about bulletins books Maureen Johnson dot com blog f.a.q. contact community
 
 
 
 
 
suite scarlett
girl at sea
devilish
13 little blue envelopes
the bermudez triangle
the key to the golden firebird
vacations from hell
let it snow
 
 

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

NOW WE’RE COOKING! (now with updates!)

Behold, friends! The day has arrived! Girl At Sea is no longer just at sea! Today, the book is out! At least on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, and probably at most stores. If you don’t see it yet, it should be there in a few days. If not, demand it!

The first Girl At Sea cards are going in the mail, Free Monkey is preparing for his trip, I’m preparing to get out there to meet some of you and sign some books.

Let’s not wait! Let’s start celebrating RIGHT NOW! I’m giving away two signed copies today. Here are today’s two ways to win:

[NOTE: THIS CONTEST IS NOW SEMI-CLOSED. SEE BELOW FOR WINNERS, UPDATES. MORE CONTESTS TO COME, ANY DAY I FEEL LIKE IT. THIS COULD HAPPEN A LOT. I AM IN A BOOK-GIVING MOOD. THIS IS BY NO MEANS YOUR ONLY SHOT.]

Make a big stink
Do something crazy, internet-wise, to get the word out about Girl At Sea. I leave the what and how up to you! You are far cleverer than I! Write and tell me what you did, and at the end of the day, I will choose the one person who did the thing that had the most impact and general panache. I like style! I like loud! I like VIRAL! (Not the bad kind that makes you sick or kills your computer. The good kind.)

If you get me into the top 100 on Amazon, I’ll give you TWO copies. And a unicorn.

UPDATE: Several of you wrote in in a bit of a panic because you wanted to do something but saw this too late. So I have decided to extend this part until SATURDAY at noon. You have days to spread the word, however you can! The winner will get a book, and maybe something else, if I find something else that is interesting around here. I have many interesting things.



How will you get people’s attention?


Leave a comment
Easier than the first, but less certain. Just leave a comment. At the end of the day, when I am reviewing the internet offerings, I will also gather the names of all commenters and pick one out of a hat. (Note: anonymous won’t win. You have to leave SOME kind of name.)

UPDATE: WINNERS!
I'm giving away an extra copy here to make up for the one I held in the other part of the contest. So, the two commenter winners are Gabrielle and Katiek. Please send me your addresses so I can send you your books!

Now, let’s talk about Food Network.

“Wait,” you said. “What? Food Network? Why are you talking about Food Network on a day like this?”

Well, inquisitive and good-looking friends, I’ll tell you.

One of Girl At Sea’s first readers wrote to me and asked, “Do you like to cook? Because there are a lot of really good sounding dishes in here.”

Actually, I do. I have had a lifelong obsession with cooking. I’m not saying I’m great at it, but I’m not bad. And I definitely try. Ever since I was a tiny mj, I have been an obsessive cookbook reader. I’m also a big believer in making fresh food, and trying not to eat processed stuff—because it’s gross, and it’s bad for your health, and it’s not as fun as real food. Real cooking, real food culture . . . people actually caring about what they eat . . . I like that! It’s one of the millions of reasons I like Justine Larbalestier, who knows a thing or two about good food.

The evil processed "food" weakness I have is for Diet Coke, which is one of the most noxious substances on the planet. I still drink it, but I know I should stop. Especially since the last can that I had attacked me. It slipped from my hand as I took it out of the fridge, and it landed on my foot . . . and hurt. A lot more than you'd think. Then I picked it up, limping along, and opened it, and it sprayed right into my eye, blinding me for a moment. Lesson learned!

I have long been a devotee of Food Network. Before I wanted to be a dead body on Law and Order, I wanted to be a guest on a Food Network show. That dream came true. (I won’t tell you what show it was—though I may have before, somewhere on this blog, a long time ago. I will say it involved a picnic and a lot of beer, and I wasn’t expecting to be featured as much as I was, nor to be as obviously drunk on television as I was. Not my fault. Really.)

Plus, I have long had a case on Rachel Ray simply because of this ad, which is all over the New York subway.



#@$^&*#^$&*#^$!


