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Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Welcome friends, to week two of ZOMBIE IDOL . . . to the opening of the Zombay des Refusés, my updated version of the Salon des Refusés. All this week, we will celebrate just some of the zombies that came in during round one.

Now, some cleverclogs out there is going to point out that Salon des Refusés means Salon of Rejects, so Zombay des Refusés must mean Zombie of Rejects, which makes no sense. To those people, I offer the guiding words of the Beastie Boys, who say, “I don’t mean to brag, I don’t mean to boast, but I’m intercontinental when I eat French toast.” In other words, shut up.

It is inevitable that, as you read some of the many, many gems I am going to post over the next few days . . . you are going to see one that you think should have won round one. The Celebrity Judges were faced with a very, very tough job!

What that means, though, is that I have tons of beautiful zombies to show you. Each day, in the Zombay des Refusés, you’ll get to see a collection. Imagine this was a gallery, with individual rooms given over to a zombie theme.

Today’s collection are the Shakespeare Zombies. I think you will all agree . . . the Bard could have done a lot better if he had just put in a few more shambling ones.

Shakespeare, Sonnet 18
Cecil Castellucci

Shall I compare thee to the Zombie's way?
Thou art more lovely and more desperate:
For brains do shake the darling buds of May,
Sweet delicious brains hath too short a date:
Sometime too hot the eye of Zombie shines,
And often is his rott'd complexion dimm'd;
And every fair Zombie sometime declines,
By chance or nature's moaning night untrimm'd;
But thy eternal hell night shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that rank thou owest;
As shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal brains to time thou eatest:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long Zombie eats brains which gives life to thee.

A Midsummer Night's Dream
R. Schmid

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these zombies did appear.
And this awful viral strain,
No more yielding than a brain
Gentles, do not reprehend:
if you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the zombie's moan,
We will make amends alone;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your brains, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Richard III
S. Nagy

Zombie horde, I have bet my life upon
an empty shotgun, and 'ere I will fall
beneath your tearing claws: I hope you choke
on ev'ry bite you wrench free from my form.
Shells! shells! I lost the shells for my shotgun!

M. Hiatt

O, that this too too soft flesh would be a feast
Thaw and resolve itself into a new!
Or that the Everlasting had not limped
His canon 'gainst self-slaughter! O God! God!
How weary, stale, reeking and unliving,
Seem to me all the zombies of this world!
Fie on't! ah fie! 'tis an reeking garden,
That grows to eat flesh; things rank and gross in nature
shoot at it merely. That it should come to this!
But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:
So excellent a human; that was, to this,
Hyperion to a satyr; so hungry for all beings
That he might not beteem the winds of heaven
Visit her face too roughly. Heaven and earth!
Must I remember? why, it would limp at him,
As if increase of appetite had grown
By what it fed on: and yet, within a month--
Let me not think on't--Zombie, thy name is woman!--
A little month, or ere those corpses were old
With which she follow'd my poor father's body,
Like Niobe, all tears:--why she, even she--
O, God! a beast, that wants discourse of reason,
Would have feasted longer—then gone for my uncle,
My father's brother, but no more like my father
Than I to the dead: within a month:
Ere yet the sound of most unrighteous groans
Had left the flushing in her galled eyes,
She became zombified. O, most wicked speed, to post
With such hunger to feast upon human souls!
It is not nor it cannot come to good:
But eat my heart; for I must hold my tongue.


#1 by JD B.

Romeo: What Light? Through Yonder window breaks. It is the east and Juliet is the sun!
Juliet: Ay me!
Romeo: She speaks!
Juliet: No, Romeo, there's seriously a zombie behind you.
Romeo: What!? I mean, I'll come thither!
Juliet: Shut up with the stupid old english! There's a freakin' Zombie behind you!
Romeo: Somebody get me one of those daggers!
Juliet: Those are plastic!
Romeo: Can you think of anything better?
Juliet: How about the 9 mills that the guards keep with them?
Romeo: Ugh, some one go get the guards!
Crowd member: The zombie killed him!
Juliet: Does that mean he took his gun?
Romeo: Whether we finish the play or not, we'er all gana to die!
Juliet: Stop being so pessimistic.
Romeo: Well, for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic.
Juliet: Hey, I'm the deep one here!

Juliet's head is eaten by the zombie.

Romeo: Ay me...

Romeo's head is eaten by the zombie.

Crowd member: Ahhhh Run!

#2 by A. Wilson

But crunch! What scent through yonder cranium wafts?
It is fresh meat! And Juliet, the meatbox!
Arise, ye mostly dead, and cleave the skull
Whose cup o'erflows with that electric food
Which sparks our own undeadly minds to move.
O be not gentle with that pretty flesh
Or vestal liver which might tempt a freshly green
Away from grayer matters. Spit it out!
We seek the brainstuff! O, the one true meat!
O, all she's ever known must wet our teeth!
She screams, her tongue insipid and distracting.
(I'll yet bite, though tongue's a waste of gnashing.)

#3 by Joy from Manhattan

Two categories, the living and the zombified,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene
From ancient struggle break to new invasion
Where zombie virus makes human hands unclean
And from forth the fatal saliva of these foes,
An army of undead takes its unlife
Whose stumbling, groaning overthrow
Does with its advance, bury the Montague’s and Capulet’s petty strife
The fearful passage of countless extras and secondary characters
And the continuance of the undead’s march
Which, but the zombie cure could mend
Is now the tale we tell future generations
And, if you with patient ears attend
you’ll know that soothsayers do not pretend.

