my ponytail and all but demanded more food. They they all swarmed the boat! Pecking and pulling hairs and honking and being evil.

I've had a fear of geese ever since.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Stephanie said...

Well, I don't know if this is scary enough, but there are quite a lot of live jellyfish at the aquarium in Coney Island. Yes, there's glass between you, but the tanks are HUGE and it's dark in there and you could probably convince yourself that you're in there with them.

I happen to love jellyfish and think they're exquisitely beautiful, so it's hard to gauge how scary they might be in various situations.

I'm scared of rats and performing karaoke, among plenty of other things. Either of those freak you out at all?

8:11 PM  
Blogger Mary Mo said...

I don't know about scaring people but I do know that government cheese is pretty darn tasty. ;)

Hmmm.... I think you could just go with "the dark" because it makes things so much scarier, no matter what. Or, go with the flipside, make people who can't go out in the light... or something like that. I officially suck.

8:46 PM  
Blogger Chelsea said...

This comment is coming pretty late in the game because it took me a while to come up with something that I thought you would be able to do. You could find a typo in one of your books (I've only seen one in Girl at Sea) and read that book aloud to a group of non-author people. You've said that you hate reading your books aloud because you will inevitably find a typo, and then you will think that you've written the world's only all-typo book. That seems like it would be a very scary thing.

10:27 PM  
Blogger lanna-lovely said...

You know (I'm sure someone has already suggested this but I'm in a hurry and don't have time to read through 45 comments right now to check) YOU could always make a sequel to the movie Rat Race.

Maybe not a full movie, just like a condensed 15 minute sequel that you could upload onto youtube and say "HAHA I WIN!"... could work.

I have the most bizarre fears too, things that scare me don't tend to bother other people (The Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz, Tom Cruise, Bette Midler... wrists, seriously, even my own freak me out, I avoid touching them at all times and never wear a watch) while things that scare normal people don't bother me. Even the idea of death doesn't scare me, it just makes me kind of curious and at times even excites me (I know that sounds weird, but just think, one of lifes biggest mysteries -"what happens after we die"- will be answered. And it'll either be something good, which would be awesome or something bad which is unavoidable anyway and tends to give me mental images of the kind of hell portrayed in the movie "Little Nicky" which is weird I know, but that doesn't seem so bad... or we just stop existing which we wouldn't even be aware of anyway)

And crap I'm rambling! SO! Suggestions! (btw, my sister is scared of rollercoasters too... well, ones that go upside down at least. Me and my cousin tricked her into going on one at an amusement park, we told her it just tilts to the side and doesn't go upside down... safe to say she found out we were lying when she saw the loop up close while the carts were going up the big track read to plummet at top speed down a hill and round the loops... it was hilarious, as we reached the top of the hill and started falling down above everyone elses screams of joy and excitement you heard my sister shout "I'M GONNA KILL YOUU TWOOOOOOO". We just laughed, and she was too wobbly on her legs when the ride was over to follow through with the threat, plus I think she kind of realised it wasn't so bad after all)

You could do something that is an embarressing kind of scary? Like wearing a ridiculous outfit and going somewhere very public where they would frown upon you wearing something like that... and then you'd have a funny story to talk about when you're done cringing that you could bring up at random dinners with friends "remember the time I went into a bank dressed as a clown and they called security when I started singing Abba songs? Good times, good times"

If you're REALLY desperate for something to do you could always go to a Jonas Brothers concert... just think, the JB's AND crazy pre-teen fan girls holding signs and squealing about how how they are?

You could go out dressed as Sarah Palin. Seeing my reflection looking like her would genuinely terrify me. :o/

My suggestions are seriously sucking more and more. Sorry, I fail. I would just watch the Wizard of Oz without closing my eyes, or hugging a pillow or turning down the volume whenever the witch showed up. THAT would terrify me.

I'm so not helpful. Sorry. :oP


10:42 PM  
Blogger JohnC said...

blenderized Happy Meal?

I know it's been done before, but that doesn't make it any less scary. I mean, people skydive all the time, but ... you know ... not me.

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, I am suggestion-less, but I come with a question, instead (aren't you lucky? :p)

I have heard from a source I am not sure is reliable that The Key to the Golden Firebird has been optioned for a film? Is this true? And if it is, will you tell us if there are open calls? I would travel distances to audition!

I'm sorry if I'm the millionth person who has asked this because I know that gets annoying.

Merci beaucoup,


10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you could.. go to an aquarium and video tape yourself going to the jelly fish exhibit, where you are only seperated from the jelly fish by a thin plexi glass wall.

11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay i saw that my suggestion had been suggested A MILLION times sooo.. how about you watch "the savage garden"? it's this creepy movie they made us watch in science about shrews having sex and bugs killing each other, and beatles eating the sex crazed shrews.