As I think I have mentioned a thousand or two times, I really need a Vespa. Not want. Need. And as I also mentioned, no one will let me have one, because they think I will be instantly killed by a speeding cab as I cruise along on my excellent scooter, which has pretty much the same amount of power as a blow dryer and no means of protection.

Which MAY be so, but I still need one. So this ad is really just taunting me. It’s not okay that Rachel Ray has both a cooking show and a Vespa.

Many of you may have seen Anthony Bourdain’s mean but extremely funny rant about Food Network. He bashed Rachel Ray, but saved his absolute worst vitriol for a show called Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee. He had this to say about it:

Pure evil. This frightening Hell Spawn of Kathie Lee and Betty Crocker seems on a mission to kill her fans, one meal at a time. She Must Be Stopped. Her death-dealing can-opening ways will cut a swath of destruction through the world if not contained. I would likely be arrested if I suggested on television that any children watching should promptly go to a wooded area with a gun and harm themselves. What’s the difference between that and Sandra suggesting we fill our mouths with Ritz Crackers, jam a can of Cheez Wiz in after and press hard? None that I can see.


Because I love a car wreck as much as the next person, I had to see for myself. I had never seen Semi-Homemade cooking with Sandra Lee before. And because I refuse to suffer alone or in silence, I made Oscar Gingersnort watch it with me when we took a break from painting.

“Sit down,” I said, knocking him sideways on to the plastic-covered sofa. “You’re going to get a lesson in American culture.”

“Wot?”

“We’re going to watch Semi-Homemade with Sandra Lee.”

“What is that?”

“Less talking. More culture-learning,” I said, switching on the tv.

In this episode, Sandra Lee went to a racetrack. Not a very famous one, I don’t think. She was wearing a jumpsuit and standing at a portable kitchen by the track itself. She promised to make the most delicious day at the races meal you’d ever seen.

The thing that first hit me about Sandra Lee is that a lot of her “cooking” is actually just “pouring” or “unwrapping.” Literally. I have seen this woman “make” a cocktail that was actually just pre-made bottled cocktail that she poured into a glass. Which, no matter how you slice it, really isn’t cooking. It is spectacularly unimpressive. I mean, I understand the occasional use of pre-packaged products, but come on. My grandma had a way with pudding mix that would make you weep with joy. This is like watching someone do a three meter run at the Olympics. It’s just not exciting.

Also, Sandra kept referring to her display table as a tablescape—which is simply unacceptable. It was made worse by the fact that in this episode it was actually some kind of tool chest.

“What the^&#*$^*#&^ is a tablescape?” I asked Oscar.

“How do I know?” Oscar asked weakly. “I’m English. What did I do to deserve this?”

She also seems really shocked by pretty normal foods, and seems to feel you will be shocked by them as well. Foods like raspberries, which she holds up to the camera and announces, in much the same way that a biologist might display and name the egg of a heretofore unknown sea turtle species.

“Look,” she seems to be saying. “This is a RASP-BER-EEE. Isn’t it AMAZING? I’ll bet you’ve never seen one of these! And now I’m going to put in on my TABLESCAPE.”

But we didn’t see anything really awful until we came to the carpetbagger steaks.

I have never heard of carpetbagger steak. I no longer eat steak, but I remain fairly up-to-speed on common foods. This one escaped me. She promised to make the nicest, most delicious steak, filled with “the most delicious blue cheese dressing.”

Oscar and I looked at each other.

“First,” she said. “Red wine.”

She filled a bowl with wine. We nodded. That was an okay start.

And then, she added the salad dressing mix. What was worse was that she had two kinds of salad dressing mix, and that she had to pick one. Then she asked everyone to look at it, to examine how wonderful and full of flavor it was. Salad dressing mix is generally made of stale dried seasoning, dried processed fake cheese, and preservatives and additives and whatever else they find in the plant. Mugwort. Those little paper circles that fall out of hole punches. I don’t mean to sound like a total snob here, but it’s just not good.

She stirred it into the wine with a maniacal grin.

“No!” Oscar shouted. “Why? Why? The wine! The wine! We have to save it!”

