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Wednesday, March 22, 2006


I mentioned in a previous post that Keith Dobson, star of 13 Little Blue Envelopes, was going to be answering questions. I am pleased to present the results of the interview, which I personally conducted with His Keithness. This interview will be part of a supplement in the back of the (as yet unreleased) paperback version of the book. But see it here first!

Keith arrived, dressed in his signature kilt, eager to answer all questions put to him. Here is what he had to say:

Q. What did you think of Ginny when you first met her?

A. Well, aside from the fact that she had innate good taste in art, I did think she was completely insane. I mean, be fair . . . here’s this Amazonian American (she’s quite tall, is Ginny) literally buying every seat in the house at my shows, showing up at my front door, tossing handfuls of cash at me . . .

Looking back at that sentence, I can see that these are actually quite appealing things. Which probably explains why I was so very taken with her. And aside from the fact that it took about ten years to extract two words from her mouth, once she got talking, she had no problem making her feelings known. That’s my girl.

Q. What was your reaction to hearing all of the things that happened to Ginny when you weren’t around?

A. Ginny told me about a few of these things in London, but I didn’t get the full story until I read the book. She left the Beppe incident out of her account to me, and I’m quite glad she did. I was not pleased about that one.

I’m quite proud of her, actually. It takes a fair amount of courage to do what she did. How she followed those rules to the end, I have no idea. I would have opened all of those envelopes five minutes after I got them. But that’s what makes Ginny, Ginny, I suppose.

Q. Do you feel bad about stealing the Godzilla from Mari’s house?

A. The drawback to not being in control of the story is that you can’t leave out the unflattering bits about yourself. In short, yes. Yes I do. But I promise that I never thought she would even miss it. It was a joke. Mari clearly didn’t mind. After the book came out, she sent me a wind-up Godzilla of my very own, along with a box of chocolates. I submit that without a victim, there can be no crime, your honour.

(And yes, I know I was a bit stroppy with the whole “I’m going to take the bus” thing. Mostly, I was embarrassed, and the girl I liked was looking at me like I’d just eaten a puppy or something. I didn’t handle it well. But this does not mean that people (ahem, Ginny) should wind me up constantly about it. Every time I sound even the slightest bit cross, I immediately get a, “Looks like Keith’s getting on the bus again!” And it really must stop.)

Q. There has been a great deal of debate recently about the level of truthfulness and honesty in books. Do you feel that 13 Little Blue Envelopes is an accurate representation of events?

A. It seems fairly accurate, at least judging from the bits I was in. But I would also like to say that the story is told very much from Ginny’s point of view. And in Ginny’s point of view, I seem to snore and borrow money more than I realize. About my captivating performances and gorgeous eyes . . . I can’t comment on that and will move swiftly along.

I can assure you, however, that I do not have a “musty smell.” Someone took liberties there.

Q. Do you wear anything under your kilt?

A. I will only say that I wear my kilt in the traditional style.

Q. In a world without Starbucks, what global corporation would you immortalize
in song?

A. How fortunate that you should ask this question! I have, this very day, completed work on the first draft of “Bank: An Opera of Greed.” You see, what I’ve done there is just remove the actual name of any bank, because a bank’s a bank, really. In doing so, I was able to create a tour de force about the corrupting nature of money. I am, of course, looking for sponsors who would like to corrupt me with some of their filthy loot. I accept all currencies, and no amount is too small or too large. Please form an orderly queue.