11:16 PM  
Blogger JohnC said...

"... shrews having sex and bugs killing each other, and beatles eating the sex crazed shrews."

Isn't that the plot of an M.T. Anderson book?


11:21 PM  
Anonymous poodle649 said...

Homeless people bring forth fear in many people, though of course we refuse to talk about it. Think for a minute - the last time you saw a homeless person did you look at him and smile or just keep wlaking? We're so afraid of the fact that we could end up like them that we tend to act like they don't exist.

Being homeless is a scary idea!!!

My fear challenge to you is to dress up like a dumpy homeless person and eat dinner at a homeless shelter. See it from their eyes. Don't tell them you're there on a dare, act like them. Talk to them. See the world from their eyes.

Don't you agree that could be downright scary?

12:07 AM  
Blogger A Paperback Writer said...

Well, I don't find this one scary, but many other people have told me that it would terrify them, SO.....
You are welcome to come out and teach my junior high school classes for a day. In fact, since all my kids are pretty decen this year, I could arrange for you to take the 8th period class from hell that my neighbor teacher has, and you could also volunteer for cafeteria duty. If facing and controling the behavior of hundreds of hormone-ridden 13-year-olds doesn't scare you, then you might actually have a good time.

3:18 AM  
Blogger A Paperback Writer said...

Well, I don't find this one scary, but many other people have told me that it would terrify them, SO.....
You are welcome to come out and teach my junior high school classes for a day. In fact, since all my kids are pretty decen this year, I could arrange for you to take the 8th period class from hell that my neighbor teacher has, and you could also volunteer for cafeteria duty. If facing and controling the behavior of hundreds of hormone-ridden 13-year-olds doesn't scare you, then you might actually have a good time.

3:19 AM  
Blogger A Paperback Writer said...

I don't know how that posted twice! I only hit the button once!
And there's no little garbage can for me to delete the second one.

3:21 AM  
Anonymous AllyB said...

Okay I didnt't read the other ones so I'm not sure if this one was mentioned but... Touch a Squirrel!

4:30 AM  
Anonymous Rosy said...

You live in the land of museums, right? So try spending 2 hours in modern abstract art. VERY SCARY! You will start seeing rather pessimistic meanings in EVERYTHING. Like, EVERYTHING. It's extremely scary.

5:30 AM  
Blogger LibraryHermit said...

Scary thing: David Tennant leaving Doctor Who

6:21 AM  
Anonymous whimsykid said...

I'm not sure if it would scare you as much in food form, but you could go to a Chinese restaurant and eat nothing but spicy boiled jellyfish. Actually, it's kind of tasty. But you will probably feel that you are dominating over them by eating them, so I have the perfect solution.

As you swallow each stringy piece of tentacle, close your eyes and imagine it coming to life and growing back as a whole jellyfish, swimming throughout the inside of you! Visualize the gelatinous beast coming to life and growing larger and larger, and larger, and then it oozes with deadly shock stuff.

You get the picture.

And if that doesn't do anything for you, order some fish head soup or deep fried pork rectum.

6:49 AM  
Anonymous kira said...

go to any REALLY REALLY rough/populated part of town at night.
find drunk people.
watch the drunk people.
if you stand close enough, the drunk people will talk to you.
hopefully, they shall not be happy drunks.
they will probably yell and/or harass you.
they will be disoriented and fall.
you now have documentation.

7:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are a writer that does a lot of planning then it would be scary if you signed up for NaNoWriMo - National Novel Writing Month - and had to write a 50,000 page novel in the month of November with no time to plan. But I'm not sure that would make a very good video.

8:03 AM  
Anonymous Zoe said...

If you are scared of someone making a sequel to Ratrace, perhaps you should face that fear and MAKE THE SEQUEL YOURSELF! You could enlist the help of your many writer friends as the actors. I'm sure John Green would make an excellent John Cleese. Somewhere in the movie there could also be a swimming with jellyfish scene. *Cue screaming*

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Julia Rios said...

I realize I have already left a comment with a perfectly good suggestion, but I woke up this morning with a brilliant idea. It might be too late, but still worth suggesting. You're terrified of someone making a sequel to Rat Race. What if you made that sequel? Then you would scare not only yourself, but also the rest of the world! YouTube awaits.

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Nuwon Wearspants said...

You could ...make a rap song. And perform it in public (but pick a safe place). That is scary in that it involves a) rapping and b) public performing. Or you could change rapping to tap-dancing, if you like that better.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous Laura! said...

simple, go to an aqaurium (i'm pretty sure there's one in New York) see if you can get in after dark and spend the entire night next to your dear friends the jellyfish!

7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Nov First WHAT HAPPENED????

2:50 AM  
Anonymous JK said...