She took some kind of manky steaks with thumb-sized holes in them and dumped them into the wine. She had some of these that were pre-done waiting in her cooler. Then she made “the most delicious blue cheese dressing,” which was a mix of pre-packaged blue cheese, hideous jarred mushrooms, and a different kind of salad dressing mix . . . and I tell you the truth, it was the most disgusting looking food item I have ever seen on television. Or possibly anywhere. Suddenly, Anthony’s harsh words did not seem strong enough.

“I can’t watch this,” Oscar said.

“You must!” I said, grabbing his ankle and preventing his escape. “It’s for science!”

“No it’s not!”

She stuffed this goop into the steaks, and we both winced.

Then it was time for cocktails. We watched in grim silence as she filled a blender with soda and booze, and then . . .

“No,” I said. “No. Do NOT fill that blender with . . .”

In went about a half a gallon of Gatorade.

“Great,” I said. “You can get drunk AND keep your electrolyte balance!”

As the show concluded, Sandra walked us over to the tablescape, which was decorated in racing decorations. She was exceptionally proud of the fact that the plate-holders were hubcaps, the fake flowers (“Don’t they look real?” Answer: NO) were in empty paint tins that were supposed to look like oil cans, the massive and lopsided (seriously, this show is sloppy) store-bought cake was covered in two tatty flags and sat on a tire, and the placecards were made of spark plugs. It looked like a Pep Boys had thrown up on the table.

“And look!” she said. “Look at the table dividers! Aren’t they amazing? Know what they are? LUG WRENCHES.”

“I’m going home,” Oscar said, getting up. “Where’s my passport?”

I had, of course, hidden his passport before turning on the television. I’m not a total idiot.

All right . . . enough! This must be posted! Books must be given out! And I need to get myself a Gatorade cocktail to celebrate Girl At Sea! Ahoy!

PS: HANK GREEN JUST CALLED ME ON THE PHONE!

YES! THAT HANK GREEN!

Labels: , ,

63 Comments:

Anonymous Mckayla Ryann A. said...

eww...that sounds lyk a nastee meal

12:41 AM  
Anonymous Gabrielle said...

I was going to be the first comment. I was beaten by THAT comment. I'm going to buy Girl At Sea today. Yay! I'm also going to send you my address for a GIRL AT SEA CARD! And as you noticed, I am currently posting, so I have a *chance* of getting a signed Girl At Sea. Which would be dumb, because I'M COMING AT ALA TO MEET YOU, MAUREEN! Haha! So honestly, I'm outta the game. I suggest you try and find a pink Vespa. I was very disappointed when you found that pink stun gun and didn't buy it. What does SEMI-homemade mean anyway? Semi pre-cooked crap?
Gatorade. Gatorade.

GATORADE.

12:48 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

That is one obnoxious ad. You'd think they'd make up an ad showing some dish that makes you want to run home and attempt to recreate it...or simply feel less nauseous than you do having a smiley Rachel Ray on a vespa mocking all the subway riders.

12:59 AM  
Blogger The Bibliophile said...

That was laugh-out-loud funny. I can't decide if I should add "Semi-Homemade" to my To Watch list for shock value, or consider myself lucky to have remained unscathed and give the show three thumbs-down on my TiVo. How did she ever manage to get a cooking show?!

1:11 AM  
Blogger Dex said...

I want to sit around and watch the food network with you all day. I've always thought Semi-Homemade was so frightful and disgusting that it crossed over into hilarity. You just proved it.

1:17 AM  
Anonymous Nuwon Wearspants said...

The picture of Rachael Ray makes me laugh. Ah ha ah ha HA HA AH AH AH HA! Look at how I laugh!

1:19 AM  
Anonymous Marie said...

*comes out of lurker-dom in an attempt to win a book*

Anyway, after viewing that YouTube video, I think it's safe to say that Sandra Lee's "Tablescapes" are probably the tackiest things I've seen all month.

2:03 AM  
Anonymous megan said...

"why? the wine! we have to save it!"
hahahaahahahaaaah...
poor oscar gingersnort.

2:06 AM  
Anonymous Kellie said...

The Food Network is awesome. Sometimes, when I'm alone with my two cats and bored cooking. I do my own cooking show. Seriously. And when I'm out of town, I leave the tv on for my cats (they're spoiled) and it's always the Food Network. I'm convinced that they have a large wealth of cooking skills now. If only they could talk...