#4 by Melinda B.

Two households, both alike in casualty,
In dark, cold graveyard, where we make our scene,
From recent death, break to new undeadity,
Where civil brains make civilians scream.
From forth the fatal depths of this dark grave,
A pair of evil zombies search for brains,
Whose shambling feet seek out that which they crave,
And doth spur the folk to scream as though insane.
The fearful passage of their deathwalk eerie,
And the refusal of these undead ones to die,
Which, though well for them, leaves fam’ly fearing
That they shall soon in brainless slumber lie—
This, then, the fate of Verona houses two:
That undead Romeo and Juliet destroy anew.

#5 by A. Kalorkoti

Romeo: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
Is it a foul and sulf'rous burning torch,
Wielded on high by deadly zombie foes
Who through Verona's night have tracked me here?
Alack, is doom upon me? Nay! I see
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
She scatters zombies with her radiant beams;
They flee away before her dazzling light.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.
The perfect roundness of thy intact skull,
Which shields thy brains uneaten safely there,
Arouses jealousy in her whose flesh
Must monthly wane 'till all be ate away.
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green,
Much like unto a zombie's rotting skin,
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
But yet I see another shadow there
Betwixt the curtain and the balcony wall,
A stumbling zombie ambles slowly forth,
It seems that Juliet is this creature's goal,
O, that she knew she were!
The zombie closes, and I now can see
Quite clear the remnants of its withered face:
'Tis Grandma Capulet, who oft of late
Doth haunt the lives of her descendants here.
She speaks…

Zombie: Braaaaaiiiins….

#6 b M. Hiatt

SCENE II. Capulet's orchard.


He jests at scars that never felt a wound.
But, soft! What zombie through yonder window breaks?
It is the south, and Juliet is the victim.
Run, fair victim, and I to kill the envious dead,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou maid art far more fair than he:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
His tarnished livery is but sick and green
And none but them do wear it; run off!
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew where it were!
It speaks yet it says nothing: what of that?
It’s eye is lazy; I will run from it.


Tomorrow, a new collection!



Blogger Amanda Ashby said...

Wow - zombie idol is the funniest thing I've ever seen, though I'm not surprised at how big it's become. Once you start treading the zombie path, it's pretty hard to turn back!

9:45 AM  
Blogger limeywesty said...

I think Shakespeare should take a comment out of your books.
Why shouldn't Romeo and Juliet have zombies?

10:40 AM  
Blogger Reese said...

Luuuurvey these. Seriously.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Erin said...

These are so hilariously clever. These rock. Shakespeare zombies. *rubs hands together in delight*

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

so amazing.
who new how much better the greats could be with zombies?
maureen thank you for having the genies idea to add zombies to books.
so amazing!

12:18 AM  
Anonymous Kiersten said...

"Well, for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic."
haha paramore. gotta love it.

2:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yay! i made the Zombies des Refuses!
all that time memorizing that stupid prolouge is WORTH IT!

2:16 AM  
Anonymous krazykatie said...

gosh, this would have made my shakespeare test more interesting. I love the one about Romeo and Juliet where they get their heads ripped off. Just goes to show that fancy talking in tight pants and weird hats will kill you in the end. :)

2:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi, this is kim. i am reading a tale of two cities for school and i heard of your contest and found the perfect passage to add zombies to. here it is:

“Good day!”said Monsieur Defarge, looking down at the pale white zombie that bent low over the shoemaking. It was raised for a moment, and a very faint voice responded to the salutation, as if it was at a distance: “Good day!”

“Still hard at work, I see?”

After a long silence, the zombie lifted its head again for another moment, and the voice replied “Yes-I am working.” This time, a pair of haggard looking eyes had looked at the questioner, before the zombie’s face had dropped again.
The faintness of the zombie’s voice was pitiable and dreadful. It was not from physical weakness, though confinement and hard fare no doubt had their part in it. Its deplaborable peculiarity was, that it was the faintness of solitude and disuse. It was like the last feeble echo of a sound made long and long ago. So entirely had it lost the life and resonance of the human voice, that it affected the human senses like a once beautiful color faded away into a poor weak stain. So sunken and suppressed the zombie’s voice was, that it was like a voice underground. So expressive it was, of hopeless and lost creature, that a famished traveler, wearied out by lonely wandering in a wilderness, would have remembered home and friends in such a tone before lying down to die at the zombie’s feet.

there it is. it is 229 words. and i also think that this is the best contest ever!!!!!!!!! :0

3:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alright, Miss Maureen, I think you've officially run out of excuses. We want to read your first zombie romance novel, and we want it now! As you've shown here, even Shakespeare who, despite his supposed genius-ness, every high school student kind of hates(if I have to read Romeo and Juliet one more time, I think I'll develop a brain anuerysm)can be made of awesome with the help of a couple zombies. So,Miss Johnson, the question is: you've talked the talk, but....can you walk the undead walk?

4:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Romeo and Juliet where they get their heads ripped off sound just what an annoying person gets for making me read their play and getting a head ake and still not being able to tell what their saying

12:35 AM  
Anonymous cep program said...

thank you nice sharing

4:03 PM  
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