You could go to the park and feed a whole bunch of pigeons and let them swarm around you with their scary bird-ness.

Do you like ice skating? You could go Ice skating.

Or find some way to compete in a roller derby. as fun as that woudl be, it could be just a little scary at least.

Hope you come up with something awesome.

6:28 PM  
Blogger angela said...

Roller Derby.
Through a aquarium.
Filled with jellyfish.

Step 1:Buy roller skates.
Step 2:Learn a trick from a Roller Derby Girl.
Step 3:Go to an aquarium.
Step 4:Do a trick and roller skate down the jellyfish tanks area.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

have daphne arrange something incredibly scary, since, according to your podcast WHICH YOU NEED TO UPDATE NOW you talk to her about fears quite a lot.

have her arrange a fear house/apartment/place. with scary things in it.

also, i know that fourteen-year-old boys armed with darkened chapel overflow areas and large blankets are rather scary.

8:08 AM  
Anonymous Laura B said...

so are you ever going to tell us what you did?

6:28 AM  
Blogger Maria D'Isidoro said...

I saw that youre listening to Katy Perry on twitter. When you listen to "I Kissed a Girl," replace 'girl' with 'squirrel.' Guarenteed fun for the whole family.

As for the fear thing, get into a conversation with conservative christians and claim to agree with what they're saying so that they'll admit their crazier ideas to you. Or you could look for a showing of "Religulous." It's funny in a terrifying I-can't-believe-these-people-are-allowed-to-procreate kind of way.

11:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Maureen, what did you do?

12:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

please tell us what you did!!!!
we are dying to know!!!

1:44 AM  
Anonymous Chesea R. said...

In the semi-likely event McCain gets elected, you've got fodder for the next 4 Halloweens. (Yes, I went there)

I'm already in fear of that.....my APUS History teacher is an uber-democrat so....-fear- since he's making up my make-up test tonight. -shivers-

5:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's scary? easy: high school gym class. football. standing on the field, across from a mass of enormous, sports crazed guys.... the ball hurdles toward you and so do they. you know that they don't care if you live or die as long as they WIN, and if they don't, you just know that that football is heading toward your head.....

or if that's not scary enough...

picture this....you walk into a crowded high school hallway carrying a copy of Twilight. You hold the book high above your head, waiting until the eye of every teenage girl in the vicinity is fixed unwaveringly on the novel you hold. Suddenly, you shout "Twilight sucks! It is a horrible book! Edward and Jacob are pathetic!"
now you watch as hundreds of fiction-loving girls advance, pure loathing in their eyes......

now that's my idea of scary! (and i love twilight, by the way. the opinions expressed above are not mine!)


8:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

9:31 AM  
Anonymous Sarah E said...

David Tennant leaving Doctor Who? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why wasn't I informed of this immediately? Oh right, that election thing....whatever. YES WE CAN. Anyway, you guys had to go and ruin my fun. And not only did you say he's leaving, you gave me a LINK to prove it. I'm so very sad now. Why? Why? What can this mean? *sobs*

10:25 AM  
Blogger Maria D'Isidoro said...

in more happy news, I just saw that there's a game coming out November 20th for the PS3 called "Sing Star Abba." SWEDISH KARAOKE!!! Only problem, I'm not sure if it will be released in the states or only australia. I think it will be released here, though.

9:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://yaforobama.ning.com/video/barrack-obama-a-star-is-born please visit this!

11:46 PM  
Anonymous Julia said...

You know what woudl be scary? if you went an entire week with no internet!

3:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AW Maureen! When are you gonna post a new post?

I didn't cry (like my mum) but I was THRILLED yesterday. Despite the fact that I don't even live in America.

This is so brilliant. His speech was empowering. Did you see the crowd? It was crazy. I can only imagine the atmosphere. Well, if I was there, I would have probably cried too.

5:46 AM  
Anonymous Courtney Chuckles said...

I heard that John Green has been crossing your name out on the title page of you books. He said it was because you started it

Maureen, I would like to know why you would start such a feud! You're my favorite YA authors!

I don't want you battling it out in the books.


1:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know whats really scarry, Sarah Palin and John McCain. You should dress up like them. Or you could pretend they won the election, thats even scarier

3:51 AM  
Blogger Paradox said...

Oh, that's weird, I almost said something about Sarah Palin and wearing a Sarah Palin mask, but the last commenter just said that.

Let's see... scary.

- Tornado chasing.
- Touch a venus fly trap.
- Buy a pet snake or pet one.
- Go out in public as if everything was normal, but in your pajamas or in a costume (think anime convention or giant chicken.)
- Look down from a very tall building.
- Look up global warming. It's very scary.
- Or watch one of those depressing documentaries about how the universe will end or space storms and how they would destroy the earth if they existed here.

Grr... I can't think of anything good.

1:54 AM  
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