2:16 AM  
Blogger Jennifer Lynn Barnes said...

Two things, both random.

Thing the First: If you get killed by a speeding cab, that would be great practice for playing a dead body on TV. Just bring Oscar or someone along to do CPR or something and bring you back, a la Buffy season 1. And try to endeavor to get hit near a casting agent's office...

Thing the Second (which is slightly more random than the first): Diet Coke makes me sleepwalk.

2:28 AM  
Blogger Suzanne said...

Since I have a semi-real virus (dissertation-itis), I think I'll pass on the viral marketing--but I will call my friend who works at my favorite bookstore to see if they are at sea yet.

And what's the word on Bartlesville?

2:42 AM  
Blogger Dawn said...

Oooh Sandra Lee!
The worst thing she ever made was a Kwanzaa Celebration Cake. It's pre-made angel food cake with gray frosting topped with corn nuts. If you search on the food network site, you can find a picture of it. Disgusting.

2:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG. OMG.
How much does she get paid? It has got to be ALOT since that's the only way she could be that enthusiastic over icky gatorade cocktails and bluecheese stuffed steak, right? Ewww...mental image- i can only imagine how it really must have looked like....ewww!

YaY! I can order Girl at Sea! so so excited!!

xx Hanna xx

ps. what was the phone call about?

2:49 AM  
Blogger jocelyn said...

That show sounds hilarious. In a horrifying unintentional way. I may have to watch it sometime.

3:01 AM  
Anonymous Stephanie said...

Vespas are pretty cool. I own a motorbike thingy that is very similar to a Vespa, but sadly, they are apparently illegal in the state in live in for some reason. I had to leave at my grandparent's house in Florida.

Hurray for Girl at Sea coming out! =)

3:02 AM  
Anonymous katiek said...

I would love a copy of Girl at Sea!!!

The steak sounds really gross. The cocktail too. Who in their right mind would add gatorade? I might have to see this show, just to see how horrible her cooking is.

3:28 AM  
Anonymous Ileana said...

I thought you should know that my Physics teacher rides a vespa to school every day. I suppose it's slightly more safe to ride in California than in New York, but only if you stay FAR away from the heart of Los Angeles. My suggestion, then, is to get a vespa, walk it onto the subway, take the subway out of New York city, then drive it around where you can't possibly get crushed by those damn crazy taxi drivers who never fail to run me over when I visit.

4:08 AM  
Blogger April said...

I love cooking shows (though sadly I have to watch the very subpar ones on PBS since I don't have cable) and I love books (especially when they are cheap or even better free) so this entry made me happy.

4:16 AM  
Anonymous Jude said...

I've been reading your blog for roughly two days now, so I haven't even quite figured out who you are, let alone what this book could be about, but what better way to find out than by actually reading the book? Which I could do if I happen to be the random winning commenter.

4:25 AM  
Blogger Ian said...

as soon as my lottery winnings top a couple hundred grand, i'm buying you a vespa. if you're wondering when that will be, it's on my schedule for sometime in the next year or so. we'll save the delivery particulars for later.

4:27 AM  
Anonymous Jacqueline said...

That ad is just weird and a little confusing. What does Rachel Ray on a Vespa have to do with food? Maybe she does delivery now.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Jessica said...

We don't allow Sandra Lee in my house. She disgusts me. The best part is when she uses things like jarred garlic and jarred lemon juice.

How hard is it to do your own, really?

In other news, I went to my local Books-A-Million and they didn't have Girl at Sea, which was to be expected considering the fact that they have next to nothing there.

I'm planning a trip to Barnes and Noble tomorrow to check.

4:57 AM  
Anonymous Caroline said...

Ah, I am reminded of the tiems I tried to explain to my roommate that "cooking" and "reheating" are not quite the same thing.

4:58 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

I work at a library and today I put Girl At Sea on a list of books for the children's/YA librarian to order for the collection. Then I looked to see what other books we are missing and found to my astonishment that we don't have Bermudez either, so I put that on the list as well. Take THAT, Bartlesville, OK!

5:00 AM  
Blogger Krissi said...

I wish that I got that show where I live.

I've got my fingers crossed for that copy of Girl at Sea!

5:09 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Congrats on the book's release!

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That picture of Rachel Ray makes me want to do anything but watch her show.
It makes me want to run away. Seriously, it looks like she's coming out of the sign! Yes, I'm babbling as usual, but with a job interview tomorrow and that sign, I'm going to be having some very strange dreams tonight. I want that Vespa, though.
Crossed fingers for Girl At Sea!
Ciao!

P.S.RASP-BER-EEE?

5:29 AM  
Blogger Jordyn said...

Wow.
Miss-fake-cooking-lady sounds scary.

Want to know something?
I used to hate cooking. (I blame the horrors of 9th grade culinary arts.)
Now I love it. I mean, I'm not great at it or anything, but it's fun.

5:41 AM  
Anonymous christyp said...

Woohoo! I can't wait to read Girl at Sea. 13 Little Blue Envelopes is like my favorite book ever.

And can I say, I totally heart the Food Network, but I also totally agree with you on Rachel Ray and Sandra Lee. Paula Deen and the Barefoot Contessa are also pretty awful. In fact, I would nominate all four of them for John and Hank's Evil Baby Orphanage.

BUT, I live for Good Eats and Ace of Cakes. Alton Brown and Chef Duff are made of awesome.

5:42 AM  
Anonymous Dawn Edelen said...

I LOVE the food network. I have to say that Emeril really gets on my nerves, though. Iron Chef and Ace of Cakes all the way. :) I'm VERY jealous that you just got to talk to THE Hank Green on the phone!! But you get to talk to John like...all the time. That's completely unfair too.

5:58 AM  
Anonymous Keisha said...

Gatorade cocktail? That is perhaps one of the most disgusting things I have ever heard of. I am oddly attempted to try one, though. Heard anything about Bartlesville yet?

6:19 AM  
Anonymous Jas said...

I am self-professed Food Network addict, and yes, I have witnessed the horror that is Sandra Lee. It is truly terrifying, is it not? I can't get over the fact that she talks like she's trying to explain crayons to three-year-olds. Her Christmas special made me a little queasy. No, my staples include Ace of Cakes, Everyday Italian, Molto Mario, Iron Chef (especially the original), and Good Eats. It's kinda all I watch during the summer months. This makes my neighbors very happy, because I start cooking and I can't stop, which means that they get all the extras.
I am very sad, because I don't even live in the vague vicinity of a place that kinda sorta resembles nearness to NYC, so I have no way of going there to meet any of my favorite authors. You guys all seem to congregate there.
I think I've rambled enough for now. Can't wait to get a chance to read Girl at Sea. I especially enjoyed 13 Little Blue Envelopes, so I know I'll like this one.

6:27 AM  
Anonymous Boothy said...

Ooo, I would love to win a signed copy of Girl At Sea. I'm working on reading the rest of your books (my library has all of them!) since I really loved Bermudez Triangle. I have Golden Firebird and 13 Little Blue Envelopes checked out and on my bed in my pile of DVDs and books (mainly books) that is on the other side of my bed that I don't sleep on (I have a queen bed). And the DVDs are mainly the Simpsons Season 6 box set and the Rain movie I bought today (based on the novel by VC Andrews) because I'm too lazy to put them in my DVD box.

*crosses fingers* I hope I win the random commenter contest. I thought about doing the other, but there's only an hour left before the contest closes. And the only thing I could think of was to go over to Meg Cabot's forums and be like "GO BUY GIRL AT SEA BY MAUREEN JOHNSON NOW!! I DON'T CARE THAT IT'S 11PM. GO BREAK INTO THE BOOKSTORE AND LEAVE THE MONEY ON THE COUNTER FOR THEM TO FIND IN THE MORNING. OR CAMP OUT IN FRONT OF THE STORE."

Actually, I might go do that anyway. So that'll be my entry for the first contest, lol.
Laters!
Boothy

6:35 AM  
Blogger Megan said...

I HATE Sandra Lee and her not-even-remotely-homemade things. I am a devoted Food Network fan, especially when I am home sick and sitting on the couch all day, but I cannot watch her for more than two minutes without wanting to throw things at the television screen. It seems so monstrously unfair that she has her own TV show and I do not.

On an unrelated note, I will be reading Girl at Sea as soon as I can get my hands on a copy. :)

6:39 AM  
Anonymous Shona said...

Ich bin in ein vulkan gefallen! Das ist ya was.

6:40 AM  
Blogger Jez said...

I can't wait to read Girl at Sea and get my card in the mail!

GATORADE?! Is this woman mad? Does she have something against taste buds?

Oh, and I wanted to let you know I suggested 13 Little Blue Envelopes as the next read for my school's book club (which we're secretly running over the summer because we refuse to leave). You're in there with a lot of other great books and authors and we'll vote tomorrow. I hope we get to read your's though!
If we don't pick it, my two friends and I are starting our own tiny bookclub to stay in touch after graduation and I'll insist we read it, I'm sure they'd go for it.

7:22 AM  
Anonymous Malcolm Tredinnick said...

I think you should stop being mean to Oscar.

Forcing people to watch US television shows like that is not nice.

7:52 AM  
Anonymous Elisabeth said...

Oh god... I'm pretty sure that coctail was radioactive (no WONDER she acts the way she does!).
Have you ever seen her cookbooks? (Yes, she has cookbooks. RUN.) Her hair usually looks like it would crack if you hit it with a hammer. And she's always smiling (No, not just smiling. SMILING.) and frosting a cupcake or something. It's TERRIFYING.

Please, if you get a vespa, don't be like Rachel Ray. Like... like... THAT. With the SMILE. And the SCRUNCHING OF THE NOSE. If we're not careful, the world may become overrun by nose-scrunchers. And, with their shiny vespas and their cooking shows, how could we ever defeat them?

7:57 AM  
Blogger Laursie said...

Semi-homemade? There is no homemade in that show apart from mixing. And that did not sound like a good mix. Red wine and salad dressing mix.

.....

Right.

Hank Green called you?! Lucky!

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Ally said...

wait is it time yet??!?! bahhh its 11:44 here i think its up.. oh well my name is Ally Brasko haha

8:16 AM  
Anonymous Ally said...

dang it.. i checked my little world clock thingy on my phone and its 12:48 in New York man..

(sorry for double posting)

8:19 AM  
Blogger Becs said...

Wells, I should be out of the running for Girl at Sea b/c I have already got my copy. And someday I hope you'll be able to sign it in person, so I'm gonna hold out. :D

I do not know how to cook. I can make scrambled eggs. I guess that's cooking. I can also heat things up in the microwave. I really do need to learn though b/c I'm going to have an apartment with one of those thingies in it....you know, those whatacallits where you do stuff to food. It starts with a k--sounds something like "kitten." ;)

But ugh, even I wouldn't go for all that premade crap. It sounds horrible. And I do not eat steak either. I'm betting Food Network only hired her for entertainment value. How many people would actually make that stuff? *shudder*

HURRAY FOR GIRL AT SEA RELEASE!!!!

8:29 AM  
Blogger Emily said...

So its after midnight, but I want to leave you a note anyway. If that means I am out of the running for a book, so be it. I wanted to tell you just how much I loved 13 Little Blue Envelopes. I am a reader ... I read as often as I can. But I am, generally, a slow reader. I finish Envelopes in 1.5 days. Thats a record for me. I could not put it down. So thank you! I will be at the bookstore as soon as I can afford it to get the rest. Cheers! And happy Wednesday!

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Lindsay N. said...

I love it when Hank Green calls me on the phone... oh wait, he never has. :-(

Congrats on Girl At Sea. I haven't seen it at my book store yet, but I'll be sure to throw a fit if it doesn't show up soon.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Danica said...

Ag! Ag! AG!!!

I've no time to create a hoopla about Girl at Sea, but DAMNIT I would have!! I would have...I don't know. Done something really amazing. Yes. That's it.

So since I'm going to miss the deadline to do something crazy...I suppose I'll leave a comment and hope my name comes out of the hat!! I never win stuff like that, but we'll see.

PS: HOORAY FOR HANK GREEN CALLING YOU OMG.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Ally said...

okay really sorry for triple posting..
I never really liked Sandra Lee. My favorites are Paula Dean and Rachel Ray. I love Paula Dean, shes my hero. Oh and I so know what carpetbaggers are haha we learned about them in American history. The southern people after the Cival War called them that because they were the Republicans (Yankees) that *moved* down here and took over the government.

8:36 AM  
Blogger Ashley L. said...

Holy crap in a pot, you mention giving away a book and suddenly everybody and their brother is leaving a comment. Not that I always comment, but still. Seriously.

I remember the first time I saw Sandra Lee. I was at my friend's apartment gym as we half-heartedly trudged away on the elliptical machines at about two in the morning, me bemoaning my lack of an iPod as my friend jammed away to who knows what. Someone had turned on Food Network, but in an evil twist of fate the volume was turned off and there didn't appear to be any way to get near enough to the TV to turn it up.
So I watched in silence as this horrible blond woman first prepared a cocktail by dumping an entire bottle of vodka (an entire bottle!) into a large pitcher, added a floater of pineapple juice, then stirred. She poured herself a lovely glassful and drank the entire thing before continuing to cook. . .I don't even know what, I felt drunk already just watching her.
They should really rename her show "The Drunken Housewife's Guide to Cooking When You're Too Shat to Use the Electric Can Opener."

Shudder.

What's wrong with the world? Is this not one of the seven signs of the Apocolypse? (ARE there just seven? I seem to have noticed at least eight distinct signs today alone.)

I didn't do anything to advertise Girl at Sea today...unless you include me very obviously reading The Key to the Golden Firebird at the DMV today while we waited for my fiance' to renew his car tags. Then I offered to leave the book with him while I ran errands (he refused, despite his obsession with Firebirds...the car sort, not the bird sort) so that everyone could continue to view and wonder at its very yellow cover.
I realized he was probably embarassed by the yellow and pink cover and offered to remove it before leaving the book with him, but he still wouldn't take it.

Party pooper.

9:41 AM  
Blogger Jessica said...

"It slipped from my hand as I took it out of the fridge, and it landed on my foot . . . and hurt. A lot more than you'd think."

Oh, I know how much it hurts. I dropped a bottle of olive oil on my foot a few months ago. And broke my toe. *le sigh*

9:47 AM  
Blogger Katayoun said...

well while i love your blogs and read them everyday (at the office!! and try not to laught aloud) i don't leave comments (as being from iran i usually can't comment on sandra lee or banned books....well on banned books i can say that you are lucky that you can get banned over here we kill the authors that we don't like :) though OFCOURSE i am not going to say that) the only reason that i am leaving a comment is greed!! i want to be in for a chance at a free book... well not entirely truthful i want a chance to read one of your books (though i've got another friend to send me your "
The Key to the Golden Firebird ", so i while be reading one of your books this year win or not!)
and oh another reason that i don't leave comments is that i talk too much, even when i don't know sandra lee (she sounds delightful!! :)) or banned books from schools.

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Hannah Rose said...

Maureen! I JUST bought a copy of Girl At Sea off Amazon.com today! According to the site I should get my book by Thursday. Can I wait this long? So even though I shall soon be a proud owner of Girl At Sea I have a friend that is graduating from high school in a few days you know that would LOVE to have a copy too...

I can't believe that show. I...am disturbed. My mother, sister and I all have something called Celiac Disease, it's an autoimmune disorder that means that we cannot eat Wheat, Rye, or Barley without getting sick. Basically it slowly kills our intestines. So thankfully my mum has always taught us to be good cooks, to cook what is in season and fresh and how not to set things on fire. Your post made me very unhappy to think that anyone would be eating that way. So therefore I'm going to tell you about a favorite website of mine. It's a blog by The Gluten-Free Girl. While it is a strictly gluten-free blog is still has AMAZING recipes on it. If you want something yummy, type her into Google and look at her site. Her frozen yogurt recipe is DEVINE.

I wish I had a chance to meet free monkey. I was sick when the whole thing was happening, but I saw that it is coming to a girl in Portland OR which is only four hours from me! Perhaps we could have a Free-Monkey meet up!

Okay, it's midnight and I have a cold and the cough syrup has me rambling. Sorry, Maureen.

Anyway: Girl At Sea on Thursday! AH!

Love,

Hannah Rose

10:18 AM  
Anonymous Ammy said...

Girl at Sea hasn't arrived in my bookstore yet. I've been hunting it down.

And Hank Green calling you = OMGOMGOMG

11:06 AM  
Blogger Little Willow said...

My comment from last night appears to have been eaten. Possibly by the jellyfish or a Food Network viewer.

4:37 PM  
Anonymous Ally said...

YAY! for gabrielle and Katiek!

7:19 PM  
Anonymous Boothy said...

Awww, I'm sad that I didn't win, but congrats to the two winners!!

9:44 PM  
Anonymous kiersten said...

congrats to the book winners. i would come up with some loud and obnoxious thing to advertise your book because 1) im loud and 2) im good at obnoxious (even if i can't spell obnoxious) see doesn;t my bad spelling want to make you go out and by girl at sea so i stop? obnoxious, hippopotimus, probibly, probebly, probably, (how do you spell that word?!?!? i think its probably) how about now? or should i go on? (just kidding. i'll save it for my ad.) but i just bought it yesterday. it went something like this "*gasp* is that? omg! *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeel* its not supposed to come out until june 1st! yes Yes YES!!!!!!!!! *inserts squelling and jumping*" ooo i have an idea! go obnoxious ads for awsome books!

10:52 PM  
Anonymous kiersten said...

and that semi-home cooking person should be punished. severely. Like more than I should be for my atrocious spelling severely. Like should be made to eat her own semi-home made “cooking” severely. And she should have to face the wrath of all the people she annoys. And all the people that were broken hearted when they were also told they couldn’t get a vespa for their birthday why dad? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

10:55 PM  
Anonymous Ally said...

probably and hippopotamus.. i learned how to spell hippopotamus b/c of a song i learned in the first grade lol

11:06 PM  
Anonymous Gabrielle said...

Kiersten, Girl at Sea did go out on May 29th, not June 1st. Hehe. I won! Yay!

11:24 PM  
Anonymous Jula C. said...

oh i didn't know it was out, i just finished teh bermudez triangle i would go get it but my mother is insistant that i can't go to the book store until school is out. (it's been like 2 weeks i'm losing my mind) but good for you gabrielle andi bet it's good.... i just can't read it.

11:38 PM  
Anonymous kiersten' said...

i thought that it had said it wasn't comming out until june 1st and when i went on the borders website it said not yet released and it said i had to reserve it.

11:43 PM  
Blogger Paula said...

This is only semi related, but have you seen Paula Deen make some sort of low fat "cheesecake" by mixing water, jello mix and cottage cheese in a blender?

Keep it simple!

12:18 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Sadly, I was not at work when 'Girl at Sea' came into my bookstore. No one put it out, because - clearly - I simply can not trust anyone to get things done when I'm not there.

First thing Tuesday morning, I cleared an entire shelf in the Teen New Releases bay (one swipe of the arm, books flying everywhere; terribly impressive) that I might display your book with the prominence it is due. Okay, I pulled one title that didn't belong there since it isn't even new, but still...

I finished reading 'Girl at Sea' about half an hour ago. So much YAY!

2:16 AM  
Blogger Sneakers hobbies said...

we have lots of polo shirts
Abercrombie Fitch clothing
Abercrombie Fitch hoodile
ralph lauren shirts
Columbia Jacket
north face jackets
spyder ski jacket
polo shirts
polo shirt
spyder jackets
spyder jacket
mens spyder jackets
spyder jackets for cheap
spyder ski jacket
womens spyder jackets
ralph lauren
spyder jackets cheap
spyder jackets for men
cheap spyder jackets
north face jackets
discount spyder jacket
ralph lauren t shirts
ralph lauren polo shirts on sale
discount ralph lauren polo shirts
ralph lauren shirts
ralph lauren polo discount
ralph lauren polo sale
ralph lauren polo shirts
ralph lauren polo wholesale
north face jackets
north face jacket
Columbia Jacket
ralph lauren jacket
Abercrombie Fitch hoodile
Abercrombie Fitch clothing
abercrombie fitch
abercrombie fitch


welcom to our store.

10:16 AM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home